(Closed) Afraid we wont ever be ready for kids?

posted 12 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee

are you on the pill?  granted, I went off the pill to try to have babies, but it is so much more intense of a baby fever now!  maybe the pill mutes it

Post # 18
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You just described my feelings exactly. Some things make me feel like, “aw, maybe I could see myself with a kid someday… in the distant future” but others make me think, “ugh, I’m glad that’s so far off.” R is the exact same way, and so we’re constantly saying we should have kids, we’ll regret it if we don’t, but there’s not much conviction there. I don’t want to have a kid for at least 10 years anyway, but even then it’s hard to imagine being ready. 

Glad I’m not the only one! Most people I know either definitely do or definitely don’t want kids, as well. 

Post # 19
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My hubs and I are both in our early 30’s, both only children, and both seem to be missing “the clock gene”.  We came into our relationship knowing that we weren’t sure on kids, and we’re still as unsure.  We joke all the time about what a baby in our life would mean and change, but yet neither of us “craves” that mythical baby.  Our parents want grandbabies, but having a child so that our parents can be grandparents isn’t a good reason to have a child (or at least not in our opinions).  We’re older, set in our ways, and having to plan where to board the doggy for last minute travels is confining enough….so yeah…long story…..we are on a similar boat and might just continue to sail around the world on it for quite a few more turns.

Post # 20
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so worried about being able to provide for my future lil ones.  FH is SO READY to have kids.  At first it was kind of weird to me that he was so into having kids “right now,” but seeing him with his niece just shows how good a dad he is going to be.  He is always talking about kids and how he can’t wait until I’ve got a “bun” in my ‘ove.  I’m still terrified of physically having the kids, and terrified of the responsibility.

Post # 21
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OH man, frankly, the older I get the more I understand exactly how popping out a kid will change my life. I do want children, as does Fiance, but I want to postpone them for a while. I’ll be 27 when we marry, he’ll be 32. It doesn’t seem “fair” to make him wait till he’s like 37 (and I’m 32), but right now there are still so many things I want to accomplish before baby time!

I feel like I was more ready for a kid at 21 than I am at nearly 27. By ready, I mean terribly naive…

Post # 22
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Thank you SO much for this post! While I”m only 23, there’s still SO much I want to do and see and I can’t even IMAGINE having kids right now. People think I am SO weird for this and it really annoys me… thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

Post # 24
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

If my understanding of the research is correct, although most parents don’t regret having kids, adult couples who never have children are (statistically, on average) happier than those who do choose to have kids.  So I definitely am skeptical of the idea that you should have kids just in case you regret not having them. 

Also, while most parents don’t regret their choice, there are definitely people who do!  I think it’s just not considered socially acceptable to voice that sentiment, so their experience gets written out of the pop-culture narrative of parenthood.  This is obviously no reason not to have kids if you actively want them, but (in my opinion) a good reason to push back against expectations that you will have kids if you are not sure that you do.

Post # 25
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Pengy, I feel like this EVERY DAY.

We’re having kids soon (trying to get pregnant in , gasp, 6 months) because it’s a “now or never” thing due to my fertility going downhill fast. That’s scary…i’m only 23!!! Blegh.

I’m banking on the fact that I’d want them in like, 10 years….and I know I won’t regret it once I have them (provided they are super awesome like their parents, lol).

Sometimes a kid sorta pulls at my heartstrings and I go, “ohh…so cute…i want that….” but mostly I’m like, “eek….not ready to deal with it all yet”. And, yes, it’s my selfish side. I’m not ready, nor do I want them yet. But i have to. I guess.

I’ve been on nuvaring before and it definitely kills all the desire. Such is bc =(

Post # 26
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I should add that my super cute niece and nephew haven’t created any sort of desire in me to suddenly have or want them.

Post # 27
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Great question / topic!  I feel the sammmmeee way.  I know I want to have them, but I do not have the baby bug now, and I don’t anticipate ever having it.  But i wouldn’t want to do anything so drastic like a vasectomy for him, or tubes tied for me.  I feel like it’ll happen if it’s meant to be, or someday I’ll have the urge kick in.  We only would want 2, so it’d be ok to wait a while and bang them out back to back (if we are lucky).  

@historienne – good perspective / point.  I can imagine having a very fulfilling life with no children, also.  I know we’d save so much money and get to travel the world b/c we’d have more disposable income.  

One thing i’ll add, though, is that even though I don’t have the baby bug (children 2+ are alright, but babies? pass) I do feel a huge pull to people that are pregnant and I ask a lot of questions.  The fact is that as women we have so many natural powers – I would want to be a part of it, too.  It’s just so amazing to me that when you’re pregnant, your body adapts in strange ways – waking you up early, having you sleep in shifts, increasing cramps and pains to get you used to labor, you name it – it’s truly special and I’d feel like I missed out, i think, if I didn’t get pregnant.  Then after all that, the baby would be the easy part haha.

Post # 28
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Thanks Pengy for this FANTASTIC post. You are right, people often get lumped into two categories – dying to have kids or don’t want to have kids. Fiance and I feel we would love to have children someday, but I don’t get filled with warm fuzzies at the thought of having my own child anytime soon. My sister lives across the country, so even if she had a child and I got to be an aunt, I wouldn’t get a lot of face time with my neice or nephew.

I just don’t know if I will ever get that dying urge to procreate! A lot of my friends have got married recently, and several are either pregnant or have had their first child. Meanwhile, I am snowboarding, going out every weekend to hang out with friends, and quite frankly and enjoying not having the responsibilities of a child right now.

Post # 29
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

This is an intensely debated subject among my most close group of friends!  One couple is insistent they will never have children, two couples are sort of unsure, and us and two other couples definitely want kids (there are some singles in our group, I’m pretty sure all of them want kids but they don’t talk about it as much).  Luckily we are all in our mid-twenties so we have awhile to change our minds.  I’m not in your boat, but some of my friends are!  I hope you figure it out with no regrets.  We’ll probably start having kids when we’re both done school, in a couple of years.

Post # 30
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

Sadly, there is no way to truly know whether or not you want children, until you have one.  I know this because I really thought I wanted a family, and now I have one and it is slowly (although sometimes, quickly) killing me.

That said, I wouldn’t give up my family for the world and I love my baby more than I ever thought possible in a way that I never knew existed.  But sometimes, I hate him.  And you really have to be strong to make it through those first years. 

I do KNOW that I don’t want an only child (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just know that’s what I want)…but now I also know how hard that will be, so I am more thoughtful about planning that aspect of our family.

Post # 31
Member
8941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh I totally agree!  I’m an only child too and I don’t have the baby bug at all.  We are younger but still I don’t have a desire for children.  Sometimes I see a baby and I saw aww cute but then when it starts screaming, I’m so annoyed and I hate it.  I have a very short fuze and honestly I don’t know if I could deal with screaming and whining all the time.

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