Post # 1
We have been together for 5 years. Lots of ups and downs..After we got engaged things become worse. Lots of fighting and mean words to eachother. We decided to start living together before the marriage with hope things will become better. But no, things got only worse. I knew he was not the right person for me i tried to leave but he was begging me saying that he will try to change. My husband is selfish arogant, thinks he is the smartest person on the planet and lately he become abusive more than he was before. He doesnt support me in anything, he doesnt help me with anything. Together we are just destroying eachother. He is making me act like crazy becouse i really cant handle it anymore. I tried to leave again before the marriage but my parents made me change my mind so noone will be embarrassed in front of family and friends. Now i am stuck in physicly and verbally abused marriage.I was happy and outgoing person and now i become depressed and anxious.The thing is, he doesnt love me anymore i can feel it and i can see it. A person who loves someone does everything for his partner not the opposite. I am 27 years old having lots of friends and family but i am afraid of disappointing them especially my parents. I know they will support me in every decision but deep down they will be broken..
P.s. Sorry for grammar mistakes, english is not my native language
Post # 2
I’m sorry this has happened to you… but I do feel like you brought it on yourself. You said that your relationship got worse once you were engaged, you fought a lot, and tried to leave.
Im sorry, but there were a lot of red flags and now you are in this situation that you could have prevented.
Post # 3
robinn : Not sure how that is helpful to the OP now?
Post # 4
If he is abusive then you need to leave him ASAP. Call a family member or friend and go stay with them, or you can go to a shelter for women.
Post # 5
robinn : So, the implied advice you’re giving is get Superman to fly backwards around the Earth and turn back time then, you’re saying?
English isn’t her first language, but she seems pretty clear that she knows she ignored the warning signs and red flags and got pressured into staying.
OP, leave. The embarassment of other people is not a good enough reason for you to live a miserable life with an arrogant, abusive man. Leave. Find a friend who can help you. If you’re not in the US, does your country have any support telephone lines or shelters you can go to?
Post # 6
robinn : omg. this is vicim blaming at its finest.
OP: It is not your fault that you are in this position and never let any one tell you it is, all you can do now is get out. Do you have family or friends you could turn to?
Post # 7
labee : This sounds exactly like the situation with my ex and I. He would physically, emotionally and verbally abuse me. I’m sorry that you are now married to him, and I don’t know if that’s the case in your situation, but I know that it is not always easy to leave. I’m glad you’re reaching out to people in this forum because you need to leave him. No matter what he says, it will NOT get better. It will only get much worse. You’re only 27 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Remember, you deserve much more!!
Post # 8
robinn : girl serious??
OP, leave. You said you have family and friends? Leave and stay with them. Screw feeling embarrassed. Your safety is more important.
Post # 9
Even if it’s uncomfortable or disappointing for your family for a few months, it’s SO much better than spending who knows how many years in a relationship that makes you actively unhappy. Is it possible your family doesn’t know the full extent of what is going on in the relationship? If you tell them the truth and they STILL aren’t supportive of you getting out, stay with friends. You don’t need to worry about your family’s opinon at that point.
Post # 10
I’m very sorry this is happening to you! If you feel you can no longer be with him, leave him. Don’t let him or your parents convince you to stay in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship. We all make mistakes and can learn from them. You are still very young and you deserve happiness and love with the right person. Don’t spend anymore time taking abuse from your husband and staying in marriage that you never really wanted to happen. Your friends and family will understand and offer support. At a time like this, you need to put yourself first. Good luck and I hope you find happiness again, even if it’s on your own!
Post # 11
robinn : victim blaming, really? Sure there were red flags and all that, but have you ever tried to leave an abusive relationship?
OP: you need to be 100% honest with a close family member or friend and get out of there. It’s not fair to you to be in this position and it can only get better once you can get a fresh start. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Hugs as you fished out the next step xx
Post # 12
Time plan your exit bee: do not stay. Abuse becomes more and more violent every time.
Its okay to disappoint your parents, your safety and well being are much more important.
Find a friend or family member that can help you get out. Call a shelter, the police, get a restraining order and get the heck out of there.
Post # 13
None of this is your fault. Don’t worry about your parents they might not understand but I’m sure they don’t want you to be harmed.
Take PP advice and Leave.
Not sure what country you’re in, but you can use private browsing on chrome to go to http://www.thehotline.org and have a chat with an expert who can help you plan a safe exit. Make sure you close out of your browser after you chat, so your husband can’t find it.
Or call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
You can do this, bee. You are worth it. Take good care of yourself.