(Closed) after 2.5 years i still don’t know my boyfriend’s parents

posted 9 years ago in New York City
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m going to be in your boyfriend’s shoes for a minute. I lost my brother in a car accident last year. When did this happen to your bf? Anyways, it was my younger brother, and my Fiance couldn’t come be with me. It was a blessing in disguise, honestly. I really didn’t want him around for that sort of grief. Him holding me would not have made it any better, I guarantee it. I needed to be with my immediate family, who understood what my brother had been through leading up to his accident. All I did was hole myself up in my room and rock myself to sleep on my bed. I don’t think having him there would have helped me out at all. I think i would have gotten annoyed at him more. That he wasn’t saying the right things, he couldn’t take the pain away, etc. I want to say that this is likely your boyfriend’s way of saving face with you for lack of better words. I can totally understand how he feels and I think it’s hard to be in his shoes unless you have been. I don’t think this is something you should feel bad about though or hold against him or take personally. Even if you hadn’t felt "invited", you still could have gone and been supportive although I think that may have backfired on you. I certainly wouldn’t have gone without a direct "i need you here". I don’t think this is his way of being embarassed of you or anything like that.

That being said, is your post regarding the fact that he hasn’t introduced you to his family yet? Or the fact that you’re upset he didn’t want you there during his grieving process? You mixed the two and I can’t tell exactly which one you’re upset about.  

If this is in regards to the fact he hasn’t introduced you to his parents, well, that may be something going there. You said you were much younger, but you didn’t give us any numbers. Maybe he just doesn’t want to introduce you to his parents yet for some reason, although that would seriously upset ME if i were you! You are right, it makes it sound like he is keeping you in secret for some reason. Is he embarassed of you or something? I’m sure those are things running through your head. I would ask him what is up, seriously! It could also be that since he is "much older" than you, he doesn’t necessarily feel the need to introduce you all since you guys live in NY and his family lives in LA. That’s qute viable depending on his age. Meeting the ‘rents is a big deal when you are younger, but i could see how if he was in his 30’s or 40’s, he’d feel like it was less of a necessity. Still not cool. 

If you clarify maybe I can offer some more perspective. All you can do is be supportive for your bf in regards to the situation with his sister. With me, it is best that my Fiance acknowledges that I DON’T want to hang out with his friends on major holidays like Christmas and it is in his best interest to not ask me "what my problem is" on those days or i get super pissed at his forgetfulness. He is figuring it out when i get my quiet moods that i’m reflecting and he’ll lightly touch my shoulder, ask me if i’m ok, if i need to talk, and leaves it at that.   

Post # 4
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think you need to ask him why he’s excluding you from his family.  I don’t think it’s normal for you to be together for 2.5 years and have no relationship with his parents and not accompany him to a funeral for support.

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