(Closed) After 34 years of marriage… (NWR vent)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m so sorry you have to be a part of this.  It will be alright, and as much of a beating as your mother has taken, she has maintained her kindness and generosity, which speaks volumes about her character…I would imagine that deep down inside, she’s always going to wonder if it’s your father or the diseases and disorders that have put this marriage where it is…and that might be something she never gets the answer to, but she CAN and should know, that she’s done everything she could, to save the relationship.

I hope your mother finds her way to happiness and fullfillment, wherever, and whatever that may be for her.

Post # 5
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This sounds like a terrible place to be. My father had some emotional issues with a medication he was on – tore up everyone around him and only when we all threatened to leave did he look into getting help. Thankfully, they were able to fix his levels and we all worked together to fix our relationships (though my sister still harbors a few things).

There is a chance of hope? I don’t think that any woman should subject herself to that kind of mental and emotional abuse though. Unfortunately, our moms are from a different generation – they don’t leave very easily.

I hope your faamily is able to heal – no matter what the outcome of this becomes. (HUGS) 

Post # 7
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Au Jardin:  It’s a little early to think about now – but my grandfather has a family friend as a roommate for this very reason. I couldn’t be there everyday, all day and this guy is (and will always be) single. Its really a win-win.

Your mom doesn’t need to do the work to put up with him when someone else can. I tried to get my mom to leave but I am pretty sure she’d have stayed on even if it was another four more years of that mess (or more). Gah.

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not going to fully excuse your dad, but I will say, there are aspects of his behavior that are simply beyond his control due to his condition. My great aunt is bipolar, and though she has meds that she takes religiously, she still exhibits most of the hallmark symptoms, just not as severely. Does that mean your mom should stay? Absolutely not. She needs healthy boundaries and a relationship that works for her. But if she WANTS to stay, she needs to consider a non-traditional way of being in a relationship with him. For example, my aunt’s long time partner and her live separately but near one another, and have separate finances. They are not married. That way, should her manic/depressive episodes lead to excessive spending or whatever, it doesn’t negatively effect her partner.

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