After 9 months of TTC – I'm officially scared! Advice please!

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Hi bee, I’m sorry you’re struggling with TTC. I understand how you feel. It didn’t take us quite that long, but I had a miscarriage and several early CP’s while we were trying and was getting into an extremely dark headspace by the end of it. I think it’s great you have doctors appointments scheduled already. They should be able to run some tests to rule out common issues that could be impacting fertility. Hopefully it’s nothing and you’ll get your BFP very soon…I have a few friends that TTC’d without so much as a squinter for nearly a year and then suddenly, bam, BFP. So it can def be true that it just randomly takes awhile for some people, but doesn’t mean anything’s wrong.

In the meantime, I will tell you what I did the cycle that finally stuck for us. I drank red raspberry leaf tea in the first half of my cycle before ovulation becaues it’s supposed to strengthen your uterine lining (maybe this would help with your period issues?). I started taking Ubiquinol, which is the “better” form of COQ10, and I also started taking baby aspirin, which is supposed to help prevent clotting that can cause early MC. No idea if any of that actually helped, but it def didn’t hurt.

We never did use preseed but I know many girls who did and believe it was helpful. Same with accupuncture…so many stories of people who got BFPs shortly after starting accupuncture. As for coffee…I never changed my caffeine habits but typically only would have one cup of coffee a day anyway, so I don’t think that would have impacted anything. If you’re drinking like 4+ cups a day or something excessive, it might not hurt to cut back. 

As for opks/temping…I think opks on their own are fine if you’re getting clear positives and making sure to have lots of sex in your fertile window. Good luck bee!

Post # 3
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We took over a year to get our first BFP (and I lost that pregnancy).  For that BFP and the second one that I got, I did many of the things you are doing. 

I temped and charted with fertility friend. We used pre-seed. I took a bunch of supplements. I think by the time I got a BFP, I was taking FertilAid, prenatal, coQ10, baby aspirin, maca root… I can’t remember what else.  The company that makes FertilAid also sells a ton of other supplements and I think I probably took most of them at one point or other.  I also drank FertiliTea every day. My husband was taking the men’s version of FertilAid, although at a lower dose than the bottle recommends. 

I know it is so hard to be patient, but I hope you can hang on a little longer! Fingers crossed for you. 

ETA: for whatever it’s worth, we are older too. I’m 36 and D.H. is 41.  I’m currently 29 weeks with our second pregnancy/first baby. 

Post # 5
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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skylar84 :  Question, I know you’re using OPKs, but how do you know when you O without temping to verify? Just asking because I’d hate if you were missing prime fertile days. You might know all this but it can take 12-72 hrs after a first positive OPK to O so I recommend following the Sperm Meets Egg Plan, which is to BD for three days in a row starting with your first positive OPK. That way you’re sure to hit your fertile window. Also, watch The Great Sperm Race on YouTube. GL!!!

Post # 6
105 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t have any advice to the questions you’ve listed but I couldn’t read and leave! However, the only advice I’ve been given that I think is worth a cent is keep stress down! So easier said than done, but don’t get disheartened! I’ve been TTC 1+ year and no advice seems to work, I think it’s more a coincidence with most people (considering the amount of people that drink alcohol excessively, take drugs excessively, had sex once then BOOM pregnant, surely it can happen to any of us?)

Fingers crossed for you bee!!!!

Post # 7
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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skylar84 :  if you can I’d try temping as well as the ovulation strips. For the first couple months I ttc’d I only used the ovulation strips. Each month I got positive strips on CD 9 & 10… and then my cycle would last like 35 days. The next month I temped to see what was happening and after those positive tests I kept testing and then got  BLAZING positives on CD 19&20 (which makes sense with a 35 day cycle). 

So the first couple months we were wasting all the bd’ing early on and I wasn’t actually ovulating until much later despite those positive surges on the early days. We used preseed on that third month and I got pregnant. 


Post # 8
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

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skylar84 :  Not getting pregnant when you wants to sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through it. I’m on cycle 12 in 15 months after a miscarriage early on in our TTC journey. 

Here’s my advice:

– figure out what’s sustainable for you in supplements/charting/appts, and do those things. You’ll find hundreds of different fertility suggestions on these boards with their own success stories. Some of them may help you, some may not. Some are actually counter-productive if they don’t fit your diagnosis. 

-when you meet your doctor, ask about all these things. Most will tell you to take CoQ. DHEA is considered riskier and advised only in certain IVF cycles (for a lot of REs but not all). They will be familar with all the things you mentioned and be able to give you their advice.

-how long are your cycles? It sounds like you O pretty early in your cycle, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to mention to your doctor. I’d say it is worth temping for a cycle or 2 to confirm that you’re ovulating then. It is possible to have multiple LH surges, so if I were you, I’d want to make sure my OPKs were correct.

Post # 9
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t freak, bee! It took us 10 months and I was doing a lot of the same stuff you are. The thing that truly made a difference for us was temping. OPKs just didn’t seem to work for me.

Post # 10
1378 posts
Bumble bee

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skylar84 :  it took us three years. Here is my advice.

You know you’re ovulating? Do you get your period roughly 2 weeks after a positive opk?

As for caffeine, I dont think it makes a difference however I switched to decaf out of desperation and got pregnant a few cycles later.

We used preseed, others swear by it but it didn’t work for us. It cant hurt, just dont use the suggested amount. Its way too much.

We had unexplained infertility and got pregnant after the third iui. I honestly dont know what made that third time different….luck I guess. 

Post # 11
193 posts
Blushing bee

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skylar84 :  

Prenatal doesn’t affect fertility, just provides you with the nutrients your fetus will need from day 1 (mostly folic acid, which is most needed from implantation to 6w.. this is why women are told to take prenatals before ttc.) No need to switch it up.

Caffeine is fine. Stress is unfortunate but not much you can do.

Accupuncture has been shown to statistically help sperm too, though the effects are small. 

I know it’s hard bee. I got my first bfp after about 8 months, lost that pregnancy quickly, and took another 5 months or so before getting pregnant again. I know how stressful it is.  I highly recommend seeing an RE and finding out what’s going on.


Post # 12
90 posts
Worker bee

Oh, hon, I’m so sorry that you’re stressed out about this. I’ll address a few of your specific questions at the bottom, but I wanted to give you another perspective on this.

We did a lot of the same things you’re doing, and got checked out about 6 months into the process. My AFC (Antral Follicle Count) was a tad lower than ideal for my age, but nothing that should have made it impossible to get pregnant. His numbers were all gorgeous. We never were able to get pregnant without help, but we ratcheted up to IVF, and we got pregnant on the first IVF transfer. I’m now due in February.

I wanted to share this so that you know that even if it ends up that you don’t get pregnant unassisted, that those things are still available as options and work for many, many couples.

I did take Ubiquinol when we were trying before IVF, and I also cut out alcohol. Caffeine *can* have an impact, so I tried to go completely off caffeine and lost my mind. At that point I was trying to live ‘perfectly’ to increase every possible chance we had – all the right vitamins and supplements, all the right foods, none of the wrong ones, sex at exactly the right times, etc etc etc.

It wasn’t healthy, mentally. After a while, I broke down, and talked to my doctor, and he helped me understand that while eating healthy generally, limiting caffeine and alcohol to moderate amounts, etc, were helpful, the stress I was imposing on myself by trying to be ‘perfect’ was far far far more impactful (negatively) than the extra few milligrams of caffeine would have been if I’d just let myself get that stupid frappucino. Or gave myself permission to have that cocktail with my friend. Or had that cheesecake the day I was feeling down.

During IVF, I was on an ‘everything in moderation’ plan, and I was in a wildly better mental place.

It’s hard, and it’s scary, but you have a lot of tools potentially available to you. And honestly, there are zillions of couples that get pregnant on their own, but after a year, etc. Hang in there.

Post # 13
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Having trouble falling pregnant sucks. It absolutely fucking sucks and I’m sorry you are dealing with it but you are not alone. 

I second the poster than suggested the sperm meets egg plan. I also switched from OPK strips to the digital clearblue ones and found them more accurate for me. I used baby aspirin and I’d recommend temping as well so you are certain that you are hitting the right days. 

I started trying at 29 and my doctor repeatedly told me within a year is normal and while it’s frustrating it’s also nothing to worry about.

For reference myself and 2 of my girlfriends all started trying at around the same time, it took us 8, 9 & 10 months to fall pregnant so way closer to the year mark than any of us thought it would take. 

Hang in there and good luck! 

Post # 14
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Hey! Sorry you are going through this. PPs said most of it, but maybe get your thyroid checked out too. Hugs!

Post # 15
11 posts
  • Wedding: March 2019

First… I am truly sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I most definitely empathize with your deep longing for motherhood, and feelings of stress right now. It’s so challenging to deal with the frustration and emotional anguish of the process when it’s just not happening! And worst of all, facing feelings of jealousy and anger toward friends when you’re fed up and just want your baby now! It’s okay to feel that way. I’ve experienced two miscarriages and fertility issues myself, so I feel your pain my love. ❤️

With that being said… My honest advice to you is to RELAX WOMAN! 😅 Step away from the ovulation kits and pregnancy tests, SCREW the acupuncturist (not literally), stay off of google and eat a greasy burger! Hell, skip the gym for a week and enjoy a glass (or three) of wine instead while you’re st it! Most importantly… Put all the baby making “stuff” on ice for now and share a laugh with your future baby daddy. 

Stressing out is the worst thing you can do to yourself whether you’re TTC or not, so just stop it! You are better off smoking a pack a day than continuing down this road. It is killing you. 

The past and the future don’t matter. We only have today. Right now. So seize the moment and take things one day at a time. Get sexy. Let it flow. 😉 If you feel the need to see a specialist to explore your options, that’s great! But don’t  allow it to consume you. What is meant to be, will be! 

Sending love and prayers your way during this challenging time! You got this. 

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