(Closed) After marriage…do you have to…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, inviting everyone to a BBQ at YOUR house? Without asking? WTF?!?!  Your husband needs to seriously set her straight.

If you don’t like cooking for others, maybe you could have them over for takeout and a movie or something? Maybe she just wants to feel that you see her as family.

Post # 4
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

that is maddness.  is she going senile already?

Post # 5
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not married yet, but I can’t imagine my Future Mother-In-Law (or anyone else) doing something like this. Maybe hinting at it once or twice, but not going so far as to invite herself.

If you’re feeling pressured to do something, maybe you could host a potluck where everyone brings a dish? Cooking for my FI’s entire family would make me a little nervous for sure.

Post # 6
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m never heard of it being an “obligation”.

We have my Future Mother-In-Law over several times in the summer, and usually host a family BBQ once a summer as well (that is usually potluck, his family is huge so feeding everyone is an undertaking!).  

But FI’s sibling and Future Mother-In-Law all live really close by, so get-together happen often; so there’s no pressure to do anything fancy or have the house sparkling (well, I have our house sparkling; but that’s me).

Drop-in visits are really common in his family too.  I think if Fiance hadn’t been a bachelor for so long they’d be dropping by our place too.

 

Is this the case with his family?  What is the expectation for a BBQ/dinner?  It could be the casual kind of thing that I’m marrying into.

Post # 7
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would say it is common courtesy to invite your in-laws over from time to time for dinner or to visit.  Just like inviting your own parents occasionally would be.

But her inviting herself, other relatives, and going so far as to plan a BBQ at YOUR home and invite others to it?  That is ridiculous.

Post # 8
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WHY would your HUSBAND have to call and cancel for a party Mother-In-Law imagined?!? Maybe she just wants to make sure she stays included but good grief that sounds like a nightmare. Talk it out with your husband, make sure your on the same page, then tackle it together with her as a united front. 

Post # 9
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No. You are not obligated to have anyone over. I would completely lose it if anyone, including (or especially?) my Future Mother-In-Law planned an event for me to host and then invited people. 

Sounds like she has some serious boundary issues.

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Now she went to the extent of texting everyone in her family that I will be having a bbq at my house. Without even asking me first! When my husband and I said No, she tells him to call everyone in the family to cancel then.

holy crap! when we first married i had moms birthday lunch and christmas breakfast at our house but i got over that real quick – cant remember the last time we had family over and thats how we prefer it

i suggest you join this site and learn (you dont have to have kids to be a member)! http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dealing_with_the_in_laws_and_foo_family_of_origin 

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You definitely don’t HAVE to have his family over for dinner occasionally, but it would be nice.  If his family entertains or does family stuff a lot, they may not understand why you don’t want to do the same.  Do you guys get along otherwise?

As far as inviting people over for a bbq at your place, that’s ridiculous and I would have your Darling Husband nip that in the bud.

I’m just wondering why she’s going so crazy with this.  Have you guys not seen his parents socially since the wedding in Feb?  I know that would drive my mom nuts!

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sadly not all Brides end up with great In-Laws… feeling for you…

As this is your Husband’s Mother, then he needs to take the lead (and man-up) on this one and tell his mother to BACK OFF.

She needs to know what she has done (invite everyone) and is doing, is just going to alienate YOU and HIM from her… she is literally PUSHING you as as couple AWAY

Is this what she wants?

Doubtful… more so if you guys ever have kids.

BUT it is your guy who has to put down his foot, and show his Parents that he is now a grown MAN with a wife, and a life.

EDIT TO ADD COMMENT – Wondering if there aren’t some issues of “seperation anxiety” going on with your Mother-In-Law in regards to her son… now that I’ve read more of your replies here.  Especially seeing as you’ve added that you’ve seen them more than your own family (as early Newlyweds, if you all live close by, then it should probably more “even” than leaning towards ones family).  And you do deserve a good bit of time to yourselves as a young couple as well… family should ONLY come over when they are invited !!

Overall, I wish you Good luck, as I have a feeling you are going to need it (had a pushy Mother-In-Law my first time round… so I know how much it sucks, and how it can get worse over the years not better)

Frown *Sad Frowny Face*

PS… And yes SHE has to make the required phone calls to apologize for “HER Misunderstanding” of the situation.  Sheesh !!

 

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was married a few weeks before you!!! I’ve had my Mother-In-Law over about 4 times already.  She’s relatviely low key.  We had dinner on weeknights, and she’s had us over too.  She stays about two hours, we eat and play a card game or two, and it’s over with.

My mom had my SIL’s over all the time for dinner, it makes bonding easier and it doesn’t have to be a big deal.  My mom did it with her Mother-In-Law too, and was the favorite. 

We’ve also had 3 huge parties since we got married too, that includes the whole family, his brother’s and sister and inlaw’s.  Wow I guess I had no idea how much time we spend together but they are awesome.  I mean I love my husband so how could his family be a bunch of wack jobs lol

ETA: maybe she’s annoyed at always having to make the food and plan it all, I know my SIL (BIL’s wife) doesn’t invite her to just dinner ever and I know my Mother-In-Law has had her feelings hurt

Post # 15
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds to me like she’s just trying to get you to join in on family gatherings. Going about it wrong but just that. Don’t dwell on it too much or take it too seriously, she probably doesn’t know that your not comfortable yet. Her intentions are prob good, or I would give her the benefit of the doubt anyway.

Post # 16
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We actually have my FI’s family over a lot.  In fact, his mom just stopped by impromptu for our Memorial Day dinner.  I’m not a huge fan of FI’s mother but I know it makes him happy to have his family visit.  I usually have them over every 2-3 months for dinner.  If it will make her happy and get her off your back then why not just invite her over from time to time?

 

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