Post # 1
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
I know that there are some Bees that are having an after party following their reception. We’ve decided not to do that because 1) We’re tapped out after feeding everybody a nice dinner with an open bar at our reception and hosting our rehearsal dinner and 2) We anticipate that our reception will end near midnight and we’ll be really tired after a long day.
One of FI’s friends has said repeatedly how he’s planning to book a suite at the hotel where we are hosting the wedding to have an after party. In fact, at a recent get-together, he told anyone who would listen what a great party it will be and that it will go on for days because when he parties, he likes to do it right! I don’t know what he was trying to say, but to me it sounded as if he was implying that he’s going to turn our wedding into a 3 day bender.
I’m a bit offended that he would throw a big hotel party after our wedding. To me, it implies that he thinks guests will be left needing more or that we didn’t fulfill our hosting duties by providing dinner and 5 hours of bar time.
How would you feel about this? Am I overreacting? I would feel differently if we were hosting an after party, or if a few guests got together to continue the party in their room in a spontaneous sort of way.
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
What time does your wedding end? How much detail does this guy know?
Post # 4
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
I think you’re overreacting. Likelihood, they’ll be tired and will head back to their rooms. However, if they wanna keep partying on their dime…let them.
Post # 5
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
@peachacid: The reception will end near midnight. This guy is FI’s best friend, so he’s familiar with the details of the wedding.
Post # 6
Member
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I assume a great deal of your guests are mutual friends, right? If he wants to throw a party in his own suite, you can’t do anything to stop him. Those that attend will do so on their own accord so if they want to keep the party going, they’re more than welcome to. You can’t exactly tell people that they have to go to bed, ya know.
FWIW, every after party that I’ve ever attended, including my own, weren’t hosted by the couple so it won’t really cost you much of anything unless you want it to. For example, our after party was at a brewery across the stress from the hotel that we were married at. Those who attended paid for their own beers and apps if they wanted them. Actually, DH and I didn’t even have to pay for ourselves because everyone wanted to treat us.
So yea, I think you’re overreacting. If you don’t want to plan your own after party then don’t but you can’t control what your friend does.
Post # 7
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
Lots of people do this – why not let him? Can it really do any harm? It’s great he wants to keep celebrating (but probably just wants to keep drinking). You are not obligated to attend or stay.
Post # 8
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think there’s a problem, but I do think maybe he’s being a bit like frat-boy about it and hopefully he doesn’t advertise the party the whole duration of your wedding (and force you guys to attend whatever he’s planning).
If his verbalization gets out of hand, you can approach him about that, but you can’t stop him from having a party.
Post # 9
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
tough question and I think everyone’s situation is different. I am having a morning wedding with the reception ending at 5 pm… we are planning on “hosting” an afterparty at a local restaurant/bar and advertising it through family via word of mouth. We by no means are paying for the afterparty and will let this be known…
However, your wedding ends at midnight. if this friend wants to go out after with some other guests, that would be fine- but a frat-like party at a hotel is out of the question (unless you are game for that type of party)