(Closed) (After) Party; Good or Bad

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m just not sure how I feel about the invite-only-to-the-after-party thing. I’ll be interested to hear what other people think. Part of me thinks I’d be relieved, but part of me thinks I’d be annoyed – I’d feel obligated to bring a gift, but not be able to see the ceremony…I just don’t know. I don’t meant to talk you out of it – I just want to know what others think. I can be swayed either way.

Maybe if you word the invite something like, "After an intimate ceremony for family, we would love for our friends to join us at X," or something like that. 

Post # 4
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

i think your solution is fine! i think you’re probably going to get people asking when the ceremony is, and you could just explain how it’s small, only family, that kind of thing. but i don’t think you’ll offend anyone, you’re going out of your way to include everyone!

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

ok, yes, rebecca has a good point: look at it as a way to include everybody, not exclude some.

Post # 7
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that as long as your ceremony and reception really does only have family, then it is more than fine. I would only be offended if I knew that other friends were invited to the "real" stuff and I was only invited to the after-party. I would also feel guilty about not bringing a gift so I would just feel a little hurt, I think. In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 8
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I like amysues’ idea.  I have had several people suggest to me, since our wedding is pretty small (and they are angling for invitations) that we could have an after-party. So I assume that they mean they would be happy to be invited to the after-party, as they already know that we can’t invite them to the actual wedding.  Since you are hosting the after party (and paying for their drinks) I would think that you shouldn’t feel too bad if they bring a small gift.

You could think of it this way – I have several cousins who are LDS and so we only ever get invited to their after-parties.  We still bring presents even though we didn’t see the ceremony, just because we are happy for them (and because we appreciate them going to the trouble to have a party).  And those are just food – no drinks!

Post # 9
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think its a great way to include everyone especially if its a fairly casual affair with an invite that clearly indicates that you’re opening up to a bigger party for the after-party. I don’t know that you would even necessarily imply that they need to bring a gift if you created a friendly casual invite.

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I was recently invited to an after-party of a wedding by a co-worker.  He explained they were having a smaller wedding (less than 100 people) but would love it if I came to the after-party and gave me the info.  I wasn’t insulted at all, nor did I think I was to bring a gift.  I ended up not going b/c I had another wedding to attend but I thought it was fine and a nice idea.

Post # 11
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007 - The Wellington House in Fayetteville, NY

We did something very similar, we had a morning wedding, afternoon reception and then a big after party. 

(you can read my old posts about it here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/07/23/our-happily-ever-after-party/

and here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/08/07/diy-publisher-invite/)

We did end up inviting some people to just the after party, but we saved that just for some of our younger friends who we knew wouldn’t be offended, and we explained that there was limited room at the reception site. 

If you are really only inviting family and very close friends, I don’t think anyone would be offended.  Most people understand nowdays how expensive weddings can get if you invite a million people and they know that you always have to invite family first.

Hope that helps.

 ~ Mrs. Radish

Post # 12
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Future Mother-In-Law suggest this for a few of her friends she wanted to invite, let them come to the reception. Being that I don’t really know them I was a bit ok with this though my first instinct was to find it rude.

Like Radish said – if it’s just  family and very close friends at the wedding and recpt. then I don’t think the party-only-guests would be offened. Just put something on the invite like:

-Come party it up with us to celebrate our newly exchanged vows-

Most of these people might think that they didn’t miss anything anyway, since it will feel like the reception 🙂 

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