(Closed) After-party or first time together?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@em370:  We waited, And yes it was awkward and a little painful. But it was also incredibly wonderful and memorable. I can’t imagine delaying it.

I can see a few problems with your idea: First: what are you going to do at the end of the night? Sleep in separate beds? Sleep in the same bed without attempting to be intimate? Try to make love anyway?

Also, getting your guests to leave could be awkward, because there’s the unspoken “Please leave so we can do the deed”.  At least when we left the reception, it was a “clean break”. The formalities were over, we said goodbye to everyone properly, we had the rest of the night to ourselves.

And another thing: it’s a huuuuuge day. You are adding another whole part to it.  Oh, and how do you decide who to invite to the after party? Will it cause tension if some guests are invited but not others?

Sorry to throw all those negative points at you, but that’s how I see it.

Post # 4
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night but I also tossed around the idea of an after party since all of my bridesmaides and family were in the same hotel, in fact one bridesmaid was in the room next door!

By the end of the night EVERYONE was exhausted. We had a 6pm wedding but woke up @7am to start the day and it was an extremely long day. 

While it is a fun idea to keep the night going, I think it really depends on your day of schedule. You might be ready for some down time of you’ve been surrounded by people all day.  I was SO ready for alone time and I think all my friends were too haha! 

Post # 6
2542 posts
Sugar bee

Our reception ended quite late and we were exhausted. A friend of ours threw an after party for whoever wanted to keep things going but we headed to our hotel room. We didn’t wait til our wedding night to have sex but it was still special (first time as husband and wife!) and I wouldn’t have done it differently. I definitely would have been too tired to do it had we gone to the after party.

I guess the way I see it, is that you can have a party any time but you only have one wedding night. It’s a special and intimate time, and especially perfect if it’s also your first time 🙂

Post # 7
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@em370:  Sorry something else to thing of: Are these 30 people, or most of them, staying at the hotel? I doubt the hotel would let you invite 30 non-hotel guests to use their pool.

Post # 8
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@em370:  We’re also abstaining and it’s difficult enough as is. So after the day is over I’d be kicking everyone to the curb! Bump an after party! lol

Post # 9
958 posts
Busy bee

I know how exausted I am after partying at SOMEONE ELSE’S wedding. I can’t imagine being a bride and still being awake at 2am after my wedding. 

Post # 10
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We’re actually waiting til the day afternoon when we get to our honeymoon destination. We figured we waited this long, we might as well wait one more night to make it more special, instead of just in a hotel by the airport wherwhere’re staying for like 5 hours before we catch a 6am flight. My sister and her husband did the same thing.

Post # 11
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


We actually have a scheduled afterparty for the next night already in our itinerary. But then our wedding reception itself goes until almost midnight.

Post # 12
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 We did the same thing as @mrscali13: … we waited until we had made all of our flights and we were comfortably at our honeymoon destination. That way we werent all sleepy and sore from dancing (which we def were the night of our wedding).

I was EXHAUSTED after my weding was finished, and couldnt picture partying anymore. But if you think that you can do it, party hardy! Putting it off one night longer wont diminish the fact that it’s your first time with your husband, and the more memories made, the better!! 

Post # 13
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My friend had an after party at her wedding and it was so fun! It was just the young crowd at the hotel bar and I had a really great time. I can’t relate to the waiting part- you may just want to get down! I like the waiting til the honeymoon idea, though. 

Post # 14
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was FAR from a virgin when Danny and I got married (not only was I with other people before him, but he and I had been having sex for YEARS and were even married before we finally had our actual ceremony/reception) but I was too exhausted for EITHER afterward. Maybe because I’m disabled, I don’t know, but I was just…too tired. Too tired for an afterparty, too tired for sex. Everyone was super wasted by then anyway, it ended around midnight, so there wasn’t really a need for an afterparty. All I did when the reception was over was flop over on the bed in my hotel room, Danny undressed me and ran the hot tub, I settled into it to ease my achy bones and the next thing I know he’s gently waking me going “you’re going to drown in here if you fall asleep, let me help you into bed.”

I was donezo. 

I’d just play it by ear. If you decide to have an afterparty take them back to your hotel room or do something that requires less planning. If you decide you just want him, then so be it. 

Post # 15
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Every wedding that I’ve been to that had an afterparty, the afterparty did NOT include the bride and groom.  It was just the younger crowd going out together post-reception to enjoy each others company some more.  Our friends did this after our reception too while Darling Husband and I went to our hotel room.

IMO, the bride and groom should be enjoying each others company post-reception.

Post # 16
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We were waaaay too exhausted to have an after party! I would honeslt nix an afterparty in favor of private time just the two of you.

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