(Closed) After Proposal: Should I let her surprise her family?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I vote for the surprise the family option. 

Post # 4
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Surprise my family hands down!  I’m also not traditional, and I do not want my SO to ask permission from my parents.

Post # 5
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Could you just ask for a blessing from the father?  My Fiance asked my Dad for his blessing but asked him to keep it a secret from my Mom so I could surprise her with the news myself.  (I was not aware of any of this until after of course)  That might be a good option.  If you want everyone to be surprised then I think it’s fine to not ask but it does show respect for her family.  I think if I had to choose between asking my parents and having the news spread to the whole family or getting to surprise them with the news together I would pick getting to surprise everyone, that part was really fun!

Post # 6
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d ask permission first. My fiance asked my parents permission first. My mother is also a huge gossip but he asked her to please not tell any of my sisters or extended family and surprisingly she actually didn’t. Talk to your girlfriends mom and just make it extremely clear to her that you want her to keep it to herself. I am sure she will totally understand. You can also not tell her exactly when you are going to ask that way she will be surprised about the timing. Just tell her you are going to do it while you are visiting which will totally throw her off! 🙂

Post # 7
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I like the surprise the family option… but I would suggest finding a way to get in touch with her dad only and ask for his blessing first. It may seem insignificant, but I’m sure he would appreciate it. Just make sure to convey to him that it needs to be a secret until she makes the grand announcement.

Post # 8
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wanted to be the first to know and my now husband was well aware of that.  I never liked the whole asking for permission/blessing thing.  

If she has strong feelings about this either way, you would probably know by now though. 

My vote is for surprise!

Post # 9
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh I vote for the option from MissEagleEye about just asking her father and asking him to not reveal it to the mother if you feel she would be the issue…

It all depends on if the parents are traditional or not?? if they are then they may be offended that you did not when you are flying out there around the same time, but if they are like their daughter then do the surprise if the asking just the father is not an option.

Good Luck 🙂

Post # 10
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I am very non-traditional and I really appreciated that my now-fiance asked my father 5 days before it happened. My father told my gossipy mom and she told my grandmother, godmother, sister, and all of her co-workers. I got a couple of cryptic “having an amazing, once in a lifetime trip” emails from these people and I figured out it was coming. That gave me time to prepare, get my nails done, and get excited. All of the waiting insecurity went away.

It didn’t take away from the excitement at all. It was still fun to call and tell them. 

And in shocks of all shocks, my gossipy family was able to keep it off facebook for a whole week after we got engaged (per our request), so if you ask you future in laws to please not tell anyone because you don’t want to deny the opportunity to surpise her and you don’t want to take away the joy she will get telling people, they might listen.



Post # 11
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

suprise!!!!!! SUPRISE!!!!!

Post # 12
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds lovely.

I like the whole surprise the night before you fly out idea (altho if she reads WBee, cannot be sure she won’t read this… so I sure hope you’ve changed some of the details in this post)

Most of the Bees over on the WAITING BOARD “feel” there is a possibility of a Proposal whenever there is a big vacation coming up, or getting together with family.  Altho most figure it will happen in the Destination City, particularly so if they figure their guy is the traditional type who will tell her Parents first (Ask for Permission / Blessing)

Mr TTR and I are older (this is an Encore Wedding for us).  He is a traditional guy, so I was touched that he Asked my Dad for his Blessing, after he asked me to marry him.  Dad was happy to give it… so everything worked out for us.

It will for you too / you two

Hope this helps,


Post # 13
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would surprise them. I know that I didn’t want DH to ask my parents first, and I was very happy that he didn’t. If she’s non-traditional, it’s likely she’ll feel the same!

Post # 14
5063 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would always ask permission first. but I also love the idea of a total surprise. Best wishes.

Post # 16
6 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

The surprise is definitely worth it. And I agree about telling her father first so that her parents don’t feel left out.

Proposing right before you guys go to SD is smart as well. I proposed to my Fiance three days before I was going to see lots of my family in person but they found out via Facebook before I could see them.

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