(Closed) After the wedding is over: did anyone else end up not talking to a bridesmaid?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m not sure what to tell you since I haven’t gotten married yet… however I can tell you that some people just don’t know what to do in these situations.  They may not know the etiquette or the planning that goes into a wedding, so it may seem like they don’t care to help, even though the truth may be that they had no idea how to help.  

Did you tell her things that she could do to help you out?  It seems a little mean to let this relationship slide because you feel she ‘ruined’ your wedding experience.  Was it really so drastic like that?

I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and I was TERRIFIED of letting her down, so at some points I felt paralyzed about what I should be doing, and whether some detail or plan I had made would be something she even wanted.  She was very particular about what she liked, and I was scared to let her down, since I’m not a party planner at all… I’m the farthest thing from Martha Stewart.

I just think maybe you should ease up on your friend.  You even thought to get her a book because you knew she was inexperienced, but then decided not to.  You kind of left her out to dry. You CHOSE her to be a bridesmaid, I’m assuming because she was a good friend of yours, yet you didn’t bother to help her out in that respect.  

Post # 5
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Well, that really sucks to have a bridesmaid who was so unwilling to help.  If I were in your shoes, I think I would just sort of avoid her from now on.  You offered help in the best way you could, and she did have other BMs to ask.  It sounds like she wasn’t really into it, and actually avoided getting involved, so you don’t really want that sort of ‘friend’ in your life anyway… someone who is pretty unreliable.

I don’t know if I would say anything to her, because I feel like she’d just make excuses or whatever.  If it were me, I’d just kind of let her go…

 

p.s. so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she’s doing better.

Post # 6
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.  In all honesty I think you are being a bit harsh.  It was YOUR wedding, not your MoH’s wedding.  Was she there to support you on your wedding day?  IMO that is the ONLY “duty” of a BM/MoH.

Post # 7
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

interestingly enough, the Bridesmaid or Best Man i have talked to the least since the wedding is my sister!  She’s in a  relationship with a very controlling Girlfriend and had they been more serious when we were getting married, my own sister probably wouldn’t have come to the wedding!  Even then she spent hours on the phone with the girl, standing in the hallway because the Girlfriend refused to talk to her if someone else was in the room!

Since then she’s also been having arguments about money with my parents (as in, she wants to spend lots of their money and they won’t let her anymore) so it’s been very stressful and kindof depressing to go from talking to my sister once a week to maybe talking with her once every couple of months!

my other bms are on facebook and we constantly stay in touch – my sister defriended me when I told her that I thought her girlfriend was too controlling and the relationship wasn’t a good one.  Sigh – hello foot, meet mouth. 

Post # 8
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Did she really RUIN your whole wedding, just because she wasn’t sure about typical “wedding protocol”? That’s a shame. My bridesmaids are my FI’s sisters, and they are all from Nigeria. They hardly know anything about how weddings over here work, and I don’t expect them to. You said yourself that she has never been to a wedding, and I think expecting a MOH to “read up” on their role is a bit much. 

Post # 11
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

if she put on the dress and showed up at the wedding on time her duties are complete.  anything else (showers, oot bags, bachelorette parties) is a nice bonus, but not required. 

 

sorry to hear about your mother though.

Post # 12
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

@Miss Sapphire: Nope, I didn’t miss any of those things.  So she missed out when the other BM’s were doing things, oh well.  BM’s aren’t hired helped.  If they can help – great, but it is NOT a requirement, at least in my book.

I just can’t fathom letting a friendship die because she didn’t do enough for your wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

From a BMs perspective – it’s just annoying when everyone else is there to help out and one person decides that she has something better to do.  Absolutely BMs are not hired help, and expectations do vary from wedding to wedding.  But it’s one thing if you can’t be there (as I couldn’t for one bride because I live in another state) until the night before the wedding and quite another to show up for the entire week and not participate at all until the day of the wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SanDiegoAli:  Can you understand her disappointment though?  Her being a Maid/Matron of Honor… I think everyone would agree that that comes with some degree of responsibility.  I think it’s the fact that a friend that she cared about seemed to not really care enough to help.  That’s all.  I don’t think her OP really got the point across.  

If there was a certain reason why this Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t help out (either has a hugely busy life of her own or lived out of town) then that’s one thing.  It’s expected.  But she was asked to throw a bachelorette party and a shower and did neither of those things.  That’s a disappointment, no matter which way you look at it.

I can understand wanting to distance myself from someone who acted like that.

Post # 16
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Disappointment is one thing.

Cutting a friend out of your life because she didn’t live up to the play by play you had planned in your head is completely different.

I still stand by my opinion on this and others are welcome to stand by theirs, to each their own.

 

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