Post # 1
It has been about half a year since I was married. I find myself thinking back at the day and overanalyzing everything that I could have slightly tweaked to make better.
There were no major problems at the wedding. The entire day/night went by so fast.
– I couldn’t begin to tell you if all my guests had a great time. I know at a particular moment at the end of the evening the dance floor was empty but I assume that was due to having a food truck deliver late night snacks and a photobooth all stationed right outside the reception room. I wonder if the empty dance floor at one point in the night equates to guests not having fun or if I’m overanalyzing.
– I question whether the dress I wore was “the one for me” or if I would have spent more time I would have found the classy dress of my dreams. I liked my dress but wasn’t obsessed with it and would love more than anything to keep searching for something that I know was my dream dress.
– Last, I have a family member who pretty much wrote my husband and I off since we wouldn’t allow kids at the wedding. She was hurt that her children were not allowed to attend and thus never RSVP’d to the wedding invite, never said congrats to us or acknowledged the marriage when we’ve seen her recently. She was upset that we had 3 kids in the wedding party that were very close to my husband but that her kids weren’t allowed even though we aren’t as close to her or her kids.
– I also had a girlfriend make a big stink about not being chosen as a bridesmaid who brought it up multiple times throughout the engagement. She asked to at least have some role within the day so I created a role for her to try to make her feel more than just a guest (and also because I try to please everyone I come into contact with) by asking her help with passing out programs (we had no readings, unity candles, etc during our ceremony as we did not get married in a church). She declined and felt offended I would ask her to even do that.
As a people pleaser I think to these situations and wonder if I did something wrong or was insensitive.
I spent so much time and $ planning what I wanted to be my all time dream wedding that I often analyze whether the wedding met the expectations I had hoped it would. I wonder if guests truly enjoyed themselves and talk positively of the day we planned.
Is it normal to replay all of these decisions post wedding or am I driving myself crazy for no reason?
Post # 2
kristen4444: am I driving myself crazy for no reason?
Yes. I suggest you enjoy the present and anticipate the future rather than regret the past.
Post # 3
The main point of a wedding is to celebrate the union of two people in love. All the other stuff doesn’t matter in the long run, and it’s not like you can do anything about it now. I bet your guests remember a lovely time at your wedding, and you and Darling Husband probably had a lot of fun too. It will be ok!
Post # 4
kristen4444: Maybe stay off wedding planning websites? I feel like sites like these, while useful during the planning phase, can often cause people to second guess after the fact.
I think there is an unealistic expectation about weddings in general. When rubber meets the road, it’s just a party. Were your vows meaningful? Are you happily married? That is the only important part of the wedding.
Post # 5
You’re driving yourself crazy for no reason. It was one day, one party- it will never be perfect and setting up that expectation only leads to disappointment.
Post # 6
kristen4444: Yes. This is silly. Stop.
Post # 7
Thank you all. This is the kick in the butt I needed. I think the pressure to have the day be the absolute best day of my life just provides an extreme amount of pressure especially for someone who is a perfectionist.
Thank you for helping remind me that all of this is ridic to stress over and to live in the present.
It’s so easy to reflect on the what-if’s than to appreciate what went extremely well and what it is that I have now: marriage.
Post # 8
kristen4444: “Last, I have a family member who pretty much wrote my husband and I off since we wouldn’t allow kids at the wedding. She was hurt that her children were not allowed to attend and thus never RSVP’d to the wedding invite, never said congrats to us or acknowledged the marriage when we’ve seen her recently. “
<br /><br />We had one of those, too. On my husband’s (FOB) side. When my family saw them at the rehearsal dinner, for another relative’s wedding, they ignored them for the 1st half, until my husband went over to talk to them. The next day one of them tried to apologize to my daughter, probably at the insistance of my Mother-In-Law, and ended up lying to her twice. Good riddance to them!
As the Ricky Nelson song goes, “You can’t please everyone, so you have to please yourself.”
Post # 9
PABride: Thank you for sharing. I put myself in their shoes and just cannot see myself ever emotionally wrapping myself up in the decisions that make the bride/groom happy. I understand weddings to be a day where guests are selfless and supportive no matter what so it’s something I struggle trying to understand. A difference in mentality I guess.
Post # 10
kristen4444: While I don’t think it’s worth dwelling on- after all, what can that change??– I sort of understand how you feel.
It’s been a year since my wedding, and here are a few things I remember distinclty that bugged me:
1) despite trying very hard to plan the wedding date around my period, of course it didn’t work it. I literally gain 7-8 pounds of straight water weight- all in my face and breasts the week before. I got my period the morning after wedding. My face is incredibly bloated in all of the pictures and- no joke- if I had not had a corset put into my dress, it would not have fit the day of- because my breasts get that much bigger. I was bummed because my last fitting was very close my wedding- and I was bloating at all, and I felt beautiful. Day off was very different LOL
2) Couldn’t have had a worse hair day. My hair was acting out of sorts- I can throw my hair to the side most days and feel gorgeous. On the day I have a styilist and try- it won’t stay put, fell out during the evening, and just overall wouldn’t cooperate.
3) SILs showed up to have thier hair done about 5 minutes before the stylist showed up. They knew it was important to stick to schedule. I was getting a ride and arriving about a half hour later. They arrived at the venue- EARLY- and because the stylist was ON TIME and not early (I notified everyone that no one could get into the venue before noon- so don’t bother showing up BEFORE NOON). SILs left and drove downtown to thier hotel….wandered around, hung out…..when they were slated to get thier hair done (thier choice). It threw pictures back over an hour- and we missed A LOT of desired photos.
4) and the last thing– the venue opened the doors to the reception area over an hour early- we were slated to have a 1.5 hour cocktail hour with passed h’ouduvres (I can’t spell that!!)– and then there was supposed to be sort of grand opening of the doors- the ceremony room got transformed into the dance area/reception area. Well the turnover went WAY faster than expected, and then they just opened the doors when they were done. It was supposed to be timed with the rest of the food being served, and I was a little bummed because it seemed under-whelming the way they did it.
I can get over the last one I mentioned quite easily- and the only reason I even think about the first few are because pictures are constant reminders.
I realize there’s nothing that will change that- and what’s most important is that I married my husband (that was really hard for me to type as we are not seeing eye to eye on something at the moment and I’m a little mad at him LOL)