Post # 1
So our little group of core friends is 5 people (names changed):
me and the Fiance
Bob and his gf Sally
After me and the Fiance got engaged, Fred started flaking on us. He started texting us an hour before we were supposed to meet up, and give us some lame excuse (“I have to help my mom move furniture” etc)… he did this for 3 consecutive weeks.
Well last weekend, Fred decided to show up. Sally pulls me aside and tells me: “Before you and (FI) showed up, Fred was asking how much engagement rings cost…it was really weird. He wouldn’t tell us WHY either.”
Fred hasn’t had any girlfriends in the 5 years that we’ve known him. So unless he’s been hiding a girl… but this is what I *THINK* is happening:
Fred is constantly trying to out-do the Fiance. In everything. Video games. Board games. Debates. You name it, Fred wants to be better. So I think he was trying to ask Bob and Sally how much my Fiance spent on my engagement ring, so he could go out and buy something more expensive.
*AAAAND* I found out that a week after the Fiance proposed to me, Fred went out and bought himself a 65″ TV. (Fred is in more debt than.. um.. I can’t think of a joke here. But let’s just say that he shouldn’t be buying any TVs.)
I just don’t get it. We used to be such a tight knit group of friends. And then all of a sudden… he just falls off the face of the earth and starts acting weird. The Fiance approached Fred and asked him if everything was ok, and Fred played it off like nothing was wrong and started accusing my Fiance of “being too tightly wound.”
It just sucks. We had such a small group of friends to begin with… and now someone has dropped off. :
Post # 3
hmm…. i think Fred is in love with you… why would he want to out-do your Fi is he wasnt?
just a thought, i might be wrong
Post # 4
@Anamagana: It is kind of awkward. Fred texts ME all the time.. and he’s been friends with the Fiance for over 10 years. And yet I’m the one he always texts. Although, again, after we got engaged, he hasn’t texted me once.
Post # 5
@Anamagana: +1. This is a sign of him being hurt, and him realising that his feelings aren’t reciprocated. OR, he might be feeling like a spare wheel. When Fiance and I first started dating my best male friend got really upset because he was single and everyone else in our circle of friends were in relationships.
Let Fred deal with these emotions by himself. He might come around, or he might just end up drifting off.
Post # 6
Fred is in love with you, obviously, and is just now realizing he doesn’t have a chance. Let it go.
Post # 7
@LadyMoriarty: well… there you have it… maybe you should talk to him and ask him how he feels?
Maybe if he confesses his feelings he’ll be able to heal and get better… or maybe it could get worse… i really dont know what advice give you.
I guess i’d just let him be.
Post # 8
My first reaction was also that Fred is in love with you. Talk about awkward. And what a child for trying to compete with your Fiance like some immature teenager.
Post # 9
This reminds me of Love Actually, the Kiera Knightly plot. Don’t let Fred photograph the wedding. Sorry for the joke, but I have to agree with PP that he has a thing for you and is having some difficulty realizing you are now officially officially off the market.
Post # 10
@LadyMoriarty: People get weird. I think everyone can think of one friend or acquaintance etc. that started acting strange at some point. I agree Fred could be in love with you.
It sounds like it isn’t that big of a loss, though. I typically like to be friends with people who have similar values. If he’s flaky, in massive debt due to dumb spending etc. then that’s not really someone I’d want to be spending massive amounts of time with.
Post # 11
Sounds like Fred has feelings for you. It’s very common in opposite-sex friendships. All you can do is give him time and space.
Post # 12
I’ve noticed that friendships change with each life stage – getting a serious boyfriend, getting engaged, getting married, and having kids. The friendships either evolve or are lost. A lot of complex emotions go on, i.e. the nature of the relationship changes and jealousy ensues, but hopefully a good heart to heart can help the situation.
When our priorities changed, we lost a ton of friends. We are so busy though that we don’t care to spend time on drama!
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
As others have said, Fred may like you. It’s also possible that with you two getting engaged it’s made him realise that he’s actually kind of lonely? I mean, he is very much a fith wheel in your group (not that I think you’ve done anything to make him feel this).
Post # 14
@LadyMoriarty: Is it possible that Fred feels left out since the other 4 of you are coupled up? It does sound odd the way he is behaving tho. I agree with PP, sounds like he likes you as more than a friend.
Post # 15
@Anamagana: Winner winner chicken dinner.
Post # 16
I think Fred feels kind of like the odd man out OR he likes you, especially if he is trying to outdo your Fiance at everything.