Post # 1
Hi! Fiance and I are getting married in February. Right now we live in the same city I grew up in because his father brought a duplex and rents the smaller part out to us. We live in the Bay Area. California and it is murder the prices to live out here. Our tiny place is 500 square feet and we pay $900 a month. If he wasn’t his Dad we would probably be charged anywhere from $1200 to $1600 a month.
After the wedding Fiance wants to save best we can to get a house since our current situation will never allow us to begin to have kids. He wants to move to the Sacramento area seeing housing is way more reasonable and we could actually afford a house payment. Only thing is I have never lived that far from my parents. Still getting used to being 15 minutes away don’t know how to process being a hour and a half away. Also we now live about an hour and a half away from his mother which is a beautiful thing because the further the better. This move will put her about 45 minutes away. I truthfully do not want her to think she can just pop up anytime which I see happening. My question is how did you guys who moved further away from home get used to the transition. What would be the best way to approach maybe a meet in the middle even though housing is still rather high?
Post # 2
I moved to China for a year, and it was no big deal. An hour and a half away is really not far! It may not seem like it right now, but that’s because you have nothing to compare it to. Many people live across the country, or across the world from their families and manage just fine. If this is for the sake of your future, and your future children, it will be worth it. Meeting in the middle and paying more seems a bit silly, considering 45 mins away is not that much different than an hour and a half away.
I’d move to Sacramento and save whatever money possible, if I were you.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I’m a three hour flight from my family. Honestly, an hour and a half really isn’t that much – how often do you see your parents currently? As for your mother in law, you don’t have to let her in if she appears on your doorstep and if she asks to visit, just say “sorry, that doesn’t work for us.”
Post # 4
To add onto the point made by KhaleesiStormborn :
I live a 12+ hour flight away from my parents, my SO lives over 24h away from his parents, door to door, as it involves 2 flights of 10+ hours. 1.5 hours is really not a big deal! 🙂 There’s always phone calls and skype if you need to talk urgently, but you’ll be able to see them every week!
Post # 5
If you don’t like the thought of being 45 mins away from his mum, perhaps you should consider whether raising a family 15 mins away from your family is appealing to your fiancé.
I understand your concerns but 45 minutes is probably still just too far to be “popping in”, and perhaps you can focus your search on areas that maximise the distance between your and your FMIL’s house.
Post # 6
If it’s going to save you money, go for it. You’ll be glad you did- a house is a money pit! Any extra money saved will help.
Additionally, 1.5 hour is not far away. It may seem like it but in all reality is isn’t.
Regarding your Mother-In-Law, if she doesn’t visit often now or whatever, I doubt it would be any different.
Post # 7
My parents live in different countries 🙁 1.5 hours away would be awesome! Maybe your Fiance needs a bit a space too.
Post # 8
An hour and a half away is NOT far. I would definitely do it to save the money and have a better lifestyle for you both, and for your future children. If it really means a lot to you to be so close to your family, you could still see them every weekend if you want. Myself and my Fiance both live overseas from our parents, so I would envy you in being able to drive over for a visit whenever you want!
Post # 9
I know everyone here is saying “1.5 hours is nothing” but I know for some people that it can be huge. I moved 2.5 hours away from my parents for work and it was fine but I didn’t see them very much. Currently bout an hour away (as I moved back to the city and like you houses closes were way out of my reach) and I see them whenever I want to and we do a lot of catching up in the middle (most to walk all of our dogs.)
Not gonna lie if you see them all the time then it will be a bit of an adujustment but you will have your husband to be there with you to support you through it and you and your family will make it work. It is a managable distance.
You gotta cut thoes apron strings sometime bee!
Post # 10
I think it will do you good to move a bit further away. Its good to be close to your family but if 15 minutes seems far to you now then you may be a bit dependant on them. 1 1/2 hours sounds perfect, its close enough to see them on weekends and maintain a good relationship but gives you enough distance to start your own family life. Im also a personal believer that everyone needs to experience living away from their home town (I actually think most people would benefit from living abroad for a short period of time). And if moving to Sacramento would also mean you can buy a house and start a family thats amazing and definitely beats renting indefinitely! Look at the exciting aspects rather than the scary!
Post # 11
1.5 hours is nothing…I drive that far to get to the mall and Target. :/
Seriously…I get it…I live about 3 minutes from my parents. That being said I went 3.5 hrs away for college, and then moved 10.5 hours away. DH and I did move back to this area, which is where I grew up, because we love it and this is where we wanted to establish our home. That being said the years we lived away were seriously no big deal and we were 10 hours away!! That takes substantial planning and time off. You could easily make the 1.5 hour drive in a day to visit with your family. Heck, I know people who commute that far for work each day.
You sound pretty dependant uppon them, and for that I think the move would do you good. You’re getting married, it’s time for your husband to become your source of support. I’m not saying ditch your family, but the best thing DH and I could have done was move away and be totally dependant upon each other. It really was a game changer for our relationship.
Post # 12
1.5 hours is great because you can see them but have to plan it. I’d suggest trying it and if it’s really not working then go back to the Bay Area and spend more money/save less. This isn’t a change that you can never fix.
As for the 45 min from your Mother-In-Law, set boundaries. My Mother-In-Law is 4 hours away and thought it was appropriate to just drop in…when I told her that we had plans and she would have to get a hotel/couldn’t stay with us (I had friends in town from another country) she got the picture. If you allow her to just drop in, she will. Don’t let it happen.
Post # 13
You sound entirely way too dependent on them. It’s time to cut the apron strings.
Post # 14
As someone who also lives in a HCOL area, I say go for it. It seems he has you and your future family’s best interests in mind because he wants to save money in order to be able to afford a nice life. Sounds like a responsible plan to me! It does not have to be forever and you will still see your family in the meantime.
Post # 15
I love my family and we have a great relationship, but I cut and ran as soon as I could. DH and I moved 18 hours away a few months after we met, and now we’re 7 hours away.
I think 5 hours would be my minimum. DH misses being closer to his family, but our hometown is terrible and I’m a-okay with his parents being hours away from us.
Like others have said, I’m a big believer in moving away from home. The world is a big, beautiful place. Go experience life in another part of it. You’re too old to be so dependent on your parents.