(Closed) After Wedding Rant!!! 19 Gifts- 120 Guests…Wedding No shows/No calls

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 123
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t give a hoot what etiquette says, if you’re invited to a wedding, you bring a gift. A card. A piece of wood that you painted the bride and groom’s name on! You bring SOMETHING for crying out loud. Unless the bride and groom specifically say on the invite that they do not want a present, then a card and/or gift should be brought. 

120 guests and you got 19 gifts/cards total. WTF planet are these people raised on??? If I’m invited to anything, be it an Oscar party at my best friend’s house or a wedding, you best believe I walk in with something in my hand. i don’t understand how rude people can be. Nor do I think it’s rude of you to have expected people to bring a card with at least a congratulations scribbled inside for your WEDDING. 

Edit: And don’t even get me started about the no call/no shows who RSVP’d “yes”. If I was them, I’d be embarrassed to look you in the face.

Post # 124
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I don’t know what to think about this whole thing. My sister keeps acting like I’m crazy because I keep telling her that I’m not concerned about getting gifts. I would be concerned about the no-shows after RSVPing, though, because I plan to have a really small wedding. So those I do invite really need to show up, with or without a gift, I don’t care. 

Post # 125
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@chh11:  No one cares as much about your wedding as you do. I learned this when I got married last year. That’s just how it goes. You put a lot of thought and planning into your special day, but really guests put on a nice outfit and show up. A year later it won’t matter what you did or didn’t get.

Yeah. I think you’re right about this. 

Post # 127
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ew how can people be like that?! I have never attended a celebration empty handed. IDK it’s a bit contradicting though because of course nobody should expect anything from anybody else. But it is just good etiquette to give the person something even if they don’t ask for it.

Post # 128
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Thread’s like this push me closer to eloping. Nevermind all the negative comments, rant away girl! RANT AWAY! 

Post # 129
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@JoJoDahling:  I completely disagree. I think it was very rude of you not to make her a card. If you don’t have printer paper, you should have notebook paper lying around. 

Post # 130
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@fishbone:  I have to disagree. It is a fact that in almost EVERY culture, it is customary to bring a gift or money to a wedding. It’s easy for you to say, ‘oh well some people might not be taught to bring a gift’, but I honestly think that it is impossible to be raised in any culture without understanding wedding customary norms. Weddings and marriages are a huge part of any culture. The only way someone would not know that weddings call for congratulatory cards or gifts would be if they were raised in a culture where weddings and marriages were not imporant. My parents are korean and sometimes they aren’t aware of certain american norms, but they have enough intuitive sense to understand that- just like korean weddings- american weddings are a big deal. So they asked a friend what gift was appropriate for a very americanized wedding they went to a few years back. Even if they didn’t know what the american custom was, they would have shown up with a card and $50-70 in an unmarked envelope (as is typical in korea). 

Post # 131
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bo55y1:  Totally brutal! The commenters who are saying it is not perfectly within your rights to be annoyed and apalled by this maybe didn’t read your post very carefully? It’s pretty clear to me that you are annoyed by the inconsiderateness of it all and not by the lack of presents! 

I have to admit though, I have done something like this before. Mind you I had maybe been to one wedding before this one, as a little kid, but at my cousin’s wedding a few years back, I did not bring a present or a card or anything! I am still so embarassed by this. I was in my early 20s, had just broken up with my long term boyfriend, had a tough time even getting the day off from my demanding job to go to the wedding, was just learning how to drive a standard (my new/used car) and drove in it to Toronto for the first time, alone. Hah. So yeah, a lot was going on, but that tends to be how a lot of people in their early 20s just feel all the time. Like soooo muuuch is going on all at once in their lives, they don’t really have the ability to pull away from their own sh*t and consider the feelings and thought of other people, or consider things like common courtesy and etiquette. As you mature you start to get better at this kind of thing. So I’m wondering if you had a lot of people at your wedding who were particularly immature or young? I’m so embarassed still about not getting my cousin anything for her wedding that I think I might get her a wedding gift for MY wedding, hah. Better late than never?

The only counterpoint I have for you is, you had to have seen at least some of this coming, right? I mean presumably many of these people have been in your life for a while, they haven’t had any other opportunities to let you down? I have a lot of unreliable people in my family and they will all be at my wedding, so I’m expecting a similar situation, but I’m braced for it and I’m going to (do my best to) not let it bother me. Because I know these people, I know they are like that, they “didn’t do all the wedding things, pffft, how silly and unnecessary” so I’m sure they won’t respect the fact that I *did*. But they are my family and I love them anyway and even if I didn’t I’m stuck with them. So in principle it is rude and sucky, but if I let it bother me too much I’m the one losing the most in the end.

Post # 132
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bo55y1:  Sorry about your situation.  I can’t imagine having 15 no shows!  And with little to no explanation.  But if these no shows aren’t married, I’d probably be a little more lenient with them since they probably don’t realize bailing on a wedding is quite different than a regular party.  I never skipped out on a wedding myself but it wasn’t until I was planning my own wedding that I realized how annoying an indecisive guest, no reply, and a no show could be. 

As for the gifts, there may be some that will still trickle in.  I always take something to a wedding whether it’s a gift or cash so I understand your frustration over a person who can’t even get a card for you on your big day. 

I will say though, after my wedding I learned gift giving etiquette definitely varies by culture.  And we can’t fault our guests for what they believe in when it comes to gifts.  Here’s a story for you:  Just as a note, I’m Asian and my husband is not.  Well, after my wedding, my husband and I were opening gifts with my family and apparently my dad realized one of my friends didn’t give us a gift.  I didn’t realize it until my dad mentioned it.  And my dad was so upset that he told me to stop being friends with this non gift giver.  My dad’s reaction surprised me and my husband but apparently by not giving a wedding gift, my friend insulted me and my family.  Who knew!  So after that, my husband and I (just the two of us) looked into who gave what, if any, and we found about 80% of my friends gave us a gift and/or card, 100% of my family and parents’ friends gave us a gift.  While less than half of my husband’s friends, family, and parents’ friends gave us a card or gift.  So the attitude about giving gifts definitely varied by culture in my case. 

Post # 133
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Technically, invitees have up to one year to send a gift to the newlyweds….

Post # 134
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes the economy is tight… hence spending $$$ on a meal for someone who no shows is unfair and brutal!- if someone was going to go to a concert that cost $30 a ticket, then they cancelled last minute, you’d kinda expect them to pay for the ticket anyway so its awfully rude not to at least apologise and send a card with a gift voucher.

I am shocked anyone would turn up to a wedding without at least a card… lets hope the mail service is being especially slow…

 

The topic ‘After Wedding Rant!!! 19 Gifts- 120 Guests…Wedding No shows/No calls’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors