(Closed) age at marriage doesn't match timeline for having children…please read

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The majority of the people I know are having their first kid in their 30s. It seems pretty common where I’m from. I’m 27 also (we just got married in October) and don’t plan on TTC for at least another year or two (he’s 30). Nowadays I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal! ๐Ÿ™‚

edit (after reading Future_Ms.Bostonceltics post, below me): I completely agree that timelines are not set in stone! When I was younger I was sure I would’ve had 3 kids by now!! LOL! Also, I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, living together for 5 of them… but we are just really enjoying our lives as is at the moment! No time for 3 kids!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I too had a timeline, and man am I off. I am now 28, will be married 2 months before my 29th birthday. I wanted to marry in my early twenties, and start TTC in my mid twenties. I thought this was old enough to have kids, yet I would be a young mom so I could keep up with my children.

Good thing timelines are not set in stone. Otherwise I would have married a verbally abusive alcoholic and who knows where I would be.

I got rid of a timeline. Life doesn’t always go down the path you hoped it would. There are so many woman waiting until their late twenties and well into their thirties before having babies. Thirty is still young, in my opinion anyways. 

How long have you and your husband been together for? I’m marrying my Fiance 6 months after our 5 year anniversary. We’ve also lived together for 4 of those years. I know this man better than he knows himself. Why wait to start a baby? If you want to have those few years to yourselves, wait on TTC. But if your both ready for a baby, start trying. Why wait if you don’t want to?

Post # 5
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

just go with the flow and what feels right. you can’t live your life based on a timeline. things are constantly changing in life that will affect your timeilne and you can’t control it.

If you’re ready for a baby now, go for it, if you’re not then wait. a few years aren’t going to make or break your life plan.

Post # 6
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Pink Asawa:  I hear ya! I thought I’d basically have a career, house, dog, baby all by 25… what was I on as a child? Did they put something in my Flintstone’s Vitamins? Anyway I’ll be married just after my 28th birthday, and I also want to spend a few years with my Fiance to enjoy each other’s company, go on trip, buy our first home, etc. I likely will not have kids until I’m in my early 30s. My mother had me when she was 32 and I had a great upbringing… so I’m confident that having kids between 30-35 will be no problem. It’s also helpful because she was in her “prime earning” phase of her career when I was in university, and now that she’s retired she’s been helping with wedding planning. Lots of pros to having babies in your early 30s! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Op Yep that was me. I wanted to be married by the time was 27 and start having kids at 30.  LOL That so was not realistic. I got married at 37 and had my first child also at 37. 

Just live your life the way you want, having children at a older age is nothing now days.  In fact at my GASP 20 yr hs reunion this past summer there was a ton of us who are having children for the first time. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Totally me!  I thought I’d be married by 24 and 1st baby by 26 and 2nd by 28… well my bf passed away and my life was turned upside down for years…. I just got married at 35 and will TTC this year so I’ll be 36 at the earliest when we have our first (crossing fingers)

Post # 10
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Welcome to life, where you can’t predict and plan everything that happens ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I don’t have a timeline, I will let things happen as they go.  I wouldn’t stress too much about the kid thing.  Afterall, you don’t shrivel up and die at 30 lol  Travel the world with your new hubby, redecorate, LIVE!

Post # 11
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@MrsWBS:  totally what I was going to say. 

You can’t plan your entire life ahead of time.  Circumstances will change and changes will have to be made.  Just live in the present and do what feel right at the moment.

When I was younger I had a plan.  Marry at 25, first child at 28, second at 33.  HA!  yeah not so much.  I got married at 27.  Now I’m 29 and still not really ready to have kids.  Probably won’t have my first until I’m 32 ro so.  Can’t really say that the shift in timeline has effected my life in any negative way.

Post # 12
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I am getting remarried at 29 and we aren’t planning to TTC before being married for at least a year (maybe two.)  So long as we have our first by the time I am 35, I will be happy.  It gave me time to get an education and establish my career so that I can provide a stable lifestyle for my child.  It also gave me time to travel and enjoy not having to be responsible at times.  I would have been a good mother in my early 20s but I will be a better mother in my 30s because I am a more complete person and I have a LOT more patience than I did in my early 20s.

Post # 13
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Life doesn’t go as planned.

Enjoy being married for a couple years. You still have plenty of time to have 3 kids before your risks rise that much.

Post # 14
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Pink Asawa:  wow! I am in the exact same position you are in. I had the same plan for myself. My mom had me when she was 16, way too young, but its nice to have a young parent, sometimes. lol. But I am going to be 29 this year and married in october of this year. I wanted kids before 30, but I also want to enjoy married life a couple of years. However, my biggest factor is my Fiance is almost 10 years older. So its more him that I’m worried about. So I think I’m giving us about 1 year after marriage. I also want 3 kids. 

Post # 15
Member
9691 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would just go with what feels right.  I don’t think 1 or 2 years makes a huge difference in the grand scheme of things (unless you are 40+ and the clock is seriously ticking…but you’re not).  If you have one at 28, you’ll be 48 when they’re 20.  Or if you’re 30, you’ll be 50.  48 or 50 isn’t a huge difference…

I’ve never had  a “life plan” as far as get married at X age, have kids at X age.  I have/had certain goals (college degree, get married sometime) but I never had ages attached to them.  Maybe that’s why I rarely find myself stressed out! Smile

Post # 16
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Pink Asawa:  My own mother got married at 18, had my brother at 24, and me at 30. I had always swore that I would not be ‘old’ when I had kids, but life didn’t take me that route. I’m 32, still no kids, and engaged to be married for the 2nd time next year. I sometimes hate the fact that I’m older than I wanted to be, but also glad I didn’t have kids sooner, as the situation would have been even more complicated, and no child should have to deal with that.

 

That being said, don’t worry about having kids in your 20’s if you want to spend some ‘one-on-one’ time with your SO. Some people are ok with kids right after marriage, some prefer waiting. I do know that more and more women are having kids later in life, so I don’t feel so bad any more. ๐Ÿ™‚

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