Post # 1
Not sure if anyone has had this same internal struggle…
I have always invisioned myself getting married in early 20’s, having a few years of married bliss, then start having children in mid – late 20’s. I always wanted to have children before turning thirty so I would be young enough when they grow older. (Very similar to the route my parents took, and they are so happily married and the best parents)
That didn’t quite work out and I will be 27 when we get married. Though we have been together for a very very long time, there is a whole new dynamic to our relationship since moving in together a few months ago which I really enjoy and look forward to after the distraction of planning a wedding has passed.
So now I don’t know what to think about TTC. I know for sure I want a few children, and Fiance is basically ready now (I am about to start my last pack of BC pills but still use caution at first). Part of me still would love to wait a year or two to enjoy our lives together, but then I will be 29 when my first child is born (if all goes as planned) and future children in my early thirties which is just a few years later than I have always wanted/pictured for myself.
On the other hand, I have been stalking the pregnancy/nesting boards for the last few months and the thought of having our baby really makes me happy, but, will I regret not taking enough time just the two of us before moving on to this next stage in our lives?
I know there is no right or wrong answer because everyone is different and has different wants for their lives, I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they worked through it.
Post # 3
The majority of the people I know are having their first kid in their 30s. It seems pretty common where I’m from. I’m 27 also (we just got married in October) and don’t plan on TTC for at least another year or two (he’s 30). Nowadays I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal! 🙂
edit (after reading Future_Ms.Bostonceltics post, below me): I completely agree that timelines are not set in stone! When I was younger I was sure I would’ve had 3 kids by now!! LOL! Also, I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, living together for 5 of them… but we are just really enjoying our lives as is at the moment! No time for 3 kids! 🙂
Post # 4
I too had a timeline, and man am I off. I am now 28, will be married 2 months before my 29th birthday. I wanted to marry in my early twenties, and start TTC in my mid twenties. I thought this was old enough to have kids, yet I would be a young mom so I could keep up with my children.
Good thing timelines are not set in stone. Otherwise I would have married a verbally abusive alcoholic and who knows where I would be.
I got rid of a timeline. Life doesn’t always go down the path you hoped it would. There are so many woman waiting until their late twenties and well into their thirties before having babies. Thirty is still young, in my opinion anyways.
How long have you and your husband been together for? I’m marrying my Fiance 6 months after our 5 year anniversary. We’ve also lived together for 4 of those years. I know this man better than he knows himself. Why wait to start a baby? If you want to have those few years to yourselves, wait on TTC. But if your both ready for a baby, start trying. Why wait if you don’t want to?
Post # 5
just go with the flow and what feels right. you can’t live your life based on a timeline. things are constantly changing in life that will affect your timeilne and you can’t control it.
If you’re ready for a baby now, go for it, if you’re not then wait. a few years aren’t going to make or break your life plan.
Post # 6
@Pink Asawa: I hear ya! I thought I’d basically have a career, house, dog, baby all by 25… what was I on as a child? Did they put something in my Flintstone’s Vitamins? Anyway I’ll be married just after my 28th birthday, and I also want to spend a few years with my Fiance to enjoy each other’s company, go on trip, buy our first home, etc. I likely will not have kids until I’m in my early 30s. My mother had me when she was 32 and I had a great upbringing… so I’m confident that having kids between 30-35 will be no problem. It’s also helpful because she was in her “prime earning” phase of her career when I was in university, and now that she’s retired she’s been helping with wedding planning. Lots of pros to having babies in your early 30s! 🙂
Post # 7
We have been together since before we were in our twenties, which is super long, but only living together for a few months and it has really changed our relationship (for the better of course!). We aren’t married yet but will be very soon.
I agree that thirty is not as old as I thought it was when I was 15 hahaha and having children in one’s 30’s is definitely more common these days. I think it’s just a matter of determining what urge is stronger after the wedding. Maybe like someone mentioned in a similar post on here, when my reaction to BDing without protection is not terror…. I might be ready lol
Post # 8
Op Yep that was me. I wanted to be married by the time was 27 and start having kids at 30. LOL That so was not realistic. I got married at 37 and had my first child also at 37.
Just live your life the way you want, having children at a older age is nothing now days. In fact at my GASP 20 yr hs reunion this past summer there was a ton of us who are having children for the first time.
Post # 9
Totally me! I thought I’d be married by 24 and 1st baby by 26 and 2nd by 28… well my bf passed away and my life was turned upside down for years…. I just got married at 35 and will TTC this year so I’ll be 36 at the earliest when we have our first (crossing fingers)
Post # 10
Welcome to life, where you can’t predict and plan everything that happens 🙂
I don’t have a timeline, I will let things happen as they go. I wouldn’t stress too much about the kid thing. Afterall, you don’t shrivel up and die at 30 lol Travel the world with your new hubby, redecorate, LIVE!
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: totally what I was going to say.
You can’t plan your entire life ahead of time. Circumstances will change and changes will have to be made. Just live in the present and do what feel right at the moment.
When I was younger I had a plan. Marry at 25, first child at 28, second at 33. HA! yeah not so much. I got married at 27. Now I’m 29 and still not really ready to have kids. Probably won’t have my first until I’m 32 ro so. Can’t really say that the shift in timeline has effected my life in any negative way.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I am getting remarried at 29 and we aren’t planning to TTC before being married for at least a year (maybe two.) So long as we have our first by the time I am 35, I will be happy. It gave me time to get an education and establish my career so that I can provide a stable lifestyle for my child. It also gave me time to travel and enjoy not having to be responsible at times. I would have been a good mother in my early 20s but I will be a better mother in my 30s because I am a more complete person and I have a LOT more patience than I did in my early 20s.
Post # 13
Life doesn’t go as planned.
Enjoy being married for a couple years. You still have plenty of time to have 3 kids before your risks rise that much.
Post # 14
@Pink Asawa: wow! I am in the exact same position you are in. I had the same plan for myself. My mom had me when she was 16, way too young, but its nice to have a young parent, sometimes. lol. But I am going to be 29 this year and married in october of this year. I wanted kids before 30, but I also want to enjoy married life a couple of years. However, my biggest factor is my Fiance is almost 10 years older. So its more him that I’m worried about. So I think I’m giving us about 1 year after marriage. I also want 3 kids.
Post # 15
I would just go with what feels right. I don’t think 1 or 2 years makes a huge difference in the grand scheme of things (unless you are 40+ and the clock is seriously ticking…but you’re not). If you have one at 28, you’ll be 48 when they’re 20. Or if you’re 30, you’ll be 50. 48 or 50 isn’t a huge difference…
I’ve never had a “life plan” as far as get married at X age, have kids at X age. I have/had certain goals (college degree, get married sometime) but I never had ages attached to them. Maybe that’s why I rarely find myself stressed out!
Post # 16
@Pink Asawa: My own mother got married at 18, had my brother at 24, and me at 30. I had always swore that I would not be ‘old’ when I had kids, but life didn’t take me that route. I’m 32, still no kids, and engaged to be married for the 2nd time next year. I sometimes hate the fact that I’m older than I wanted to be, but also glad I didn’t have kids sooner, as the situation would have been even more complicated, and no child should have to deal with that.
That being said, don’t worry about having kids in your 20’s if you want to spend some ‘one-on-one’ time with your SO. Some people are ok with kids right after marriage, some prefer waiting. I do know that more and more women are having kids later in life, so I don’t feel so bad any more. 🙂