Age gaps: If you married a younger (5-15 years) man, what's your experience?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

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MrsBtoBe14 :  I fall just outside of your age range (4 years between us), but I thought I might share. We are not technically married yet, but are going to be in 89 days!

We met on Tinder of all places *eyeroll*, but quickly followed it up with a lovely date at a coffee shop. I didn’t question the gap too much, but to be fair, he was way more mature in some ways than other men his age. That said, we did have some growing pains at first. There were some ways in which he *was* immature, despite being mature in other areas. We were also at different points in our life when we met. He was still in college and I had been working in my career field for 4 years. 

Our first year, we struggled. We are so similar and we were then, too. But the immaturity on his end and the abundance of experience on my end was hard. I was hurt a few different times, and had to remind myself to be loving and patient, and to let whatever the situation was being a learning experience. I am glad we went through that first year together and made it out. He has grown as a person leaps and bounds and we are now on a more even playing field both maturity and career-wise. We also grew closer together instead of further apart. I am so glad he is my partner and so in love with him. <3

Post # 3
Member
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband is 6 years younger than me. I will be 42 next month and he is 35. We met because my co worker had a gathering at her house and invited both of us. He had gone to highschool with my co worker. We have been together 11 years, married for 8. Most of the time we have no issues other than we have pretty different pop culture memories/preferences. (I saw E.T. In theaters when he wasn’t even born yet). But those aren’t really things you base a relationship on- you know? The only time our age was ever an “issue” was when deciding to have children- me being the woman and older, I had a lot more pressure than he did being male and not having to be the one to get pregnant and carry a child. No one ever told us it wasn’t going to work, so I can’t speak to that portion of your question.

Post # 4
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I once dated a younger man against my own better judegment. Not a fan. I think men already mature slower than women, so dating younger is likely to be frustrating. Now there are always exceptions to this but I think it generally holds true

Post # 5
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - City, State

My husband is 4.5 years younger than me (so just outside your range). We met at a church singles dance and we really hit it off. When we found out the age difference (he was 24 and I was 29 at the time), we were both taken back a bit, but we moved ahead anyway.

Mostly the age difference hasn’t been a big deal for us. I don’t feel like there is a maturity gap really, just sometimes a life experience gap. Fortunately we were both on the same page with getting married, but sometimes we haven’t been on the same page with other life changes. For example when we first got married, I was five years into my career and I’d been saving up for a home all of that time. I couldn’t wait to get our own house and stop paying rent. But he was only a few months into his first job after grad school. He was still very much in starving student mode, and even though he liked the idea of our own house, he couldn’t fathom the idea of spending so much money/taking on a mortgage. It took him close to a year to come around. I just had to be patient with him.

Even though it’s not a huge age gap, I feel like he keeps me young. 🙂 We go out and do fun things that I probably wouldn’t do on my own anymore, but that he still loves because he’s 26. 

Post # 6
Hostess
4216 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m 4 years and 2 months older than my husband, I’m 37 and he is 33. We have been together 4 years, married for 2. We met on Tinder.  We really never notice the age difference. Except for when we think about the fact that he was in 9th grade when my daughter was born. And the music that was popular when we were in HS. For the most part he seems older, he was just born a cranky old man. We won’t be having kids together, so my age is not an issue. He is absolutely my person, so our ages are irrelevant. Maybe it’s because our age gap is relatively small, no one has ever told us “it’s mever going to work” it’s been more like since I met his friends on our second date everyone saying “yep, you guys have definitely met your match”. 

Post # 7
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I didn’t marry a younger man, but since men generally die younger, you will hopefully not outlive your male partner for too long! 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

My Darling Husband is 6 years younger than me, and it’s never really been an issue.  He is less established in his career than I was, but it was ultimately a good thing.  It gave him more flexibility. He had less emotional baggage than other men I dated (who were all older.) I’ve also found me being older often tips the power dynamic more in my favor.  He would never ask me to give up my career for him, and listens more to my opinions on travel, finances ect than the older men I’ve dated.  He also has a much higher sex drive, which is nice.  I never really notice he is younger.

The only thing I find irritating is I often get referred to as a cougar or a cradle robber.  I find this irritating and inherently sexist as, when I was the younger partner, no one ever said anything like that to the guys I was dating.  I had several boyfriends who were 5-10 years older than me before I dated my now hubby.

Edited to add that he was 24 and I was 30 when we met at a meetup group.  There really are no downsides.  We are planning to have kids when I’m 36 or so, and both of us are ok with that timeframe. 

Post # 9
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I met my husband 8 years ago, we were friends for a year and then started “dating” I’m 48 and he’s 40.

Id already had kids and marriage before, he can not have kids of his own. If he had been able to may have had some issues as I now cant have them either. We now have 2 grandchildren and he would take a bullet for them and they think he’s the best thing in the world! the upside is we’re both young grandparents and have the energy to play with them.

We dont have issues that are any different to any other married couple. Age should not be a consideration in any relationship in my opinion. I have never had more fun with anyone. he’s my lobster! 

Post # 10
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I am also just outside your range. 4 years to 4.5 years older. I would say my experience is excellent. I have known my husband since he was 18 and I was 22. Now keep in mind I had no idea of his age. We met in an MMO and dating or deep conversations were just not part of that. I did develop an itty bitty crush but never said anything about it. But we didn’t really start hanging out in depth until he returned to the game after  a few years break. Then we did start getting much closer and eventually we realised he was stationed where I used to live and since my family is still there we decided to meet up and see what we thought of each other in person since we liked each other so well online. During this time we did find out I was older but decided it shouldn’t really matter. This took even longer to actually come to fruition because vacations are money lol. But once we did meet I basically never left again except to return home every other month. I don’t regret it at all. I think my husband is wonderful and feel lucky to have met him and that he loves me and I love him. 

As far as kids  it’s unlikely to be an issue for us. We have already had our first. I was 29 when she was born and turned 30 several months after and he was 25.  If we have one more it will be okay because at least one of us will be more active lmao. I tend to be cranky curmudgeon but he is wonderful with her. Very energetic.

For me there really have been no downsides either. I would absolutely do it again. 100 percent.

Post # 11
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

My husband is 17 years younger than me. I am 44 and he is 27. We met in June 2016 online and met in person first time September 2016. We did the long distance thing awhile, got married in November 2017 and are happily living together (finally!).  Everyone says I don’t look 44 (I’m not sure what that means?). He got some teasing from his friends when we first started dating but once they saw how happy we were together there have been no issues. 

Post # 12
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

My supervisor at work is 11 years younger than his wife. They got together when he was 19. From what he’s told me the only issues were people not taking them seriously in the beginning and some jealousy on her part in the past. They’re great together and make each other happy. That’s all that matters. 

Post # 13
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

One of my close friends is married to a woman who is 12 years older than him (he is 36 and she is 48).  The are one of the happiest couples we know, and have been together over a decade and still act like newlyweds.  The only issues they have talked about are coming to the decision not to have kids.

Post # 14
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My husband is 8 years younger than me. (I’m 43 and he’s 35) We met when a mutual friend brought him to a party.  We were friends for about a year and a half before we started dating and were also very long distance for two years.  There haven’t been any cons, at least for me.  Neither of us want kids and we both have the same goals for the future.   We love just spending time together and are each other’s best friends.  

Post # 15
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

When I was freshly 25 I dated a freshly 18 year old for ~1 year. I ended up being his mom on the regular and then had to break up with him 3 different times. Since the first and second time didn’t seem to get across. Obviously his first relationship. Blegh what was my issue?

Never looked back and lived happily ever after with my now fiance who is a year older than me. 

So in other words it did not work out for me. But I think if say I were 35 and started dating a 28 year old man… might be a lot easier. But even then I think 28 year old men are still immature (atleast in my town).

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