Post # 1
I guess this is MORE for me to vent but advice would be nice too. I cant talk to my mom because it would be a reason for her to say “You should postpone the wedding if your having second thoughts”. So here goes……
Lately my man has just gotten so….STUPID for lack of a better word. It doesnt seem like he thinks at all. For a few examples he forgot where he parked the car yesterday after he had just parked there 10 minutes prior, his excuse was that he had parked in the back all day and forgot he left and came back…weeeelll, why cant you just think for two seconds and then remember that you had reparked? Or today when we were driving its common sense that we came in one direction you would go out the same direction…he had to sit there for a little while and think about this then WENT THE WRONG DIRECTION. USE YOUR BRAIN! And he trips over everything! After I constantly tell him to just look down and watch where he is walking. I mean it gets embarrassing every time he trips in front of all these people a million times. He just can never use his brain on things. Hes SOO smart when it comes to his job and then when he comes home he cant even remember things I tell him. Is this just a guy thing? am I thinking to critically? We fight about the same things over and over and over again…I tell him just use your brain and dont do it again…and then what do you know…he does it again a day later. He doesnt retain anything. He dropped me off and a meeting the other day and then when I got back he was like “where did you go? I couldnt find you?” Ummm I told you I was going to a meeting and I would meet you later. Then I tell him these things are just common sense we have these talks all the time then it turns into arguments and then it turns into fights and then he says he will try harder and think more and then he doesn’t the same thing again! I swear hes losing his mind or maybe like I said earlier its just goes along with hes a guy. Im afraid its going to come down to the wedding and he will forget everything! Where he needs to be and what time he needs to do things. Its also coming to the point where I feel less attracted to him. Dont get me wrong, I love him I just think for some reason hes getting to comfortable and not caring anymore. Ughhh…sorry just needed to vent! It doesnt seem that bad when I write it down on here but its just so consistent, I told him we should maybe concider going to the doctor and checking him out..maybe somethings wrong…but he doesnt want too.
Or maybe Im just having cold feet on this wedding and making everything he does a big deal…I see alot of bees on here talking about “I cant live without my man” or “hes the best thing thats ever happened to me” I mean dont get me wrong I probably cant live without my man either…but am I making the right choice…Ive only dated 2 people…maybe hes not the right one…I feel he is and then he does certain things and I reask myself “Are you sure hes the one?” “Is this what you want to live your whole life with”
Post # 3
I think you’re being really harsh. You’re mad at him for tripping and being forgetful? How is this at all a reflection of how much he CARES about anything? What do you want advice on exactly? If he wasn’t like this before, I’d be worried that something was going on with his health.
Post # 4
It sounds like he’s just absent minded. I would guess that this is not even a new trait, it’s just that now you’re noticing it more and thinking, “Can I deal with this for the rest of my life?” So, can you? If you say you can, you need to cut him some slack and accept who he is.
Post # 5
Cut him some slack, would be my advice.
Post # 6
I think you’re being too harsh on him! Give the poor guy a break. There must be a reason why he’s like this. Is he more stressed at work? Or has more responsibilities? Is he sleeping less? Does he have a lot on his mind? It sounds like there’s something underlying the situation. Instead of being mad at him and arguing with him over it, try to figure out why it’s happening.
Post # 8
I don’t think this is just a man thing. I think its a reaction to stress. Is he getting enough sleep? How’s work going? Is the wedding approaching and he is under more pressure? How’s his diet and exercize? If its a significant change you may want to see a doctor to ask about it.
Personally I get the same way when I am stressed or tired.
Post # 9
@futuremrsk18: <— this exactly.
There could be a serious problem here that you are complaining about. If this is sudden and there are no other causes like a head injury I would ask him to see a doctor.
If he is tripping and being forgetful it could be a serious underlying problem. Myalgic encephalomyelitis and dementia are two possible serious conditions that have symptoms like this.
Post # 10
I think you should encourage him to see a doctor. This could be a medical condition that he needs to have checked out. Not to scare you but, what if it is an early onset of Alzheimer’s? If he won’t go then talk to his parents or siblings about it. Maybe they can get him to go.
Post # 11
Maybe your constant criticism is making him nervous?
Everyone suffers from being absent minded at times. If he keeps tripping over you may have to encourage him to go visit his GP for a check up.
Post # 12
I am your Fiance.
I trip over NOTHING. There is nothing on the ground, it is flat and I trip. I forget things all the time, whole conversations fly out of my head.
My SO has the same conversations with me and I say that I will try harder because I do want to remember things. But the things just vanish out of my head! Just – poof!
My SO on the other hand, he forgets things about me (when my classes are ending, I tell him about my plans for the weekend three times and then he’ll ask what I’m doing on Saturday) when he is busy. If he’s got a lot on at work and lots of things due at uni plus other things going on, then he’s going to forget. If things are more laid back (uni holidays and such) then he’s a lot better at remembering all of a sudden.
Post # 13
You have described me. I actually FORGOT MY CAR at my Fi’s house once. I had parked there and then went out with him and he took me home and it was THREE days later when I went to go to school and I was all “Dude. where is my car?” true story.
I also have a have a theory that gravity plots against me. I trip over air poofs.
I am absent minded but not stupid, and its not something that I can actually help either. I write just about everything down or I will forget about it.
My parents used to tell me to ” think” and ‘ use my brain”, and if I could have i would have. I had an ex tell me the same and call me stupid because i would forget things. I came to resent him pretty badly for that.
Post # 14
If he was not always like this it could be something medical or perhaps he’s under a lot of stress?
Post # 15
Harsh might not even be the proper word for this. You need to have some patience and possibly encourage him to see a doctor just to rule out any medical issues with forgetfulness. My fiance was in a horrific car accident a year before we met and because of this has partial brain damage. You would NEVER know this unless you spent as much time with him as myself or his close friends/family. But he can be very forgetful, absent- minded and constantly makes lists so he can remember things. I know how hard he tries and I’m supportive of him.
My two cents on your situation is, A) he should rule out medical issues but he might just be a more forgetful person, B) work/life/you’re stressing him out by constantly telling him to “use his brain” or C) there is a bigger reason for it…being that it’s YOU that has the problem with it and has to learn to live with it or walk away. Have you spoken to his family or friends about his forgetfulness? Maybe you should try that first.
Also….I really really really hope you have never called him stupid to his face.
Post # 16
I would agree with PPs, cut him some slack!
I know it’s a different situation but I have a disorder that causes severe brain fog, and then I’m on an anti-convulsant that ALSO causes brainfog! I’m doubley cursed! I’d forget my own head if it weren’t attached. I’m an intelligent person, but I’m ALWAYS forgetting things, where I’m going, what I’m doing, etc etc. I ask people the same questions a million times. I realize it’s frustrating for everyone else but imagine how it feels for me! And if my husband told me to “use my brain” every time I forgot something? Well…he’d be sleeping on the couch until he used HIS brain and got a better attitude. You’re making your husband feel like crap about something he can’t help.
I agree with @jlc3: and a couple other PPs that said to rule out medical issues. Does he take any meds? Certain pills can also cause brain fog. If not, it could be stress, or maybe this is just the way he is and for whatever reason you never noticed it before. Either way it’s not a reason to get super frustrated and treat him poorly.