(Closed) Aggravation At My Man(Vent)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
    Your right, hes not thinking. : (0 votes)
    Your being to harsh on him : (50 votes)
    94 %
    Its just a faze, hes just being a man : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Other(state below) : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think you’re being really harsh. You’re mad at him for tripping and being forgetful? How is this at all a reflection of how much he CARES about anything? What do you want advice on exactly? If he wasn’t like this before, I’d be worried that something was going on with his health.

    Post # 4
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It sounds like he’s just absent minded. I would guess that this is not even a new trait, it’s just that now you’re noticing it more and thinking, “Can I deal with this for the rest of my life?” So, can you? If you say you can, you need to cut him some slack and accept who he is. 

    Post # 5
    2577 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Cut him some slack, would be my advice.


    Post # 6
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think you’re being too harsh on him!  Give the poor guy a break.  There must be a reason why he’s like this.  Is he more stressed at work?  Or has more responsibilities?  Is he sleeping less?  Does he have a lot on his mind?  It sounds like there’s something underlying the situation.  Instead of being mad at him and arguing with him over it, try to figure out why it’s happening. 

    Post # 8
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think this is just a man thing. I think its a reaction to stress. Is he getting enough sleep? How’s work going? Is the wedding approaching and he is under more pressure? How’s his diet and exercize? If its a significant change you may want to see a doctor to ask about it.

    Personally I get the same way when I am stressed or tired.

    Post # 9
    8359 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @futuremrsk18:  <— this exactly.

    There could be a serious problem here that you are complaining about. If this is sudden and there are no other causes like a head injury I would ask him to see a doctor.

    If he is tripping and being forgetful it could be a serious underlying problem. Myalgic encephalomyelitis and dementia are two possible serious conditions that have symptoms like this.

    Post # 10
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think you should encourage him to see a doctor. This could be a medical condition that he needs to have checked out. Not to scare you but, what if it is an early onset of Alzheimer’s? If he won’t go then talk to his parents or siblings about it. Maybe they can get him to go.

    Post # 11
    623 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Maybe your constant criticism is making him nervous?

    Everyone suffers from being absent minded at times. If he keeps tripping over you may have to encourage him to go visit his GP for a check up.

    Post # 12
    3639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I am your Fiance.

    I trip over NOTHING. There is nothing on the ground, it is flat and I trip. I forget things all the time, whole conversations fly out of my head. 

    My SO has the same conversations with me and I say that I will try harder because I do want to remember things. But the things just vanish out of my head! Just – poof!

    My SO on the other hand, he forgets things about me (when my classes are ending, I tell him about my plans for the weekend three times and then he’ll ask what I’m doing on Saturday) when he is busy. If he’s got a lot on at work and lots of things due at uni plus other things going on, then he’s going to forget. If things are more laid back (uni holidays and such) then he’s a lot better at remembering all of a sudden.

    Post # 13
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    You have described me. I  actually FORGOT MY CAR at my Fi’s house once. I had parked there and then went out with him and he took me home and it was THREE days later when I went to go to school and I was all “Dude. where is my car?” true story.

    I also have a have a theory that gravity plots against me. I trip over air poofs.

    I am absent minded but not stupid, and its not something that I can actually help either. I write just about everything down or I will forget about it.

    My parents used to tell me to ” think” and ‘ use my brain”, and if I could have i would have.  I had an ex tell me the same and call me stupid because i would forget things. I came to resent him pretty badly for that.


    Post # 14
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    If he was not always like this it could be something medical or perhaps he’s under a lot of stress? 

    Post # 15
    1274 posts
    Bumble bee

    Harsh might not even be the proper word for this. You need to have some patience and possibly encourage him to see a doctor just to rule out any medical issues with forgetfulness. My fiance was in a horrific car accident a year before we met and because of this has partial brain damage. You would NEVER know this unless you spent as much time with him as myself or his close friends/family. But he can be very forgetful, absent- minded and constantly makes lists so he can remember things. I know how hard he tries and I’m supportive of him.

    My two cents on your situation is, A) he should rule out medical issues but he might just be a more forgetful person, B) work/life/you’re stressing him out by constantly telling him to “use his brain” or C) there is a bigger reason for it…being that it’s YOU that has the problem with it and has to learn to live with it or walk away. Have you spoken to his family or friends about his forgetfulness? Maybe you should try that first.

    Also….I really really really hope you have never called him stupid to his face.

    Post # 16
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would agree with PPs, cut him some slack!

    I know it’s a different situation but I have a disorder that causes severe brain fog, and then I’m on an anti-convulsant that ALSO causes brainfog! I’m doubley cursed! I’d forget my own head if it weren’t attached. I’m an intelligent person, but I’m ALWAYS forgetting things, where I’m going, what I’m doing, etc etc. I ask people the same questions a million times. I realize it’s frustrating for everyone else but imagine how it feels for me! And if my husband told me to “use my brain” every time I forgot something? Well…he’d be sleeping on the couch until he used HIS brain and got a better attitude. You’re making your husband feel like crap about something he can’t help. 

    I agree with @jlc3: and a couple other PPs that said to rule out medical issues. Does he take any meds? Certain pills can also cause brain fog. If not, it could be stress, or maybe this is just the way he is and for whatever reason you never noticed it before. Either way it’s not a reason to get super frustrated and treat him poorly. 

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