When I first got my puppy, she wasn’t aggressive, but she would do that nipping thing that dogs sometimes do. We wanted to teach her not to bite, not to bark, etc.
We took her to petsmart (I think your dog is way past this.. but hear me out) and at first the both of us went together and would take turns practicing to train her.
In the very beginning, it was as if Fiance dominated her right away and puppy knew her place, but still thought she would dominate me. She would do things like put her head over my face/head when we snuggled and not ignore my commands.
After about 2 weeks of the training (6 weeks total), Fiance couldn’t attend the classes anymore and I went myself with her. You won’t believe the difference in our bond. Once I started caring for her, teaching her tricks, feeding her, taking her out, etc. – she was completely different towards me.
I think your dog is likely too old for this, but I “dominated” her, too – the way dogs do to each other. I got on all 4s, then I pinned her head down and kept it down til she gave up struggling. I wasn’t hurting her or anything – that sounds awful, but I was literally playing with her, then when she went down on her side for a sec, I put my hand on her head so she couldn’t get up. She tried to move her head for a sec, the gave up. It wasn’t mean or anything, but sometimes you have to physically dominate dogs to get them to learn who’s the boss.
I think it’s pretty clear from your post – the dog is your DH’s and not yours. You’re not invested in the dog, you don’t really like the dog very much (you might care because he’s a living, breathing animal, but it’s clear that this isn’t the dog you’d pick out and you’d get rid of him in a second if your husband wouldn’t resent you for it, so you can’t like the dog very much), he’s not YOUR dog. And that’s the problem.
I would try the training again. This time, don’t send him away – go with him to classes and take the lead role in trainer. Show him who the boss is.
I don’t think getting rid of him is an option. You’re right, your Darling Husband will likely resent you for it, never forgive himself, possibly never forgive you, etc.
I think that there’s a lot going on right now that is stressful in your life – being the sole breadwinner, moving to another city, being away from family/friends, working a job you don’t really love, etc. And you’re looking for the 1 thing you can get rid of easily to make it slightly less stressful, and that’s the dog. What else is there? Nothing. You can’t easily move back, you can’t just quit your job, etc. I understand, because I’ve done similar things when I’ve been stressed and would try the easiest thing to get rid of. But, it’s possible you can find a solution.