(Closed) aggressive dog causing marital discord :(

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: what should be done with the dog?

    you're justified being upset at your husband's reaction

    you should not be upset with your husband's reaction

    the dog should be put down

    the dog should be re-homed

    the dog should stay with you guys

  • Post # 47
    Member
    6739 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @ferdie224:  I say give him a chance with another trainer that works with you, too. Maybe after that, worry about what to do when you have kids when you decide to have kids and actually get pregnant. Perhaps crate training him when kids are home would be an option.

    Post # 48
    Member
    6739 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I asked my Fiance and he said that he thinks you’re overreacting and seems like you have some underlying resentment towards your husband and his love for the dog.

    I hope you don’t find any of my posts insulting. I totally feel conflicted. He did bite you. But I feel like his aggression deserves an attempt to be fixed since it’s fairly new.

    And I didn’t mean to imply that you would quickly get rid of a pet, but just going by your post and poll options, it just seems like you want a bunch of people to back you up in telling your husband to get rid of it. I just don’t think you’d get that on the bee. Sorry. 

    Sometimes what someone needs is to be told that they are over reacting or in the wrong. I know I’ve been told that before here and it’s helped either with a fight with a friend or Fiance or whatever. 

    I take hope you find a solution that makes everyone happy.

    Post # 49
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @BeachBride2014:  I adore dogs. I have owned dogs my entire life. And I think it’s REALLY unfair to judge OP for her dislike of this dog.

    Her husband is the person to blame here: he clearly failed to train and socialize his dog. It should NOT have been an effort undertaken only after the dog bit his wife. I think most dog lovers will agree that a responsible owner does not commit to adopting a dog without also committing to socialize and train him — especially if the dog is going to eventually outweigh a good many humans.

    View original reply
    @ferdie224:  Please stop feeling guilty. There is no need for guilt. The dog has bitten you. The dog, which weighs 125 lbs, continues to behave aggressively toward you. You are RIGHT to feel unsafe. Remember, I say this as a dog lover and a dog owner. I also say this as someone who remembers what happened to Diane Whipple.

    I agree with those who suggest the dog might be acting out due to advanced age. Please, please, have your DH take the dog to the vet again. I also think that you should have NO GUILT in demanding the dog be removed from your house. Once the dog bit you, a line was crossed. The dog required serious and ongoing rehabilitation from that moment onward.

    If the dog cannot be rehomed — and I suspect that will be the case, because rehoming aggressive, aged animals is very difficult — then putting him down might be the only solution. Your husband will mourn for a while. Perhaps the bitterness of his grief will teach him not to adopt an animal unless he means to train and socialize it properly.

    Post # 50
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    You shouldn’t feel bad that you’re afraid of the dog. We had the sweetest, kindest dog when I was growing up, but she hurt me once (enough for scars but not an ER visit) and I never got over it. It happens, and that you allowed it back into your house was very forgiving. If any animal ever bites me hard enough to warrant an ER visit, it will be dead. Period. So in my book, it seems like you’ve already given it enough of a chance.

    I agree with the PPs who are saying that it sounds like the dog may be possesive of your husband. Does it tend to snap at kids/other dogs more when your husband is around? This is something that can be corrected with training, and would defintely need to be dealt with before you have children.

    I DON’T agree with PPs who say that you can’t rehome an agressive dog. If for the most part he seems to not like kids and other dogs, you can rehome him with a CBC family or empty nesters. Lots of people will adopt dogs that are billed as “not for familes with children/other pets”.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @SparkleBee11:  definitely talk to your husband. if he wants to become a dad, any time in the near future that the issues with this dog needs to be resolved. Theres no safe way to have that guy in your house with an infant or even just with you. There are no true clear cut answers. I hope your hubby comes to the realization that his dog is becoming a huge issue in your marriage and family. Sending lots of empathy. I hope the choice comes your way.

    Post # 52
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Get rid of the dog. Honestly at this point the dog is ill behaved and is NOT worth putting your safety at risk. Why put of the inevitable if you plan to have children anyways? 

    Post # 53
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @calendula:  I definitely didn’t mean to sound like I was judging.  My point was that no one here can realy help as we don’t know any of the details surrounding the dog.  Maybe it’s someone’s fault.  Maybe it’s no one’s fault.  She needs professional advice, not advice on a forum. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @ferdie224:  Please reread my comment.  I think multiple people didn’t read past the first paragraph  It’s not blaming you.  The second paragraph backtracks.  I’m saying that at this point, you need a professional opinion since none of us really know what’s going on.  We can only speculate.

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    3027 posts
    Sugar bee

    You need to get rid of the dog. 

     

    Your husband has offered this as an option but you have said no.  I think that you now need to say yes.

     

    You have tried to change the dog’s behaviour but it is unpredictable and aggressive towards you.  It is aggressive outside and growls at children and other dogs. 

     

    It may be jealous of you or it may just be a dog that is becoming meaner in its old age.  It’s so big that it could cause an awful lot of damage if it did attack anyone.  It is not obedient and so if it did start something it would be very difficult to stop.  (And seriously, any large and powerful dog needs to be obedience trained within an inch of its life.)

     

    You can’t have a dog that makes you live in fear in your own home.

    The relationship between you and your husband is of more importance than the relationship between him and his dog.  You may feel guilty but really it is the right thing to do.

     

    Get rid of the dog.

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @ferdie224:  Your situation sucks. I think your husband probably feels stuck between making you happy and being committed to taking care of his dog. It’s a hard situation because I really do believe that you should take care of a pet for its full life unless there’s some extremely good reason not to – i.e. it is aggressive. So if my Fiance had a dog and it bit me I’d be upset as well. This is gonna sound mean but – don’t worry about it attacking your future children because bloodhounds have a pretty short lifespan. He’ll probably pass away before you have kids unless you mean you’re having them like right now.

    Post # 57
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @calendula:  I wouldn’t compare the dogs that killed Diane Whipple to a bloodhound that bit someone once. The dogs that killed Whipple were owned by someone who was involved in dog fighting, and then owned by a new couple where one allegedly trained the male dog as an attack dog. Kind of a different scenario.

    Post # 58
    Member
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @ferdie224:  I haven’t read through all of the comments, but I have been in yhour EXACT situation.  Well, my husband actually has 🙂  When we met, I had a 5 year old dog. She’s my little girl, but oh boy did I do some bad things when raising her.  She growled when people would walk by her food dish, she’d growl in her bed, she’d growl around me.  Now, I was young at the time and didn’t realize that letting this behavior go on was really detrimental to her.  So, fast forward to my husband (then boyfriend) moving in with me and having my dog act really growly and aggressive towards him.  Thankfully, my husband was very undertanding, until the dog bit him.  

    It sounds like your husband has been doing the same things.  It is NOT OK for dogs to be possessive of objects or people.  I know it sounds silly, but the way that we fixed the problem was with Cesar Milan!  That guy is a genious I’ll tell you.  I bought his book because I realized that I needed her behavior to improve or it was going to become a wedge in our relationship.  I highly encourage both you and your husband to read it.  Trust me, this dog is trainable, but it has to start with you husband.  Actually, it’s less dog training and more human training.  I was totally skeptical, but I can tell you that the improvement in behavior was like night and day.  Cesar’s book taught me how to correct all of her bad behavior as well as mine.  I had to start exercising her more and allowing her to do breed specific activities.  Since your dog is a bloodhound, he might not be getting enough ‘hunting’ play time.  It took a few months to really see an improvement and consistency is key.  I still have to correct her as she still does get possessive, but now instead of a tug of war with a growling dog, I go up to her with all my calm-assertive energy and she drops her toy and walks away.

    Now, when we get home, it’s my husband that my dog loves!  She adores him.  I understand how hard this must be for you.  Especially, since he’s such a big dog, but it can get better!  You and your husband need to be on the same page and equally need to be working on the training.  

     

     

    Post # 59
    Member
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @ferdie224:  As a child we had a dog who would attack us. My brother had to get stitches multiple times – I never needed stitches but was bitten quite badly a few times. Having an aggressive animal around is terrifying and I understand that. My mother actually refused to get rid of the dog and it continued to attack us until its death a few years ago. I am still afraid of dogs and slightly resent my mother for allowing this to happen consistently. I think the dog HAS to go. I thought I would share my own story because for me, I understand this situation intimately and I want yours to have a better outcome. The love for my brother and I did not trump the animal, somehow, and it should have.

    ETA: Out dog was a purebred Golden Retriever. INCREDIBLY unusual for this breed to be aggressive.

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would find a good trainer in your area, who will work with you and your husband and the dog in your home. I think sending the dog away probably did more damage than good and I find it hard to believe this was even a respectable training facility if they said “your dog is untrainable”.

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    1341 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @megz06:  My question for you regarding this is you KNEW DH had this dog, right? You knew you’d have to live with it.


    THIS.

    The topic ‘aggressive dog causing marital discord :(’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors