(Closed) Aggrevated – FBIL getting engaged at the same time

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
671 posts
Busy bee

I can understand your feelings (being engaged is pretty special!) but I think you’ve gotten 2 months to bask in your glow, and it sounds like it’s been great, so you don’t need to begrudge your Future Brother-In-Law and his girlfriend their time for the same. I assume you have already spent time with the family discussing the wedding as you say you see them a lot, so surely sharing the engagement spotlight over Thanksgiving wouldn’t be terrible? I think it could actually be quite fun!

Post # 4
5280 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) first off welcome to the hive dax!  it’s a great place to vent, celebrate and everything in between.  secondly, the dynamics of the relationship could be changing.  his girlfriend may have really put the heat (so to speak) on him after your engagement or it could have jump started his heart.  i don’t think his engagement will take anything away from your upcoming wedding or thanksgiving, you’ll just forever be able to celebrate with your fsil and you-all will be able to joke and hang out and perhaps even work out deals with vendors because you’d both be able to book with them (lol this may not even be logical or work, but hey it could happen)…

Post # 5
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

meh – youve had 2 months already to “basking in the glow of being a newly engaged woman”  and if i was the other bride to be i wouldnt be happy to have to wait any longer than i had to

remember, you get a day not a season or a year but a day so try to be patient towards the other couple because the bride in this couple has the right to feel good about her engagment also

goodluck and congrats!


Post # 6
3856 posts
Honey bee

I have to agree with eloping – two months is already a long time that you’ve had to enjoy! Now it’s time to embrace your Future Sister-In-Law and let the joy and fun multiply. You get someone to bounce ideas off of, share things with, and laugh through the stress of planning with ~ focus on the good parts, and let go of the negative vibes.

Post # 7
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This happened to me…Future Brother-In-Law got engaged shortly after me and Fiance.  They planned their wedding three months after ours.  I really don’t see his as a problem and pp’s are right…you’ve already had two months to “bask” in being engaged and your wedding day is one day, not month, year, season, whatever.

Post # 8
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You guys have had 2 months already….i think it’s ok that they’re allowed to get engaged now. Maybe this will help your Future Sister-In-Law and you bond!

Post # 9
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agre with everyone else that you have had 2 months already.  It might be easier for you if there is someone else planning a wedding that you can bump ideas off of.  You two probably won’t pick weddings near eachother since everyone has different ideas about seasons and things like that.  Just be happy with what you’ve got!  You two can still enjoy being engaged even if they are engaged too, that doesn’t affect your happiness.

Post # 10
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just be happy for them. 2 months is a reasonable time between engagements. You know the happiness and excitement of getting engaged, so be happy and excited for them! I’m sure they are not trying to steal your thunder. Besides, remember how painful it is waiting for that ring? I’m sure your Future Sister-In-Law has been waiting for her turn too. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Be excited that there is so much love around you. Plus, when families get bigger, it is always so exciting. You guys will probably end up having kids around the same time too now which is exciting as well! I’m sure the future cousins will be great friends! So start your relationship with your Future Brother-In-Law and his soon to be fiance out on the right foot. Go buy them a congratulatory card, and don’t spend one more second feeling bad about this. Believe me, you will feel better when you look on the bright side.

Post # 11
1009 posts
Bumble bee

Like the other posters have said, you’ve been engaged 2 months (and you will have been engaged 3 months by the time Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law get engaged).  

I think it would be great to have someone to talk wedding to all the time.  And since you both are marrying into the same family, y’all can talk about family issues (assuming there are issues).  

Post # 12
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with posters that 2 months is enough time and they should enjoy their engagement, but I also understand how you feel.  Knowing that our feelings are a little irrational doesn’t mean they aren’t powerful!!  Maybe it would make you feel better if you stepped up the contact with your family, where you’re the only bride.  Friends can help too! 

One of my best friends got engaged last year after 4 years of living with her boyfriend (now husband).  She had been waiting for the engagement for so long, was soooo excited and happy!  When they called his parents to spread the happy news, his Mom answered with, “Guess what?!! Your brother got engaged!!”  She was crushed — her future brother in law had been with his girlfriend for less than a year and stole her thunder!! hahah she got over it but it was funny.

These things happen and complicated feelings are involved.  Don’t beat yourself up for having these feelings, but try to let them go. 

Post # 13
6584 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

This could be a great time to get closer with your Future Sister-In-Law.  Enjoy it.

Post # 14
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with everyone else on the 2 months being long enough….one word of advice, you may want to hurry up and set the date! lol  If him proposing not long after you got engaged annoyed you, think of how annoying it’s going to be if you have to start haggling over dates with your future SIL.  If you set yours now and it becomes an issue, atleast you can say, “Hey, I set my date before you were even engaged.”  Yeah, it sounds a little catty, but if you don’t set your date now and then wait until they’re engaged, it’s going to be fair game for either one of you.

Post # 16
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with JsDragonfly – you need to set a date NOW if you haven’t already. Or at the very least pick a month. There are so many posts on WB about family picking wedding dates right around theirs and it’s not a good scenario. You got engaged first so you get your pick of dates first. Catty, maybe – but practical, hell yeah!

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