(Closed) Agnostic vs Christian

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I am not at all religious, but from my point of view, your religious beliefs are part of who you are. It isn’t fair of you to expect him to change. To plan a future with somebody you have to be willing to accept and love them just as they are. Don’t plan a future with someone who isn’t right for you in the hopes that one day he will change his attitude. It is not fair to you and it is not at all fair to him.

Post # 4
Member
8441 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@LadyEvar:  I agree with you.

Also if you get married with the view that he will eventually convert what are you going to do if a year, two, three years into the marriage and children and he still does not want to convert?

Post # 5
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yeah, I agree with the above posters. I think you need to figure out how you would feel if he never converted. Your answer to that would lead you down the right path.

Post # 7
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agree with the PPs. If your SO has been clear that he is not ever going to convert and don’t expect him too you need to accept that. I don’t think it would be healthy to “live in hope” of a conversion, he believes what he believes just as strongly as you do. How would you feel if the tables were turned here and he wanted you to stop going to church? If he called you “Christian or something”, and called into question the strength of your belief because he knew  a few people who stopped going to church later? 

Post # 8
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Could you accept him if he didn’t convert? I am catholic but my Fiance is not (he’s another branch of Christianity) and we talked about it beforehand. We are going to raise our children catholic and he will come to church with us, but if he never chooses to convert, then whatever. As long as our children were going to be baptized and raised catholic, I was fine with it. 

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@batwoman:  I agree. You need to respect his non-religion just like you respect other Christians. Those are his beliefs; will that be ok for the rest of your lives? 

Post # 10
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You can’t live in hope that he’s going to convert, that’s really unfair to him. He hasn’t done anything wrong so it’s not healthy for you to want him to change. I don’t really agree that it’s “normal”. Some people change, but it doesn’t sound like he will, and that should be fine with the person he loves. If it’s NOT, then reevaluate your relationship.

Post # 11
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you do get married, are you going to have a church wedding? I’m guessing that you would want it at your church and with Christian traditions. Are you going accept that he might not want any of it? or that if he says vows before God, that it will be a lie? I think  you will come into a few things like this in your life that you will have to think about and might not agree on. Can you live with it? If so, then go for it but don’t think because your sister got “lucky” that you will too….Just be careful. 

Post # 13
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Its really good that you guys are so open and talking about it… Smile I wish you both the best

Post # 14
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

I am agnostic and there is a good reason for that. I WANT to believe there is something more than just atoms- but I just can’t do it. I’m envious of people who have faith because it seems so wonderful but I just cannot believe – I can’t do it.

I was talking about this the other day actually- (I’ve been watching a few science and universe tv shows so its come up in conversation) there is no doubt in my mind  that there is life on other planets. There may be no proof, but my logic and reason makes me believe this without the need for proof. This belief of mine MUST be the same as faith in a God.

But no matter how much I want to, I cannot feel the same way about a God and it’s because of this that I know no matter how much i would like to believe, I could never do it.

Post # 15
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the OP’s that you have to decide what to do on the fact that he does not want to convert and if he never does how will that affect your future marriage?  I am a Christain, my faith is very important to me and I have been in previous relationships were we didn’t really have the same faith or view on God so I understand how you feel. And honestly, I always ended up feeling kinda empty or alone because when your faith is such a huge part of who you are and how you live your life you are going to want to share that with the most important person in your life.  To me it was important that I married someone who viewed a  marriage like I did and who would pray for me/with me and would raise our kids with the same beliefs.  (thankfully I met and married a man like that)  So you have to really picture your life and how it would be if he never did convert. Would you be happy? Would it cause conflict? Would you always want more? If you think the answer is yes then it is best for you to both go your seperate ways. He deserves someone who loves him for who he is and how he believes as much as you deserve someone who will fulfil you spiritually .

Post # 16
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Please marry him for the man he IS not the man you WANT him to be.

 

Also, as an FYI, I was in a similar situation when Darling Husband and I were dating.  He was Agnostic, and I considered myself Christian.  I am a preacher’s daughter and grew up around the church.  

Darling Husband and I both accepted our differing belief systems and never pushed our beliefs on each other.  

However, after years of intelligent conversation, paired with knowledge I gained through my college education, I too, became Agnostic.  I realized that I was merely Christian because that is how I was raised.  When I looked at the “proof,” it just didn’t add up to me.

So, not all Agnostics convert to Christianity.  In my case, it was the opposite.

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