Post # 1
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
I feel very petty posting this, so please bear that in mind, lol. This seems like something a 15 year old girl would post, not someone 20 years her senior.
A girl I used to work with RSVP’ed yes to my wedding this past July and never showed up. Never mentioned it, never said she was sorry, didn’t send a card, nothing. Just didn’t show.
Her and I haven’t been close since I left that work place 3 years ago. We’ve never found time to get together though once in a while we speak on the phone. I keep up with her on Facebook, mainly. I saw her at a friend’s wedding shower.
Lately I’ve been trying to pair down my facebook friends so I can pay more attention to the people in my life who I really like and talk to regularly. I’ve been reading all kinds of articles about who to delete and when, it’s kind of ridiculous.
I feel hurt that she just ditched my wedding like that and then didn’t say anything. My first inclination was to think that something happened, it’s not about me, maybe she’s embarrassed, etc. She’s the sort of person who has spent her entire life with one set of serious problems (often self created) after another.
But now I’m starting to wonder…maybe it IS about me? This girl is NEVER afraid to speak her mind and I think she would have told me if something had happened that prevented her from going OR if she genuinely didn’t like me anymore.
At this point, I would certainly be friendly and cordial to her if we saw each other, but I’m pretty sick of seeing her all over the facebook feed. For now, I removed her from the newsfeed, so that works. But I wonder, is it even worth my time and energy to keep people like that on there?
Post # 3
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@solidarity: I don’t think this is something worth agonzing about…..it’s just facebook.
Post # 4
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
@solidarity: I deleted everyone that wasn’t part of my family, family friends or friend group. I don’t have many people on facebook at all now, but I much prefer it that way.
Post # 5
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
@housebee: People like to say things like that, but I think it’s worth thinking about. If I delete someone I was formerly close to, I’m basically ending the friendship. It’s a bitch move.
Maybe it’s different in your world. I can appreciate that.
Post # 6
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
Deleting people off facebook is something I do rather often, and when people ask me why I delete so many people the answer is always the same, its my facebook, and I don’t have to be friends with people on facebook to be friends with them in the real world. I think way too many people take facebook way too seriously. If you don’t want her on your friend list then delete her.
Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
@Exie: I’m going that direction, too. I’m also trying to separate old coworkers into LinkedIn, where, frankly, they belong.
Post # 8
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
I use FB for idle chitchat, not for anything important. When I have big news to share, I use more personal channels to tell the people I care about. FB was the last to know about my engagement and my pregnancy.
I agree with PP who said that the key is to deprioritize the significance of FB. “FB friend” is to “true friend” as Snapple is to iced tea: A poor substitute that hardly resembles the real version.
Post # 9
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@solidarity: If you were formerly close to her, but you no longer are, then it seems like the friendship ended a while ago. Still doesn’t seem like something to agonize over because you’re not really losing anything you haven’t already lost.
Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
@housebee: That’s exactly what I’m trying to roll around in my head! I’ve been reading lots of articles about prioritizing relationships and when to accept that a friendship has ended and move on. This seems to fit the bill pretty well.
Ok, delete.
Post # 11
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
don’t stress, it’s just facebook.
many times i have deleted people and hid people from my newsfeed.
Post # 12
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
Honestly, I purge my Facebook friends list every 6 months.
Don’t feel bad about it – it’s just Facebook, it’s not like you’re walking up to her and physically slapping her in the face.
Facebook might be a nice way to keep in touch with someone, but the internet does not a friendship make – you can’t depend on Facebook to be a lifeline to a receding friendship (especially with a jerk move like skipping your wedding)
If she gets offended about it, there’s two things:
1. Facebook friends do not equal real friends
2. You won’t know because you’re not Facebook friends! 🙂
Post # 13
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
@solidarity: Defriend and stop sweating it. Neither of you seem interested in being actual friends so its no big deal.
Post # 14
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Im a bad person to ask lol I delete people at will. I see something that is slightly annoying from someone who isn’t a major player in my regular life? DELETE. You post one too many inspirational photos when im pms’ing? DELETE. Im trigger happy with that delete button.
the point is, it’s facebook. DELETE. You got this! 🙂
Post # 15
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
Since you’re hesitating about deleting her, why not just unsubscribe from her? It’s basically defriending without the other person ever being aware.
Post # 16
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I have a hard time with this too. I go through the – what if we want to reconnect later and she realizes I unfriended her – thought process.
I need to do a purge, I have way too many people from High School that i haven’t seen in more than a decade on my list and I would not have kept in touch with if it weren’t for facebook.