- 4 years ago
I know this is not an uncommon issue…my FI and I are having a hard time pin pointing a budget and he isn’t very into planning. While I agree with him that we should not go into a bunch of debt over one day, I do think we should have something special. I’ve been trying to get him to think about what the wedding should look like to him (for instance who is there with us? what kind of place are we getting married in? what do we do to celebrate afterward?). Our guest list is 100 people (family severely narrowed down, no children, and no dates unless they are married, engaged, or living together). Of those guests, 19 are mine…81 are his, and we aren’t even considering having any of our close friends come.
We don’t want a bridal party, and because our wedding will have less than 100 people who show up, I would like to spend some money on food, flowers, and music. I feel like a small event is going to be boring with everyone just sitting around staring at each other eating dinner quietly. Also our wedding would ideally be a winter wedding so the venues are discounted but are still not as affordable as outdoor venues (I know a lot of people suggest parks for venues to save money, but I don’t trust Pittsburgh weather enough, and we want a venue that we can serve alcohol at).
I don’t want to broadcast the budget, but with everything I’ve crunched for stationary (invites, placecards, etc.), venues and meals/bar, photog, and flowers I keep coming up anywhere from $4-6k over what he thinks the budget should be and would be willing to split 50/50 with me. That said I know I could come up with the difference, but I am also covering the wedding bands, my dress, accessories, hair/makeup, and treating both our mothers to hair and makeup on the wedding day as separate expenses from the shared wedding budget. I also think we will pay for our honeymoon separately after the wedding (I will have to double check with him on that). I am getting a little resentful that I will be putting so much more into this day than he will and will be the one painstakingly searching for deals and negotiating with vendors. And I think that is in part because we are excluding some of our very close friends, and the guest list is 4/5 his family (even though its cut, some of those people are only being invited out of obligation, we don’t even see them often or know them that well). My parents may give us a little bit of money…not sure what it will help cover. His parents cannot give us anything.
He has also expressed that he would be happy with just doing a small ceremony and then having dinner out afterward with just immediate family. I can’t help but think I would regret this idea because it would end up being us, my parents, his parents, and his 9 siblings and 2 or potentially 3 of their significant others (I might be able to convince him to include grandparents). I love and care about his family, but would feel like this is just a dinner out with his family. I really want a gown and a photographer to capture a few memories of the day, and think that just a dinner out won’t feel any more special or different than any other time we go out to eat with his family…plus I will feel silly walking into a restaurant in a gown.
I guess what i am looking for here, other than just to vent a little, would be to ask other Bees for advice on how they got the groom more into planning. And if there are any Pittsburgh wedding Bees who can offer me tips on a great afforable winter venue and any vendors who gave great deals (some Pittsburgh wedding budget breakdowns would be awesome!). Or if any of you had an amazing intimate dinner out afterward to celebrate, where was it, and what made it special?