Agreeing to raise children in the Catholic Church – Question

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 2
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee

You have a much bigger issue in the way of getting married in the Catholic Church – your prior marriage. You cannot get married in the Catholic Church unless you have it annulled, which is quite a process (if you can even get an annullment).

Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t believe that it applies to the kids who are not the offspring of the Catholic person.

I’ve never heard of that being an issue in a mixed marriage. The annulment and dispensation process can take a while though, so hopefully you’ve started on that already.

Post # 4
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

zl27 :  Great minds think alike:)

Post # 5
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

You are not serious, right? Who exactly is going to come and check how you are raising your children after the marriage? Even if you have promised to do it, you are their parent and you can at any time decide to revoke that promise and do whatever is best for your children. Bottom line: this is something you have to discuss and agree on with the father of the children and your future husband, not with the church.

Post # 6
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Simple>

You won’t be able to get married in the catholic church if you are a divorcee. You could get an annulment but there are very strict grounds for that and with 2 children it seems unlikely.

If the Catholic church baptise your new children they would have no way of even knowing if your existing ones are baptised or not. It’s actually quite hard to track down baptism records and they are hardly going to invest time treking from parish to parish double checking something that is totally irrelevant to your new kids’ baptism.

You don’t need to baptise your children to bring them up Catholic anyway. Just take them to church, put them into a Catholic school. Believe me, they will feel Catholic!

Post # 8
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

mikesgirl123 :  Genuinely wondering- if you don’t want to raise your children Catholic, why are you considering baptism? If you get as far as a Catholic marrigae (which seems unlikely), just say, yes you will raise any future children Catholic.

With 2 divorces between you (in any recognised faith/legal capacity), you’d need 2 annulments. It seems a huge obstacle to overcome.

Post # 9
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

mikesgirl123 : I firmly believe that no matter what promise you give to the Catholic church (which, I am sorry to say, I don’t hold in particularly high regards), you should still do whatever you think is best for your children. And sure, if the father is off the table, it is you who decides. If I remember correctly, the Jesuits had a very convenient way to make such promises – just add to them, “if God so will” – now if God happens to not really want your kids to be raised catholic, who is to object to that?

Post # 10
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Your children do not have to be baptized in the Catholic Church for you to get married in the Catholic Church. 

My mother’s first marriage was not in the Catholic Church, but her second husband’s was in the Catholic Church. He had to get his first marriage annulled so they could have a Catholic wedding, but my mother did not. 

P.S. Everyone getting married in the Catholic faith goes to Pre Cana classes. You might get asked about how you will deal with the challenge of having two different faiths. They want to make sure you have a game plan, but just explain your situation and hold firm to your beliefs. 

Post # 13
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Are you sure you want to raise your future children as Catholic when it’s something you don’t practice yourself? It’s hard to teach something to someone else when it’s against your own beliefs and practices.

Post # 14
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

mikesgirl123 :  I’d say your previous children are not ‘children of the marriage’. The Catholic church sees children as ‘fruit’ of a marriage, and your previous ones are ‘fruit’ of a previous marriage. It will be part of a question about whether you’ll openly accept children into this particular marriage (ie. willing to have sex, willing to conceive, willling to give birth etc). Your previous kids are not part of that question.

As for anulments, what the Catholic church says in its literature may be very different from the reality. If it can be done , it’s often a case of throwing a lot of money at the problem, so you’d have to think how much you’re willing to spend!

It will involve:

  • large fees
  • a huge amount of admin
  • you’d need your previous spouses to consent, agree and help you apply for the anulment. That will eat up their time so they have to really, really want to help you with this. It works best where both exes want to remarry in a Catholic church and its mutually beneficial. I know someone who didn’t bother because he did not want to involve his ex-wife and was not convinced she’d go through all that just so HE could get married in a particular church to someone else and in the process she would have had effectively to agree their marriage was a sham! Quite a tall request of an ex in most relationships!

 

Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

leonatigra :  In most cases, there are no longer fees for annulments, or at the very least, they’re significantly lowered.  A lot of diocese had done away with them willingly, and now they’re pretty much ordered to.  Pope Francis insisted that the cost be minimized.  And it’s always been the rule that if a person can’t pay, they can still get the annulment.  Also, the automatic tribunal appeal has been removed.  Having children from a previous marriage is something to be considered, but is hardly a deal breaker.  My goodness, you’d be hard pressed to find an aunt or uncle or grandparent etc. of mine who didn’t get married, get divorced, get annuled, and rinse and repeat at least twice with children in every lot, and that was well before all the new frou-frou fluffy revisions.  Diocese of Cleveland got in trouble several years ago when it came out they had a 100% annulment granted rate.  I suppose if you’ll pass my great aunts through, you’ll pass anyone.

As to the ex-spouse’s consent, it’s preferred, but not required.  What is required is that you give the diocese the correct contact information to the best of your knowledge.  They will make good faith efforts to contact the party.  The party can then choose to respond with willingness to participate, an angry letter telling them to go straight to hell, or with nothing at all.  After a set number of attempts decided by the diocese in question, good faith will have been achieved and they’ll move on.  (We’re currently awaiting a response to the second letter sent to FH’s ex, wishing she’d just call them and tell them to F off so we can move on)  If the party doesn’t respond, the diocese carries on, just without that testimony.

It’s still a long and annoying process and I wish there were more options for the priests to perform them at the parish level other than void of form (if you have the medical documentation saying you were severely mentally ill at the time of the meeting, the courtship, and the marriage, wouldn’t you think the defect of consent could be done without a court care??), but as long as you budget the time, it’s not super painful or even difficult.  Just annoying.

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors