(Closed) Ah! Messed with a Chinese tradition on accident

posted 9 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I would apologize to your Father-In-Law for not keeping her traditions, but explain that it is too late to change your wedding party. Perhaps there is some kind of luck charm or jewel you could ask your bridesmaids to wear? Ask your Father-In-Law what would make her more at ease about things and make sure you worn your maids about the possible opposition to their involvement in the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i think unless you don’t have any pregnant BMs at your wedding, that in the future whatever goes wrong, they will probably point their finger back at this event. sounds stupid but i think that is what will happen.

while some tradition sometimes doesn’t make sense to us, trust me i am chinese so i can relate, but its very important to those in the older generation for us to respect their beliefs and for your Future Mother-In-Law to bring it up and nothing changes, it will probably most certainly make her very upset, is my guess.

 i guess your choice is whether you want to keep the peace with your future in laws, or change this part of your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
308 posts
Helper bee

techinally it’s bad luck to have someone married in your wedding party… usually single people are suppose to be BMs for the chinese… but hey in this day and age, it doesn’t matter anymore… i have a married friend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and told my mother, she was like…. well it’s bad luck but she knows how close i am to this friend so she said to heck with bad luck!

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Hey, Good luck w/ your decision. My sister got preggers and my mom and grandma told me 3 weeks before the wedding that it was bad luck. She was my maid of honor, arleady bought the dress, and we could order the dress anymore. I had to find a friend to stand in for her that could fit her dress size! I totally understand, so I really hope that everything goes well for you!

Post # 7
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This is really tough, as I can’t just tell you to not believe in that kinda stuff because everyone’s belief is different and I can’t force others to see things my way.  I doubt that anything bad will happen to the babies, and if if that happens, it wouldn’t be because of your wedding (though they might to to point it in your direction).  It is still important to respect their beliefs.  If it’s absolutely too late to change BMs, and that it is really important to them, can you just do without BMs?  I am not sure if that will open another can of worms.  I hope everything works out for you.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008 - Zen Garden in the East Bay w/ reception in a floor-to-ceiling window Atrium with views of the Zen Garden

There are so many Chinese Traditions that is hard for you to know all or be blamed for not having prior knowledge. Sometimes it’s best not to know because it’s hard to accomodate all of it. One of my girlfriends was also married when I asked her to be my bridesmaids which like Raindrops said above, it’s meant to single people only. I understand being pregnant is a bad luck but not in the way that it will harm the baby in that superstition. More so it’s the superstition that both of you have great things, Double Happinesses happening at the same time that they don’t want it to butt heads.

The traditions go as far as to not allow new moms to attend weddings, although their husbands can, until after 3 months after baby was born. Or if they were newly married, they couldn’t attend someone’s wedding closely prior or 3 months after their wedding too. I asked one of my gfs who got married 2 weeks after us if she wanted us/or me to attend in case her family has strong Chinese traditions but she wanted me there.I respect and follow a lot of chinese traditions but I really think you will be okay. These are great things happening in each other’s lives and you girls are sharing it together. Better to check with your bridesmaids and talk to your Mother-In-Law out or respect and just see if things should be fine going as in.

 

Good luck! Sorry for the long ramble. =)

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have a similar situation and it’s horibble!  Whatever you decide to do in this case is going to be painful for someone!

I had asked a dear cousin of mine (who is like a sister) to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she excitedly agreed.  And even though she told me then that she was trying to get pregnant, I didn’t think much of it b/c I figured it would be a happy time for both of us.  My parents kept nagging me about it and objected but never really said why.  She recently told me she is now definitely pregnant and my parents started ragging on me NON-STOP!!!  They kept insisting it was terrible luck and so I reluctantly agreed to replace her.  She was so hurt b/c she was afraid that she’d get leers from others if she even came to my wedding!  Needless to say, I’m upset b/c she’s upset!  She didn’t deserve to feel that way.  I wish I had never said anything and let her be happy and preggers in my upcoming wedding.

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I agree with what cherryblossom had said. If you can not follow all the Chinese wedding custom and traditions, you should let it go and act in a natural manner as much as possible. Smile

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