Post # 1
Ladies, I am in dire need of your advice. I have been battling with this question for much too long now and I am now looking to bride to bees or those of you that may have potentially been through this before.
My fiance and I have been planning the most intimate wedding that up until this point has brought me so much joy and excitement. We have put down all of our deposits, sent out save the dates, and I recently had my bridal shower! Our wedding is only three months away…
That being said, I am seriously considering leaving my job. I know, how irresponsible of me right? The truth is, I haven’t enjoyed the last four months of the planning process because I work 60 hour work weeks, fall asleep and wake up to my blackberry, and hardly have time to THINK of a wedding. I am fortunate that I’ve had a planner that has helped maintain my sanity but even then I cannot accept that I am not enjoying one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I have an incredible fiance that I love profoundly and when we got engaged, we knew perfectly well that our families were in no position to help us financially and that we were going to take it on all on our own. Unforunately, if I left my job, it would put us in a difficult financial situation and I’m certain we could not fulfill all of the payments due.
I’ve looked over our contracts a hundred times, tried and tried to figure a way to cut costs but again, leaving my job would still put us severely behind (I make a bit more than he does at this time). My work situation is so manic that I’m not certain we could even have a honeymoon. I’ve tried talking to family and friends about this but they all insist that there must be ways to cut back or they suggest pulling a loan, which I’m not crazy about. I dont want to incur debt to pay off an event that will last ONE day.
I’m struggling with the idea of extending an engagement because all I truly want is to be married to the man I love. I didnt grow up dreaming of my wedding but as this has all unraveled, I’ve discovered that there are a lot of elements I’d like to incorporate that are very meaningful to me and I’m not sure I’m willing to sacrifice.
In other words, would it be absolutely ghastly of me to post pone despite having sent out save the dates? Should we push everything back and allow more time to save and have our ideal wedding? Should we elope with our close friends/family? Or…should I hang in there with my job and keep all of this stress bottled up until after the wedding? My fiance is open to whatever I choose. He’s been incredibly supportive but even him leaving up to me brings me more stress. PLEASE HELP 🙁
Post # 3
If you quit your job, how are you going to be able to save up for the wedding? I would be worried that you would not be able to find another job for a while if you leave your job (I have been out of work since July). I don’t think it would be horrible to push the date back after sending out the Save-The-Date Cards but I would be worried about how you would afford getting married without a job. Maybe you should consider just eloping and having a hometown reception (for a lower cost)?
Post # 4
Don’t want to sound like a jerk BUT can’t you just stick it out for 3 more months until the wedding is over? Any way to cut back your hours @ work w/o quitting?
Post # 5
I wouldn’t push back the wedding at all. That just adds more stress to the situation. I agree with JKH2be – maybe stick the job out until right before the wedding. Put in your notice just before the wedding so that you will quit right before the wedding. Then you can go on a honeymoon for however long and come back to a new/different job. In the meantime, be looking for new jobs.
Post # 6
I don’t think leaving your job right now is ideal in this economy. I’d only leave if something else was already lined up. Living on one income is a lot harder compared to duel incomes. As for not having enough time, could you try and work less hours at work? Or take a day or two off work to do wedding stuff?
I’m sorry if I’m not much help. You really are in a tough spot. Good luck.
Post # 7
I agree with the girls. If you’ve come this far in your planning and the wedding is now only 3 months away i would try and stick it out! How long are you prepared to postpone? If you leave and find it difficult finding a new job it could be a long time before you have saved to have your dream wedding! It must be horrible being in such a stressful situation and not liking your work. If the wedding was a year away i’d say maybe yes put the wedding off but it’s so close now are you really prepared to stop it? You’d probably need to give a months notice anyway wouldn’t you? I think if your going to leave do it after the wedding or just before as someone else has mentioned! Good luck!
Post # 8
You can do it! I planned my destination wedding while working full time at a job I am on call for 24-7 and while getting my MBA at night. It was not easy but I did it. I think if you know what you want wedding wise it makes it easier, a lot of time is wasted on making decisions. Be clear, concise, and execute. Also if your family cannot contribute money, may they can help with some of the wedding tasks? Seriously, quitting your job for a one day event is very irresponsible especially in this economy. CA has 12% unemployment!
Post # 9
Thank you girls! I’m in complete agreement with you all, being unemployed would be a nightmare in itself, however; I’m fortunate in that I currently have two job offerings. Trouble is, there would be a paycut and I couldnt take the necessary time off for a honeymoon as planned.
Many of you suggested sticking it through. When planning this wedding, we alloted for funds on the assumption that I would stick it through, since I have for nearly two years now but its gotten to the point where I am physically ill Monday mornings with just the THOUGHT of coming in to the office and when anyone talks to me about anything wedding related I am so vacant and unresponsive because I’m so overwhelmed with my job.
@MrsJKH2be: you are not being a jerk! believe me, plenty of people have suggested this very thing but its ALOT easier said than done because unforunately I work for a COMPLETE jerk.
@MrsAsb:my immediate thoughts are to keep the date and just make some serious (and quick!) changes. I’ve actually entertained the idea of an elopment in Spain (where we are booked to honeymoon) with our intermediate family and having a hometown reception. We’d lose a bit in deposits but the savings would be unreal in turn. That OR, just push it back, keep our vendors,and allot a bit more time to save. We’re not too far off from our goal.
Thank you ALL so much. I literally couldn’t wait to get yo your responses, there’s nothing like a bride to be or an actual bride to help through these times.
Post # 10
@MissKiss – I’m in a similar position. Not thrilled with my job, stressed out and ill on Mondays. But, I’m sticking it out until after the wedding while testing the waters to see what’s out there. I hit 3 years in a few months, at which time I’ll be fully vested in my 401(k), and with that milestone so close, I also find it kind of irresponsible to want to leave so urgently. So, I’m sucking it up and hope that soon I’ll find a position that’s a better fit but doesn’t affect our bottom line!
Post # 11
I think there are many of us not happy at our jobs. You are not alone. In reality we have to stick to it and 3-4 months doesnt seem so bad. You can do it! Just after the wedding instead of focusing planning a wedding you can then have time to focus on finding a better job!
Post # 12
I didn’t love what I was doing right up until the wedding, but I gutted it out despite the stress. I started planning out a nationwide job search before the wedding and lined up a few interviews for when we returned from the honeymoon. This gave me the feeling of a light at the end of the tunnel.
I interviewed in September and start my new job this September (which gave us time to get pregnant and have a baby!) In my line of work it takes about a year to line up a new position, credential and start.
Anyway, I wouldn’t make any sudden moves based on wedding stress. This too shall pass!