(Closed) Ahh BM drama, am I overreacting? (sorry long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honestly, what I have had to learn is that no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. If others don’t make it a priority, it’s because in their eyes it isn’t. If your wedding is a year away, give her a break. No one, even my fiance, didn’t take the wedding seriously until about 3 months before the actual date. Just relax and realize that you might have to be your own support system.

Post # 5
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would tell her that if she can’t commit to going dress shopping before she moves, then she won’t be able to have a say in the dress and if she continues to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man she will just have to wear whatever you and the other girls pick out. That is very frustrating and I know that no one else cares as much about one’s wedding except for themselves, but there also needs to be a level of responsibility when a person is in a wedding and this girl obviously doesn’t have it.

Post # 6
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, you do have a lot of time between now and the wedding but if you feel that she is going to cause you more stress than happiness you should let her know that while you value her friendship you feel that she has too much on her plate with her social life and upcoming move to CA to continue being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Be nice about it and hopefully you can salvage the relationship, but realize that she is going to be hurt that you are asking her to step down.  Good luck!!!

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Maybe she just isn’t into weddings as much as the other BM’s.  My sister (MOH) would come to every bridal event there is but I don’t even invite my other Bridesmaid or Best Man to those things.  Your friend probably wants to be involved on the day so for the other events feels like she’s obligated to say yes.  When it comes down to it though, sounds like she doesn’t want to spend her Saturday’s doing that.  Are you asking her to come like it really is her choice?

It sounds like you have expectations that the other BM’s have set but this friend doesn’t want to be part of.  If you expect her to attend everything then you need to set that expectation with her but allow her to step down if she doesn’t want that committment.  There is nothing wrong if that’s what you want and she agrees.  If you don’t care if she comes to everything, make sure she knows it’s her choice.  But I think, if after you do that, she is still flakey, you will have to ask her to step down.

I don’t want to say “it’s just a wedding” because I know it’s not, but a girls level of wedding support to you should not determine if you continue the friendship.  Know what I mean?  The other BM’s might enjoy wedding planning so it’s fun for them.  This friend might have other interests but that does not make her less of a friend.

Post # 8
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Now if she is the only one creating drama then I would probably ask her to step down. Maybe she would feel more comfortable simply being a guest. A girl that I asked to be a bridesmaid had a baby last month and wasn’t focused on ordering her dress. When she finally got ready it was too late. I asked her instead to be a hostess. Now she can pick her own dress and won’t have so many responsibilities or obligations.

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Well it sounds like she’s flakey then.  What do you want to do?  My cousin asked a friend to do the makeup for her wedding.  She set up an appointment with this girl 3 times to do a test run.  The 1st time, the girl called and said she couldn’t come.  The 2nd time we all showed up and the girl called and said she couldn’t come.  The 3rd time, she did show up but was 30 minutes late.  On the day of the wedding, she never showed up.  Wrote a text and said there was something up with her aunt and she had to stay with her.  I’m not saying your friend is the same.  Just sayin. 

Is she flakey otherwise?  Doesn’t sound like you’d be wrong in asking her to step down.  With your last comment I don’t think you set too high expectations.  If the other girls “get it” you don’t have to set anything.  You’d probably be happier off in the end.  Good luck!

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