Post # 1
I could really use some encouragement today. I thought I was going to make it through this whole planning process without having heartbreak over something. Silly me! So my dilemma is who should walk me down the aisle? I know, I know this seems like a silly question.
Originally I was going to walk myself down the aisle and spare any hurt feelings. But it seems like that is causing hurt feelings all on it’s own. To sum it up here is why I’m having a problem:
I was raised by my maternal grandmother “Mama”. I know my biological Mom and Dad and have relationships with both of them though we are not extremely close. They have always been a part of my life and I often spent summers with them etc. Mom/Dad are no longer married, but are friends and usually attend events together go to dinner etc. (What can I say? They get along better when they date than they do if they are married).
My two uncles on my mother’s side have been father/brother figures in my life and I am extremely close to both of them.
I had decided from day one that I did not want Dad walking me down the aisle. Nothing against him, but we aren’t that close and I just didn’t see the point when our relationship has been anything but traditional. Then I thought that I could have both of my uncles escort me down, but while I don’t want Dad walking with me I also don’t want to hurt his feelings. Then Mama (maternal grandmother) suggested she could walk with me, but I saw my Mom’s (biological mother’s) heart break when Mama said this…though she didn’t say anything.
So my question is do I stick to my original plan and piss everyone off because none of them get to walk with me and thereby eliminate the “specialty factor” or do I somehow make a choice between all of these people who love me? It’s been eating me alive all day (my hair is so going to go gray if I don’t lay off the worrying) and while I think it would be nice to have an escort that day, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Sorry this is so long, if you hung in there thank you for reading this and I appreciate all comments.
Post # 3
wh ydoesn’t you grandma walk you down?
Post # 4
Choose whomever you feel most comfortable with and whom it feels “right” to walk you down. Everyone else will have to get over it. My vote is for the father figures in your life. It’s hard to tell without details of why you weren’t raised by your mom and dad – but if you feel closer with your uncles than I would do that.
Post # 5
What about having your biological Mum walk you half way down the aisle to Mama…and Mama can walk you from there thus being the one to “give you away?”
Post # 6
@sapphiregriffin: Wow you sound like me. I have a very devoted mother and a friend of the family who has been my father figure (he’s married) and my father, whom I have a very strained relationship with. I invited him to the Wedding, but I was going to walk myself down the aisle in order to avoid hurt feelings. Then, I decided no one can argue that my mother didn’t earn that right with all that she sacrificed in being a single parent. So, as much as I love everyone, I need someone there beside me who has my best interest at heart and who I truly want by my side when I’m escorted down the aisle.
I chose my mom and to be honest, if people who care about me can’t see why, they don’t belong in my life. Good luck.. I know it’s hard, but do what feels right. You’ll never get everyone to e 100% on-board with every decision you make, but at least having the important people on board is possible.
Post # 7
It really is up to you. You are going to hurt someone’s feelings no matter what you do, so go with your gut. What would make you the most comfortable on the day of your wedding?
Post # 8
Thank you for the encouragement ladies.
Looking back at my post I may have oversimplified my parents and my relationship in an effort to keep things shorter. I love both of my parents and they have been involved in my life since day one. They were young when they had me, not ready for children and rather than put me up for adoption asked Mama to care for me. Now that I am older I understand their reasoning even if I don’t agree with it.
@vmec: Grandma (aka Mama) could totall walk me down the aisle and she has absolutely earned that right since she has raised me as her fourth child since I was four months old, but I do have a good relationship with my biological mom (even though Mama and I are closer) and I could tell it really hurt her feelings when Mama suggested this even though she would never say anything.
@MsMindle: This is a neat idea, I will have to ponder on this a while.
@csteen85: Thank you for sharing your experience. I think this is truly my dilemma. I love them all and if I could I’d walk up and down the aisle so they could all walk with me lol, but I’m pretty sure I’d get some mega wierd looks lol.
@babymakes3: Thank you and you are absolutely right. I just need to “put on my big girl panties and deal” I just really hate dissapointing people.
Post # 9
I vote for walking yourself down the aisle and have them all stand up to respond when asked who gives the bride away, or whatever wording you plan to use. Any choice you make will have drawbacks, but that doesn’t make it wrong. There probably isn’t a perfect solution, just the one that is best for you. And they love you, they’ll understand whatever you decide.
Post # 10
I think your Grandmother is the best choice, based on history.
Good luck with your decision.
Post # 11
I have a similar situation – my father died when I was 13 and so cannot walk me down the aisle. My mother and I used to be close when I was a lot younger, but this is no longer the case and I only see and talk to her a couple of times in a year – it is by choice – I was originally going to ask her to walk me down the aisle just because ‘she’s my mum’ but put it simply, she is a cruel woman and I no longer feel like she loves me any more (that sounds highly exaggerated but it is what it is, and I don’t want to have to tell the whole story) – and put it more simply, if I didn’t have to invite her to my wedding, I probably won’t.
Anyway, that leaves two other choices – my grandma (mum’s mum) or my uncle (mum’s brother). I think I am leaning towards my Grandma simply because she is the eldest and it just feels right. Your situation doesn’t sound as easy because it sounds like your relationship with your bio mum is a good one. Tough call.
You could always have two people walk you down the aisle – both your Mama and your mother.
Post # 12
Thank you ladies for all your advice. After thinking on it and praying about it I decided to stick with my original plan of walking alone. There’s just too much potential for hurt feelings if I do it any other way and while my relationships with certain family members are unconventional I still wouldn’t cause them unnecessary pain.
Strangly enough after I decided to walk alone my Mama told me she also walked by herself when she was married in 1960.