AITA- Finances and Spouse

posted 1 year ago in Money
Post # 61
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

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peanutbutterandjam :  Saver keeps savings 100%.. how is it fair that the other person decided to spend their money and receive whatever benefit they got from that spending and other person saved .. and has to give it up? Is the saver getting the clothing the other person got? the food eate? the drinks drank at bars? No. So the other person is not entitled to the benefits of the saver either.

Post # 62
Member
1574 posts
Bumble bee

It depends upon what was agreed upon between the two parties. I don’t see why the spender should get all the benefits of spending but then want access to the savers money too xo

Post # 63
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

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peanutbutterandjam :  

if there is substance beneath your hypothetical, please get proper (paid) advice. 

legal issues

1. is the community property designation rebuttable in the jurisdiction? If no, then the saver has possession, but only joint title, to the saved funds, regardless of who is the account holder, and the spender benefits to the extent that the spender dissipated the spender’s equivalent $10k 

2. if yes to (1), then is there an agreement between the partners that distributions of community properly from Joint Funds become individual property? This agreement will need to be well evidenced,   Since gifts are the hardest thing to prove to be disposals 

3. if yes to (2), do the facts of this situation fall within the agreement? This onus will be on the saver to prove that

 

bottom line, marriage without a property agreement is like going into business without a shareholders’ agreement. If nothing goes wrong, you’re fine. If anything goes wrong, you’re at risk. 

Post # 64
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely team saver. “Hoarding” money made me LOL. 

Post # 65
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

I’m puzzled by people who claim the Saver is “hoarding” money.  

Post # 66
Member
3655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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peanutbutterandjam :  I didn’t read any follow up posts just FYI. 

Regardless of what one spouse “believes”, marital income is shared income. If you were to get divorced, that 10k account would be split up. 

Of course how you choose to handle it in your own private lives is your own doing. 

Post # 67
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

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picturemeurs : That should read why the spender wants access….

Post # 68
Member
5996 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Soooo…. Any update OP?

Post # 69
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am on the saver’s side, not just because the spender had the same opportunity to build up this money but didn’t. I realized this is probably not the issue at all, but my mind automatically goes to worst case scenario, so my thought behind it is that if this were the way finances were split in a marriage that wound up being abusive, the ability to save up that money as a way to get out and start over would be absolutely the best asset that spouse would have.

That hypothetical aside if you’re going to have rules like this in a marriage, it’s always a good idea to get together with a lawyer and formalize them in a postnuptual agreement (or a prenup if you decide on this before you get married)

Post # 70
Member
4320 posts
Honey bee

I 100% understand that the money is probably marital assets by law, but I also think that it should be the savers money and their money alone.

 

Post # 71
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee

My husband and I split finances like this.  Everything goes in one pot and then we both get an equal amount of what we call “blow money” to spend as we please. We have different things we like to buy. And we like the freedom to buy what we want and also know it has no impact on our household finances (since bills and savings are always allocated first). 

But also – we pay for  everything that is a necessity or not “fun” from our joint account. Gym comes under joint. Gas, groceries, etc. Even if one of us spends more in one of these categories than the other. So the blow money is really just for stuff we absolutely don’t need but may want. Which is what makes it fair even even one of us has more money in that account than the other. The other person’s standard of living wouldn’t change.  They’d just buy less fun stuff that month. 

Post # 72
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee

Legally probably joint. But morally the savers money and they should be able to spend it as they want

Post # 73
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee

So I’m going to go ahead and assume the OP is not the saver and that’s why she hasn’t returned. 

Post # 74
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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peanutbutterandjam :  person who saved the money,  keeps the money. I’m guessing that’s you. Your husband is being greedy, having spent his own personal allotment he wants to help spend yours too…. don’t let him. 

I think I remember you.  Didn’t you post about putting put the vast majority of down payment on your house and your husband baulked at the prenup, etc??

Post # 75
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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strawberrysakura :  yeah I was checking back on this thread to see her update and I agree with you. She isn’t coming back to update 

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