AITA for not giving a wedding gift?

posted 2 weeks ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7433 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

A card would have been nice.

Post # 3
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Neither my husband nor I got gifts from our bridal party (aside from a framed picture of the girls and I that they all signed on the back and some drinks the boys bought my husband). They covered most of the costs of my bachelorette’s (I had two- a small at-home spa day party and a one overnight trip to a nearby city) though my parents and I covered their attire, hair, and I gifted them jewelry and robes to wear the day of. 

This is all to say that my girls got way more than it sounds like you did and they did not give individual gifts for the wedding. I didn’t mind one bit, they were by my side at times that I needed them most and they were my closest friends. They each, however, gave gifts at the bridal shower about a month or two prior to the wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
6730 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

canecorso26 :  a heartfelt card is all that could be expected when you’ve already done so much. You shouldn’t go into dire straits financially for anyone’s wedding, even your own. 

Post # 5
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Most of my bridesmaids didn’t get me a gift, and I could absolutely not care less. What mattered was they were there. I don’t think it’s a big deal if you don’t get her a gift on top of all of that. You could have just let shit hit the fan, as you were not obligated to do any of that – but you didn’t and I’m sure your friend appreciates that.

Post # 6
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I do think not giving anything is a bit tacky.  Imo your bridesmaids are usually your closest friends and an inexpensive but heart felt gift goes a long way.  My bridesmaids made me a gorgeous picture book of our friendship, photos of my relationship and ending on my bachelorette weekend. 

I think even writing a letter to your friend is enough of a gift, but personally I wouldn’t do literally nothing. The cards from my bridesmaids were lovely to read, they all wrote long letters to me and my husband and they are some of the most special wedding gifts. 

When was the wedding? 

Post # 7
Member
4422 posts
Honey bee

I think most of your replies here will be no, you are not obligated to since you’ve spent a bit already with the prewedding events. However, in real life, I have never seen the bridal party fork over the amount of money like the situations I’ve read here.  I have been a bridesmaid 6 times so far. I have paid for my dress (h/mu the bride always covered) gave a small amount for a bachelorette party (never over $100) and it still gives me a bit of budget for a reasonably priced wedding gift from their registry.

canecorso26 :  

Post # 8
Member
7094 posts
Busy Beekeeper

IMO you probably paid well over what a normal guest would have given (sounds like over $500!) so I think you’re fine. IMO bridal party should be an honour, not a chore, which it sounds like it was for you. If she gets pissy that you didn’t give a gift then she’s a terrible friend. 

Post # 10
Member
981 posts
Busy bee

canecorso26 :  Considering how at last minute, you stepped up to the plate, and assumed role of MOH; paid for and planned her bridal shower and bachelorette, plus orchestrated getting her bridesmaids ready to walk down the isle, I’d say the bride owes you a thank you gift. 

Post # 11
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

bearinabeecostume :  EXACTLY!!! This was not OP’s job, she didn’t agree to this responsibility from the beginning, but she was a nice enough person to step up and take control. If any of my bridesmaids did that I’d be buying them an amazing thank you gift, and definitely in no way would I expect a gift. Like, doing all that WAS the gift. Probably one of their better gifts too.

Post # 12
Member
981 posts
Busy bee

chelbell23 :  Right?! OP was Superwoman! As a bride, I would be so grateful, and at the very least, send her to a spa for the day. 

Post # 13
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Do you live close to the bride and groom? If you are feeling guilty (which I don’t think you should be) you could invite them over for a dinner? 

Post # 14
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Not necessary; you’ve already gone (and spent!) above and beyond what most anyone else would do/give.  And if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong.

Post # 15
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I personally find it rude to attend a wedding without a gift, however it is tricky where finances are tight because of reasons such as those you expressed. 

I agree with one of the other posters that it will be lovely if you come to the wedding with a personal gift (not necessarily expensive) or sentimental value to bring something that shows thought without needing to break the bank any further. 

Good luck!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors