Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I was originally asked to be a bridesmaid in a close friend’s destination wedding, but after another the maid of honor had to step down one month before the wedding day and was unable to help with much (completely understandable due to a very serious pregnancy issue, thankfully she is doing much better now) and another bridesmaid flaked and dropped out (due to boyfriend drama I think…), I was ‘ugraded’ (?) to maid of honor and did my absolute best to make sure the bride and groom still had a wonderful wedding. I hosted, planned and paid for her shower (her mom was able help a little bit financially and the other bridesmaids helped with setting up and cleaning up) and ended up paying a couple hundred more than expected towards her bachelorette due to a few girls not attending at the last minute. Then, after travelling to the destination, the groom’s mother decided that the bridal party would no longer be joining for hair and makeup, so that was a bit of unexpected last minute craziness to figure out amongst ourselves (just ended up making a road trip into the city to Ulta and quickly doing our own as we had responsibilities on the day of). What with all of the extra running around (six different Uber trips to pick up last minute forgotten items and meet with vendors), the peak holiday travel/accommodation, extra party costs and hair/makeup, I ended up stretched pretty thin financially… and feel like I’m being a bad friend as I haven’t gotten the bride and groom a wedding gift. The bride did give the bridal party very lovely necklaces and thanked us all profusely to make sure we felt appreciated for all we did. In everyone’s experience is it expected for the bridal party to also give gifts at destination weddings in addition to all of the pre-wedding costs? I don’t want to be THAT person… Help!
Post # 2
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
A card would have been nice.
Post # 3
Member
2228 posts
Buzzing bee
Neither my husband nor I got gifts from our bridal party (aside from a framed picture of the girls and I that they all signed on the back and some drinks the boys bought my husband). They covered most of the costs of my bachelorette’s (I had two- a small at-home spa day party and a one overnight trip to a nearby city) though my parents and I covered their attire, hair, and I gifted them jewelry and robes to wear the day of.
This is all to say that my girls got way more than it sounds like you did and they did not give individual gifts for the wedding. I didn’t mind one bit, they were by my side at times that I needed them most and they were my closest friends. They each, however, gave gifts at the bridal shower about a month or two prior to the wedding.
Post # 3
Member
6840 posts
Busy Beekeeper
canecorso26 : a heartfelt card is all that could be expected when you’ve already done so much. You shouldn’t go into dire straits financially for anyone’s wedding, even your own.
Post # 5
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I don’t think it’s a big deal. Most of my bridesmaids didn’t get me a gift, and I could absolutely not care less. What mattered was they were there. I don’t think it’s a big deal if you don’t get her a gift on top of all of that. You could have just let shit hit the fan, as you were not obligated to do any of that – but you didn’t and I’m sure your friend appreciates that.
Post # 6
Member
5325 posts
Bee Keeper
I do think not giving anything is a bit tacky. Imo your bridesmaids are usually your closest friends and an inexpensive but heart felt gift goes a long way. My bridesmaids made me a gorgeous picture book of our friendship, photos of my relationship and ending on my bachelorette weekend.
I think even writing a letter to your friend is enough of a gift, but personally I wouldn’t do literally nothing. The cards from my bridesmaids were lovely to read, they all wrote long letters to me and my husband and they are some of the most special wedding gifts.
When was the wedding?
Post # 7
Member
5431 posts
Bee Keeper
I think most of your replies here will be no, you are not obligated to since you’ve spent a bit already with the prewedding events. However, in real life, I have never seen the bridal party fork over the amount of money like the situations I’ve read here. I have been a bridesmaid 6 times so far. I have paid for my dress (h/mu the bride always covered) gave a small amount for a bachelorette party (never over $100) and it still gives me a bit of budget for a reasonably priced wedding gift from their registry.
canecorso26 :
Post # 8
Member
8267 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
IMO you probably paid well over what a normal guest would have given (sounds like over $500!) so I think you’re fine. IMO bridal party should be an honour, not a chore, which it sounds like it was for you. If she gets pissy that you didn’t give a gift then she’s a terrible friend.
Post # 9
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
jellybellynelly : Closer to $1500 all things considered lol
zzar45 : it was the weekend of Dec 21/22 in the midwest (most of the bridal party/guests live on the west coast and the bride lives in Pacific Northwest) so unfortunately travel/accommodation was almost double what it would have normally been. I feel bad but what with also paying my own Christmas bills and there not being anything on her registry for less than $100 and already having given her a card at her shower and bachelorette I will probably send her another card but can’t justify the cost of the registry/shipping to send her something. Maybe I’m just being petty/still a bit upset about the last minute hair/makeup cancellation and feeling a bit used by the groom’s family, I don’t know…
Post # 10
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
canecorso26 : Considering how at last minute, you stepped up to the plate, and assumed role of MOH; paid for and planned her bridal shower and bachelorette, plus orchestrated getting her bridesmaids ready to walk down the isle, I’d say the bride owes you a thank you gift.
Post # 11
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
bearinabeecostume : EXACTLY!!! This was not OP’s job, she didn’t agree to this responsibility from the beginning, but she was a nice enough person to step up and take control. If any of my bridesmaids did that I’d be buying them an amazing thank you gift, and definitely in no way would I expect a gift. Like, doing all that WAS the gift. Probably one of their better gifts too.
Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
chelbell23 : Right?! OP was Superwoman! As a bride, I would be so grateful, and at the very least, send her to a spa for the day.
Post # 13
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
Do you live close to the bride and groom? If you are feeling guilty (which I don’t think you should be) you could invite them over for a dinner?
Post # 14
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
Not necessary; you’ve already gone (and spent!) above and beyond what most anyone else would do/give. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong.
Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
I personally find it rude to attend a wedding without a gift, however it is tricky where finances are tight because of reasons such as those you expressed.
I agree with one of the other posters that it will be lovely if you come to the wedding with a personal gift (not necessarily expensive) or sentimental value to bring something that shows thought without needing to break the bank any further.
Good luck!