(Closed) AITA for not giving a wedding gift?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
205 posts
Helper bee

No I don’t think bridal party members, especially ones that go to that much effort, need to also give a gift. 

ours were 50/50 on whether they gave a gift. Half gave cash, half didn’t. There was no obligation as far as we were concerned! 

We paid for everyone’s accomodation, hair, makeup, shirts and ties, food, drink etc for the weekend. Everyone got their own dress / pants & jacket and shoes – there was no stipulation as to what they were to be. Groomsmen black suit and shoes, bridesmaids settled on navy dresses and black shoes between themselves. 

they all pitched in with the bucks and hens, plus did a little setting up and cleaning up (totally optional and nothing other than carting presents and flowers etc up the stairs). So we were just really grateful for having them with us and making it such an awesome time, I actually felt bad when I realised some had given cash gifts too! 

Post # 17
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think everyone is forgetting this was for a destination wedding.  No one who has to pay to travel should be expected to give a gift.   The wedding apparently was during peak travel season and OP went above and beyond.  I’m with the pp’s who said the bride should give OP an extra gift.

For the record, I did do that for my Maid/Matron of Honor as a thank you for all that extra she did for my wedding.

Post # 18
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
canecorso26 :  I paid for my BMs hair, makeup and dresses.  Everyone except my Maid/Matron of Honor only had to pay $40 for my hens (MOH paid quite a bit more to host an afterparty at her house).  All they paid for was accomodation as my wedding was 90 minutes away from our suburb (and 2 of them stayed with their families who paid)  

I didn’t get a gift from any of them and I didn’t mind at all, especially from my Maid/Matron of Honor.  I did feel a bit sad though that I didn’t get a card, especially since I wrote them all a long heartfelt note in their cards, along with their gifts.

I think that a card is always a requirement, but a gift from a bridal party is optional and only if it’s financially viable.



Post # 19
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

You’re good. You’ve been very generous and made time and monetary sacrifices. If she is reasonable, she’ll see it that way too. 

Post # 20
13926 posts
Honey Beekeeper

” In everyone’s experience is it expected for the bridal party to also give gifts at destination weddings in addition to all of the pre-wedding costs? I don’t want to be THAT person… Help!”

Theoretically, gifts are related  to budget and closeness of relationship while unreasonably expensive costs of travel are related to ability to attend. That said, no couple is ever entitled to expect gifts, especially in this circumstance

Personally, I would likely not attend or feel honored to be “promoted.” Maid/Matron of Honor is based on the relationship, not a job. In your place I’d have divided whatever you planned to spend in total to include some kind of gift, and spent less on “pre-wedding” costs. 

Post # 22
4263 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
@canecorso26:  You’ve done plenty already! I would certainly give a nice card and maybe something small and sentimental, but it sounds like contributing so much in other ways has really tapped you out financially, so there’s no need to go overboard. 

Post # 23
1023 posts
Bumble bee

Jeez, you sound remarkably chill, considering the hectic nature of that wedding, lol. I would say you’ve done your part, and if I were the bride I wouldn’t expect anything more (cards are nice, though!). But if you’re bound and determined to give something I believe you actually have a year to give it to them. I could be wrong about that….I thought I read it in Emily Post and it’s what my mother always says….So if you’re strapped right now but might be able to save up for something in six months, go for it! I would definitely go for small and meaningful, though, rather than big and impersonal, considering your Maid/Matron of Honor position.

Post # 24
47408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This thread is 8 months old. Let’s not revive it.

The topic ‘AITA for not giving a wedding gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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