Post # 1
as a continuous from this thread http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/gift-opening-vent-a-little-long
Okay so ladies..i need more help about this same topic 🙁 I feel like its never ending…and maybe this is something im just being over dramatic about as the wedding is so close and i have so much to do still 🙁
Either way I have been having a few issues with FH’s family and tonight is the nioght that we are supposed to talk about the money they said they would give us for the wedding (but havent yet, causing us to dip into random accounts to pay bills), the string quartet the loving INSISTED we have…and then make us pay for and also this doomed day after the wedding family thing they do not want to be any part of.
On a side not if you go through some of my older non related posts i had to deal with a family crisis where FH’s grandparents wanted to have a grandkid only, or as they put it “Blood only” lunch for the kids, no significant others (FH is the only one with a signifcant other…so it basically singled me out (there are only 4 grandkids as well)) FMIL was super upset about this and confronted the granparents satying they were rude to single me out like this…but then she turns around and has a “Calgary Day” after the wedding, excluding me and my family.
ANYWAYS…FH and I had a fight last night..a HUGE fight…our first 🙁 (in 3.5 years i think thata pretty good) I chalk it up to just being super stressed with the wedding only being four weeks away and dealing wiht all this stuff. FH was so angry he slept in the spare room last night *cry*. What i want to know is if I should bother going tonight to this “discussion” at his parents. I feel lke we are at this fork where its FH’s responsibilty to talk to his parents….i know i should porbably be sitting there but to be honest i dont know if I would be able to keep my mouth shut…im just so hurt and bothered by all their actions. They think i am cheap so i dont want to say anything about the quartet, and i have hinted TONS about this “we are doing our own thing” fiasco and they dont care and its deff. FHs responsibilty to talk to his parents about the money….do you think i should go?
Post # 3
Personally, I would go and I would say something. You are part of this wedding and you are going to be part of this family…if you let things go now, it will be much harder to address issues in the future. I am speaking only from my experience of my husband and I keeping quiet about issues with his mom during the planning process, and how hard it still is to address issues with her-after the wedding! She doesnt count my opinion or feelings into any of her actions or words, and I wish now that I had spoken up about things many months ago, just to show her that I do have a backbone!
At the same time, it sounds like your FI has stood up to his family about you before, and that is WONDERFUL. So while you may not want to say anything at the meeting tonight (I still think you should go) I think you and your FI should be on the same page with everything so he can do the majority of the speaking if that is what you feel more comfortable with.
From my experience, being passive to “keep the peace” only seems to mess things up worse in the long run…
Post # 4
Thanks for that.
I have decided to go…and lets be honest here…i will probably say something even if i dont want to 🙂 I agree with you though about saying something now so i dont get tramppled on for years to come…i just dont want to be a pain in the ass and annoying I really want them to like me you know!?
Post # 5
Being polite doesn’t mean being silent.
I’d keep it polite, especially since it’s their money. Just be open and honest….we are thinking about nixing the quartet because we had to dip into a bank account that we didn’t want to.
You can even say I’m hurt about being excluded and I would like to use the wedding as a chance to get to know his side of the family but it might not be wise to say I think you guys are freaking A$$holes and how could you think of excluding me, I’m the bride and about to be his freaking wife you self-centered morons. Plan ahead so the latter doesn’t come out, even if it’s what you’re thinking.
Post # 6
I would also say something. It is your wedding and you should know all the details, plus you will probably be in suspense all night wondering what was going on, at least this way you can be prepared.
Post # 7
@troubled….are you sure i cant say that??? *laugh* you totally just made my day though..i laughed out loud (and naturally im at work…so akward).
Im sure things will be fine…atleast i hope it does. FH knows EXACTLY what i think (poor guy) so im going to get him to do the talking and i will just pipe in when needed 🙂 (atleast thats the plan). You see…they also think im really cheap, so they think i dont want the quertet soley for money reasons….but its also cause…well i dont WANT one! *laugh*