- 4 years ago
I have just recently posted a question regarding my dh need to go out, and you responses made me to bring another issue I have encountered in my marriage life.
I have been with my dh for almost 4 years and we are married for almost 2 years. As he used to go out quite a lot before (with colleagues and friends), there were some anger problems, cases of his weird behavior and a sort of a verbal abuse. It didn’t happen each time he was drunk but it definitely raised an alarm for me.
For example, several times he got drunk, he would punch walls or throw his work bag on the street (this happened around two years ago). One time we had a huge argument when he was drunk, and he almost jumped towards the train that just started to move (2.5 years ago).
If we speak about verbal abuse, one day he called me drunk after drinking with colleagues, and told me that one of his female colleagues was drunk and asked whether it was ok to bring her to our apartment. I said no (since we lived in one room apartment, I didn’t know this person etc) and his response was: “You are not human being! XXXX off”, and then he dropped the phone. He ignored my calls for 30 minutes and when I finally reached him, he was riding a train with her to the closest station where she could get a taxi.
Another time, it just happened around 4 months ago, we went out with friends to a festival, everybody was quite tipsy and drunk, and in the evening one of our friends invited us to continue partying at their house. Couple of hours later I told my husband I was super tired, already getting sober and asked to go home (we were out from 10.00 am till 22.00 pm all day partying). He clearly didn’t want to leave yet but after me asking him a couple of times, he agreed to go home. On a way to the station, everything seemed to be fine, and when I asked him something… His response was something like “shut your mouth” (but in more rude form). Then we had a fight. In all these cases, the next day he told me sorry, telling that he was drunk and that he couldn’t understand why he told me these horrible things or did such stupid actions.
What I found out recently is that he used to take off his clothes and stay only in underwear when drinking with colleagues in private karaoke rooms (we live in Japan, we are not Japanese). After I saw photos, he told me that last time it happened was over a year ago and that he was foolish and he understands it was unacceptable.
Do you think he has some sort of anger problems? Or, any problems with alcohol or temper? Would you be alarmed if your dh did something similar, or do you think he did all these things just because of bubbles in his head? What would you do in my situation? It would be really helpful to know your opinions.
As a side note, we have just recently started marriage counselling and I am yet to tell whether it brings any benefits.