(Closed) alcoholic at a drinks reception. how do i tell her no drink?

posted 7 years ago in Food
Post # 3
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We’re doing color coded bands so the bartenders know what to give to whom. Give her the teen band. But you’re a bride not a babysitter and she’s an adult…in the end she’ll do what she will, nothing prevents her from flasking it up.

 

Post # 5
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Depends on how she will take it if you confront her, but I would tell another friend to keep an eye on her for the night.  I think the color coded wristbands is also a good idea!

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

does she know her limit, or will she still drink if given the opportunity?
if she knows her limit, I don’t know if there is a good way to babysit her. even if you give her a different colored band she may get upset nad cause a scene anyway (if it’s at all obvious why you gave her that instead of the regular drink tickets)

Post # 8
Member
11420 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@almost mrs: This likely will not be your chosen solution.  However, I just wanted to note that the question you are raising is one of the primary reasons Darling Husband and I chose not to serve alcohol (other than a single, small glass of champagne, which we offered as a choice, along with sparkling cider, for the toast at our wedding. This was offered before dinner but after our non-alcoholic “cocktail” hour, during which we served a lot of heavy hors d’oeuvres.)

Although many people do not have drinking problems and do not abuse or misuse alcohol and are able to have a glass of wine or a beer and would be responsible enough to designate a driver even after one drink, there definitely are people who will drink to excess at a wedding. Once that happens, they become dangerous to themselves and others, and not just on the road.  Many people with drinking problems have medical conditions that could become worsened by alcohol use, or they become angry or violent or behave in very inappropriate ways, etc. We did not want to assume responsibility for anyone misusing a controlled, dangerous substance at our wedding. Since there is no polite manner in which to monitor the use of alcohol by one’s guests, we instead chose to put that money into our amazing food. 

Post # 9
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think your intention is nice, but you don’t need to put her on the spot like that. She’s an adult and can make the decision on her own. As it should be if she has a problem with it. If you have a problem with a scene she caused at a previous event, kindly remind her that you don’t want a repeat of that event. Now whether that be from you, your Fiance or even her partner, or maybe all together! But remember not to attack. 

My father is a recovering alcoholic (going on 5years) and people were including him all night in “group shots” but knew to hand him an apple cider or non-alcoholic shot. It really made me happy that no one embarrassed him or made a big deal of his choosing not to drink. 

Or simply is there any way to avoid inviting this guest? 

Best of Luck!

Post # 11
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You mentioned that she’s close family to your FI’s family so can his mom/dad/FSIL talk to this guest about it privately about the concerns?

Post # 12
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oops just saw your latest post come up after mine posted. Maybe have your Future Father-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law talk to her? Or maybe ask your Future Sister-In-Law very nicely to keep tabs on her and take her outside to calm down when she starts acting up.

 

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unless she’s choosing not to drink I don’t think it’s your place to tell her she’s not allowed to drink. I think the only way around this is to maybe have a talk generally how you hope there will be no scenes and then maybe have someone watch her and the minute she’s about to make a scene they take her out and then someone else can deal with her. I can’t imagine she won’t make a scene once she sees she’s being treated differently than other adults.

Post # 14
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsConnick: Yeah that won’t go well. 

I think the only thing you can do is have a talk with her ahead of time, and make sure you have security that is ready to take anyone out who is causing a scene.  Also it might help to enlist the help of your Future Father-In-Law.  

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!  

Post # 15
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

Does she know she’s an alcoholic?

If she’s already in recovery or controlling her addiction, you should be able to tell her in advance that you’re restricting her alcohol at the wedding. Buuut, if she’s in denial she might make a scene. I know you don’t want to enable her, but if she doesn’t see her drinking as a problem you won’t be able to stop it this easily.

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