Post # 1
me and Fiance are paying for 4 drinks for each guest one of our guests has a problem with drink so we have bought her the non alcoholic version that we bought the non drinkers and teens. how do we tell her that she won’t be having the alcohol without causing a scene?
Post # 3
We’re doing color coded bands so the bartenders know what to give to whom. Give her the teen band. But you’re a bride not a babysitter and she’s an adult…in the end she’ll do what she will, nothing prevents her from flasking it up.
Post # 4
no doubt she will but I won’t encourage her by paying for it, she cant have one drink without getting over emotional and causing a scene and my venue will remove her but she is close family to my Fiance so i don’t want that, I like your coded bands idea
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Depends on how she will take it if you confront her, but I would tell another friend to keep an eye on her for the night. I think the color coded wristbands is also a good idea!
Post # 6
does she know her limit, or will she still drink if given the opportunity?
if she knows her limit, I don’t know if there is a good way to babysit her. even if you give her a different colored band she may get upset nad cause a scene anyway (if it’s at all obvious why you gave her that instead of the regular drink tickets)
Post # 7
Her limit is a small glass of wine. she had two drinks at Future Sister-In-Law wedding last year and caused a huge scene crying and falling down etc my Future Sister-In-Law was furious. I wanted my Fiance to talk to her and explain before the wedding but he is useless at that sort of thing and she does not like me so I think she will take it bad either way thats why i need advice
Post # 8
@almost mrs: This likely will not be your chosen solution. However, I just wanted to note that the question you are raising is one of the primary reasons Darling Husband and I chose not to serve alcohol (other than a single, small glass of champagne, which we offered as a choice, along with sparkling cider, for the toast at our wedding. This was offered before dinner but after our non-alcoholic “cocktail” hour, during which we served a lot of heavy hors d’oeuvres.)
Although many people do not have drinking problems and do not abuse or misuse alcohol and are able to have a glass of wine or a beer and would be responsible enough to designate a driver even after one drink, there definitely are people who will drink to excess at a wedding. Once that happens, they become dangerous to themselves and others, and not just on the road. Many people with drinking problems have medical conditions that could become worsened by alcohol use, or they become angry or violent or behave in very inappropriate ways, etc. We did not want to assume responsibility for anyone misusing a controlled, dangerous substance at our wedding. Since there is no polite manner in which to monitor the use of alcohol by one’s guests, we instead chose to put that money into our amazing food.
Post # 9
I think your intention is nice, but you don’t need to put her on the spot like that. She’s an adult and can make the decision on her own. As it should be if she has a problem with it. If you have a problem with a scene she caused at a previous event, kindly remind her that you don’t want a repeat of that event. Now whether that be from you, your Fiance or even her partner, or maybe all together! But remember not to attack.
My father is a recovering alcoholic (going on 5years) and people were including him all night in “group shots” but knew to hand him an apple cider or non-alcoholic shot. It really made me happy that no one embarrassed him or made a big deal of his choosing not to drink.
Or simply is there any way to avoid inviting this guest?
Best of Luck!
Post # 10
There is no way to avoid inviting her. She is my Future Mother-In-Law, as you said you gave your father non alcoholic drinks that is what I am trying to do here. but she is the type to make a scene about things. If she buys a drink from the bar there is nothing I can do about that, but I don’t want to encourage an addiction by supplying her booze
Post # 11
You mentioned that she’s close family to your FI’s family so can his mom/dad/FSIL talk to this guest about it privately about the concerns?
Post # 12
Oops just saw your latest post come up after mine posted. Maybe have your Future Father-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law talk to her? Or maybe ask your Future Sister-In-Law very nicely to keep tabs on her and take her outside to calm down when she starts acting up.
Post # 13
Unless she’s choosing not to drink I don’t think it’s your place to tell her she’s not allowed to drink. I think the only way around this is to maybe have a talk generally how you hope there will be no scenes and then maybe have someone watch her and the minute she’s about to make a scene they take her out and then someone else can deal with her. I can’t imagine she won’t make a scene once she sees she’s being treated differently than other adults.
Post # 14
@MrsConnick: Yeah that won’t go well.
I think the only thing you can do is have a talk with her ahead of time, and make sure you have security that is ready to take anyone out who is causing a scene. Also it might help to enlist the help of your Future Father-In-Law.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
Does she know she’s an alcoholic?
If she’s already in recovery or controlling her addiction, you should be able to tell her in advance that you’re restricting her alcohol at the wedding. Buuut, if she’s in denial she might make a scene. I know you don’t want to enable her, but if she doesn’t see her drinking as a problem you won’t be able to stop it this easily.
Post # 16
she knows she has a drinking problem she did stop drinking but it didn’t last (a month t total was all she could manage) I think she is in denial now though she says she wont drink again then drinks herself into a stooper. since “quitting” drinking, she has been arrested for being drunk and disorderly whilst babysitting a 2 year old, and been found so drunk she fell unconcious and was found by my Future Sister-In-Law and Fiance on a day they were taking the children to see her.(so the children saw this too)
This shows she will not stay sober just because she knows she should
@mrsprof I already said I know i cannot stop her drinking full stop but i can say I wont buy her drinks. I see it as the same as supplying an addict.
Its not like she will be the only adult not drinking so it won’t be very noticable to the other guests, my mum doesnt drink and has asked for a non alcoholic drinks package, my best friends Fiance doesn’t drink so he will be having the non alcohol package, and some of the older guests will not be drinking due to medical conditions.
Also she has not been with Future Father-In-Law for 15 years so no help there unfortunately