(Closed) Alcoholic Best Friend & Unofficial Maid of Honor – What would you do?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?
    Call A&E - Intervention Time! : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Ditch that friendship and move on. : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Continue to support her without enabling her. : (18 votes)
    90 %
    Other (please explain). : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    1432 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    mswest323:  Welcome!

    I’m sorry that you have to worry about a good friend of yours while you’re planning your wedding – it’s stressful enough.  Do you discuss your feelings with her a lot?  You said that she knows she has a problem.  Is this because you’ve brought up your concerns to her?  Do other people acknowledge her problem?  Is her alcohol abuse bad enough to lead you to coordinating an intervention?

    I think that it would be really nice of you to try to support her if she works on her problem, especially if she’s a good friend and is supportive of you and your life events.  But if you continually express your concerns to her and she does nothing about it, I think that you are entitled to distance yourself from her, because it’s upsetting you so much.  In fact, it might be the catalyst that causes her to change her ways.

    I don’t have much experience with this, so it’s just my opinion.  But I think that if you’ve told her how her actions make you feel, and she does nothing to change her behaviours, then you should protect yourself and your relationship with your husband by distancing yourself.

    Good luck 🙂

    Post # 4
    2579 posts
    Sugar bee

    mswest323:  ahhh such a tough situation..

    well 1. Intervention show was cancelled so no A&E 🙁

    I know you mentioned her family wouldn’t be interested in helping, but do you guys share mutual friends who are concerned for her? or anyone else in her life? 

    Sometimes it is hard for people to change because they are comfortable and have not hit their bottom yet. Can she hold down a job? Does she support herself? including paying for the alcohol? Or are there others enabling her?

    I know she admitted she had a problem, but does she admit she actually wants to change or does she just say she *knows* she should change? 

    AA doesn’t work for everyone – but there are a lot of different groups that aren’t AA, although i am sure it follows similar steps. Doesn’t hurt to look into them, maybe she would find another she likes. 


    If she is not willing and you expressing your concerns doesn’t help, than all you can do is let her know you will be here to help when she is ready to change. You can still be her friend, but it might be best to distance yourself a little, especially if she causes drama between you and your new H. 

    Post # 5
    4949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    mswest323:   Have you been to AA?   Seems to me there would be a wealth of information from the attendees on what might have helped them – or what did help them – to decide to attend the meetings.   Even if she doesn’t return to AA you might learn a great deal.  Just a thought.  


    Post # 8
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    mswest323:  You sound like a very good friend. You’re not judging her, and not making it about you which is fantastic. I’d expect a bridezilla to be mainly concerned about this girl ruining your wedding but you’re obviously way more concerned about her and her health and life. Good on you. From what I’ve learned alcoholics will only stop when they themselves choose to. You can’t make them sadly so interventions are only so helpful. They have to want to stop and choose to stop and not lie to themselves or anyone else about it. Until she does this I advise be there for her, try to manage it and like your poll said don’t enable her. You’re a good friend.

    Post # 9
    3026 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    There’s nothing you can do but stand by her when/if she ever decides to get her life together. And there is no guarantee that she will do that. I don’t think you should distance yourself from her; but don’t enable her either. When she’s on a bender, stay away (or take her to emergency if needed). That’s really all you can do.

    Personally I wouldn’t distance myself from her b/c of her love-life. This girl has SERIOUS issues aside from just the alcoholism stemming from abuse and who knows what else in her childhood. She is making decisions because of poor self-esteem and addiction, rather than lack of moral fiber.

    I think the idea of going to al-anon is great! You sound like an excellent friend, by the way. I’m glad you AND your Fiance can see the wonderful side of her despite her disease. 😀

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