(Closed) Alcoholic Father

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Why not have an early wedding? If you have it earlier in the day, the parentals will have less time to get into trouble..

Post # 4
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him, either he comes sober or not at all. Maybe it will be motivating for him?
Obviously I don’t know the depth of the situation so this may be a bad idea.
But its all I got. I hope it helps.

Post # 5
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry you’re having so much anxiety at the very start of your wedding planning process. It’s so tough when someone has a problem, but I think it’s even tougher to deal with enablers. They will defend the person with the problem come hell or highwater.

Do you think you could discuss your concerns with them without having them blow up and play the victim? Maybe it would be some kind of wakeup call as to exactly how strained they have allowed their relationship with you, their daughter, to become?

Post # 6
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

how about one intimate wedding celebration without your parents, and then just a more casual dinner/picnic/brunch/whatever celebration with your parents included?

of course i don’t know all the details, but it sounds like they have not really stepped up to the plate and behaved responsibly at major life events. i know this is a bit harsh, but i don’t think you should feel guilty for excluding them from an important event that you would like to remember without stress and emotional difficulty.

then you could have a follow-up, super casual get-together that involves them, where you don’t do much planning and they can do what they like, and you’re not as invested because you’ve already had your special event.

Post # 8
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

#1 Can you ask him not to drink?

#2 Don’t have alcohol at the wedding…that makes it easier to tell him he can’t drink and to tell him to leave if he is drunk.

#3 Have another large, male relative keep an eye on him? That way, he can ask him to go if it getsout of hand.

 

Post # 9
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I posted before I saw your most recent post. I have a suggestions you might not like, but I feel strongly about alcoholism and druf addiction as my family has a lot of issues with addiction and abuse.

I suggest that you tell him that you only want him at the wedding if he will seek treatment (a therapist, AA, doctor, rehab…whatever works for him) and be sober at the event.

Tell him that you need him as a father and love him but that if he is going to be drunk, he is no good to you anyways. Tell him you are doing this out of love for him even though he may not understand, but that you don’t want an alcoholic in your life or your childrens lives in the future.

I hope that doesn’t sound to harsh, but it’s what a psychologist told me was the right thing to do when I was dealing with an addicted relative. You may want to seek the advice of a therapist on this one as well, someone with experience in alcoholism.

Addiction follows patterns, so it is predictable and can be manipulated.

As long as there are enablers close to the person, they WILL NEVER stop. And neither will the destruction.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.

Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Good advice, coffee kitty. I’m a fan of this method of giving clear consequences – you do X, then Y happens. Even if it’s hard, it’s worth doing.

Post # 11
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am so sorry to hear about how you have been affected by someone else’s alcoholism. There is a 12 Step program called Al-anon for families and friends of alcoholics. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/S17web.html

 

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