- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Everything is a mess in my FH family. I feel very sad for him but also sometimes I just get selfish and feel bad for myself having to deal with his family. His stepfather and younger brother are both in jail, his mother is an alcoholic.
She has always been an alcoholic and his stepfather has always supported her and the kids (he has two half brothers). He was lucky enough to have been raised mostly by his grandmother until he was about 12 and then he moved across the country as soon as he turned 18.
My fiance is not perfect but he is an amzing person especially considering the background he came from. He is kind, humble, gently and a successful business owner all on his own. He loves his family despite their shortcomings and has always sent them money and helped them despite them constantly taking advantage of him.
The last time we visited the area he gave his mom some money and she went and bought a bottle. At that point I realized he can absolutely never give her money until she is clean and sober.
The problem is that she knew that her husband was going to jail and never changed, never tried to get a job or quit drinking. She is a binge type of alcoholic so it is not like she can’t function without alcohol she just turns to it any chance she gets. She uses everyone in her life. She has 9 brothers and sisters and not one of them will help or talk to her because she uses people and constantly tries to give them guilt trips. Her perspective is woe is me all the time.
My fiance has one little brother who is doing fairly well but the mother is drinking constantly and they are getting evicted very soon. They have been told they can get public housing assistance but never found a place that fit the requirements. Now my FH wants to move his brother out here with us. I like his younger brother okay but I can’t help but feel extremely disappointed that it won’t be me and my husband when we get married. I can deal with it, but what I can’t deal with is my FH being sad everytime he thinks or talks to his mom.
We both agreed it isn’t a good idea to give her money and he doesn’t want to pay for her lifestyle and enable her but he feels so guilty that he is sad often.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to advise him without sounding or being selfish.
Has any bees here had to deal with an alcoholic parent? Advice is appreciated.