(Closed) Alcoholic Parent

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this situation.  Why won’t your grandfather come if your mother is not there, does he not know that she has a problem?  If after having an honest conversation with your grandfather about why you don’t want your mother to attend and he still insists upon it then you might want to think about not having him there as well.  It seems odd that your grandfather would want your mother to attend even though she is not really present in your life, it sounds like he is a bit of an enabeler. 

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Okay. I would think about the things you can do instead of focusing too much on all the what ifs. First I would just accept that mom is not going to help do wedding related things. If you decide to invite her I would have a conversation with her that you are concerned about her behavior and hope that for the sake of the occassion she can pull it together. If your grandfather won’t come if she isn’t invited, that is his choice. If you decide to oblige him in his demand I would have a conversation with him about your expectations of the day. Like if she creates a scene suggest he be the one to help handle it.

I hope you can negotiate this conflict. good luck

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have to totally agree with Bamboo. If he wants her there so bad he should be responsible for her and her actions, if she gets out of control guess who gets to take her home, Grandpa

Best of luck to you, if at all it gets too stressfull ask them both not too come, that day is for you and your future husband noone should take that away from you.

Post # 6
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

hey there, sorry to hear about this….

i would talk to your gpa about it, about all of your concerns…if he still insists that she is there, then yea, i agree with the other ladies, make sure gpa is responsible for her…also, MAKE HIM AGREE TO KEEPING HER SOBER THE ENTIRE DAY (since he wants her there so bad.) No alcohol (or drugs) before the wedding, no flask at the ceremony, and no drinking at the reception. Definitely point her out to the bartender and make sure she gets served no alcohol whatsoever….

Its alot to do, but you can enlist the help of your Wedding Party and other family members as well to make sure she stays sober that day…

I dunno, maybe thats overkill? I am so sorry about this!!!

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

wow…so now i can see you are feeling guilt from your gpa, since he is sick…..i am not sure what to say…i know its family, but at the end of the day, this is your day and you want it perfect, and if you dont think your mom can pull it together for you….i am just not sure what to say.

is there anyone else in your fam that is close to her to keep a watchful eye on her?  have you tried having a heart to heart with her about your expectations of her for your wedding day?

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Awww I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through.  Soon2BeMrsCLW3 has given you some great ideas, even tho it’s a lot.  I know this is a lot for you, maybe you can sit her down,  talk to her and have her only come to the wedding….no reception.

Post # 11
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mother is the same way, so I feel your pain very personally. Both of my parents are like this actually. I hired a bartender for the day, and they will be told before-hand not to give either of my parents more than 1 drink per hour, period. I told them why and they are very used to this and have no problem being the bad guys. I recommend something like this, and push the responsibility onto the bartender. You can just say that they have their own policies, sorry, change subject etc.

With the drugs and behavior theres not much you can do. I wish I could give more helpful advice, but I also am struggling with this and know that while I wish I could-I can’t not invite my parents. If your grandpa will only attend if mom does then just do your best and hope for the best. A very frank discussion is also in order, I will be having one with my parents too.

Hugs and best of luck!

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