Post # 1
Hi me and my fiancé have been together for 3 years and engaged for nearly a year.
A couple of months ago my fiancés sister got engaged to her boyfriend. They have only been together 6 months.
When they first got engaged they asked when we were thinking of having our wedding (April 2016 as going abroad). They said they would have theirs after ours originally December 2016 then this changed to November 2016 and now they have booked it for November 2015 !
I am trying to not let it bother me, but everything is now all about them and their wedding, his family weren’t very interested/supportive when we were looking at venues over here. But don’t stop talking about stuff with them and asking loads of questions
Also my fiancés mum was complaining we hadn’t invited her to any wedding shows so me and my fiancé invited her with us. All she did as soon as she got there was go up to each vendor saying “oh my daughters getting married next year’ nothing about us or our wedding!!
The whole thing is just getting me down as her and my fiancés family can be quite opinionated and I don’t want everyone comparing the 2 weddings and I don’t want it to all be the same. Is that bad to say?
Post # 2
Regardless of how long they have been together, I don’t think you can expect them to get married after you considering you are waiting until April 2016.
Also, it is their daughter getting married, which is a little different from a son. Traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding, so they are probably more interested in the specifics of the daughters wedding, especially if it is going to be 5 months before yours.
Post # 3
I doubt that your weddings will be compared. I’m sure they will be completely different as they are being planned by two different brides. Unless you and your FSIL love all the same things, you don’t have to worry so much. And in all reality, how many of the same people do you expect to attend both? You have your family and your own set of friends who will attend.
I think it’s irrational to expect someone to wait to get married until after you do just because you don’t want your wedding compared to theirs.
Post # 4
your weddimgs will be half a year apart. No one will remember the first one lomg enough to compare it to the second one.
Post # 5
Your weddings are at least a year away, and will be a year apart. Where is the problem? I don’t think anyone actually compares weddings — Have you ever done it? I do not know anyone who has ever said “So and so’s wedding was better!” Or “So and so had that at their wedding first!” I think it’s one of those things people are “afraid of” but it never actually happens. Even if someone does compare weddings, so what? Are you having a wedding so you can be the event of the century, or are you having it so you can marry a person you love?
Post # 6
If they’re opinionated, why do you want their interest in your wedding? It’s likely they’ll have an opinion about everything you choose. Relax, and plan your wedding how you want it to be while they’re distracted.
Post # 7
My brother and I both got married this year (2 months apart) – actually, his is two weekends from now.
My parents were INFINITELY more interested in my wedding. They hosted my wedding, and they are not hosting my brothers. Sometimes that’s just the way of the world. Especially if people feel traditionally about parents of the bride vs. parents of the groom roles. Whether that’s right or wrong, that’s the way it is sometimes.
Also, with your wedding date so far out, scores of people are going to get engaged and married before you do.
Post # 8
OP I can imagine why it can be frustrating to have so much emphasis on your FSIL’s wedding right now. Like others have said, when yours comes around hers will be long over and everyone will just enjoy yours. Perhaps just spend more time with your family – I am sure they will want to focus on your wedding.
When i I was wedding planning my FMIL wanted to take me to wedding shows, dress shopping, etc, and said “it is good practice for when FSIL gets married”. FSIL was not even in a relationship at that time, and still is not in a relationship.
Also, when I was with FI’s family, they would make it all about FSIL because she felt that our relationship called attention to her singleness. my fils would be all about how someday FSIL’s man would come on a white horse, eTC.
I just had to be content with the fact that that’s how it was, and just enjoy the fact that my family was able to celebrate along side us. I knew that ultimately FI’s family was happy for Us, but obvi they were always going to be more focused on keeping FSIL happy than anything else.
Post # 9
I feel you OP. My husband and I dated for three years and my SIL got engaged after 6 months of dating and got married 10 weeks before us.
At first I was put-off/annoyed, but everyone was supportive from all sides and really, there’s no limit on how much happiness there is to go around. 🙂
My In-Laws happiness about my SIL getting married didn’t make them any less happy for us. It will all be ok and you’ll be married to your love. 🙂 But vent away here anyway- that’s what we’re here for!
Post # 10
I think you’ve received good advice so far. I can understand feeling like the spotlight is off of you two and will always be on FSIL now. Just remember that their engagement is new and there’s a lot of excitement around it right now, but that doesn’t mean people will be less excited for YOUR wedding.
Post # 11
I think having a son getting married is just different than a daughter. There is still that tradition that the brides family does more of the planning. My husband’s family weren’t super into planning our wedding, but I’m sure if my sister in law got engaged they would be all into it.
However on the flip side, most families have more fun at their sons wedding than daughters since there is less stress involved. It’s definitely a bit old fashion, but I think many of us feel that. People will have a great time at your wedding.