(Closed) All I can do is sigh…. (sorry, long vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

 

Aww girl, you need to do something, cheap, for yourself!  Treat yourself to a make over or something fun to relax…. Don’t compare—something that seem perfect from a-far are a mess in reality.  Good luck for a better 2010.

Post # 5
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) Sunday marks my 29 1/2 year mark. I truly understand where you are coming from. I try not to think about the fact that 5 years ago I made twice what most people twice my age make and currently I am a pauper. But I will tell you to aks yourself what I ask myself. Are you happy.  Would you trade where you are now for being somewhere else with someone else?  If things were different you wouldn’t be with your honey and it sounds that you love him. I definitely say that perhaps you should give him a definite talk and let him know that you want to be married and ask him if he sees y’all married and when.  We aren’t spring chickens anymore (lmao borrowed from M) and we deserve to know that our relationships are on the same page, you know?  as far as your debt and credit, maybe it was something that happened in 1980 because my credit has severely suffered and i look back and think to myself HOW STUPID was i not to have paid everything off when i was making all of that money?! now that i have started my business i see and understand things a lot differently and that’s what the last year of our 20s should be about you know, reflection and the end of a chapter to a book.

Our new chapters will be wonderful and fun and thirty. We’ll get to look like we did in our 20s but be smarter and sexier and more confident.

eta oh yeah we’ll also more than likely get married in our 30s and how cool is that?! i get to wear a fun sexy dress and not hear my mom tell me I should be Cinderella.

Post # 6
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@ crebre – Our new chapters will be wonderful and fun and thirty. We’ll get to look like we did in our 20s but be smarter and sexier and more confident.

I love that! I’m at the 29 1/2 mark right now also πŸ™‚ but as 30 looms ahead, I will remember your words! πŸ™‚

@ Jaxx – It sounds like you have a lot of great things going on in your life right now, but I do understand the not feeling fulfilled or “grown up” yet. Once upon a very short time ago, I felt the EXACT same way, so reading this was like reading an old journal entry of my own that I never got around to writing LOL. You WILL get to where you want to be. You sound very driven & intelligent, and it sounds like you are advancing in your career in spite of the fact that you haven’t finished your masters program. The fact of the matter is, it is very hard to go to school & have a full-time job, especially a demanding one. As far as money issues go, I hear you. Just last year, my credit finally became good again after many years of paying for mistakes I made when I was younger. It is a hard thing to deal with, but it does pass eventually. Just do the best you can, pay WHAT you can & that’s all you can do when it comes to bills. Now, here’s my favorite part of what you wrote:

My Boyfriend or Best Friend is a day-by-day person, which works in general, but it’s not working for me anymore.

I loved this. I too, am a planner. I like to feel as if I am moving TOWARDS something, not stuck in the concrete like a streetlight on the side of the highway of life. In my situation, it’s not so much that I was waiting for him to grow up, as I was just waiting for him to do something at all. Mine too, is day-by-day, and I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing more frustrating than THAT. Have a talk with him. A serious talk so he will know you mean business. Life is not stationary & people grow. You are growing & advancing in other areas of your life & you need to know if he wants to come along. I believe he loves you, you all have been together for quite awhile. Definately time to advance in your relationship, especially since you are feeling stuck in a rut.

Good luck to you & keep us posted. I hope you get everything you want out of life!

Post # 8
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@Jaxx – dang girl! You have a lot going on. πŸ™ I’m sorry. I can relate – I’m 32, working to pay off debt, still in school, working 50 hours a week and feel like I’m no more ahead of the game than I was at 22. I always thought that being in your 30’s automatically meant that life got easier, things become clearer, money came in abundance, jobs were better, etc. The thing is, it’s just an age and it doesn’t change anything. I am in school with people that are in their 50’s and 60’s that are in the same boat – so, you have to give yourself credit where credit is due – you have an undergrad degree, a good job, a loving man, and you CARE about this stuff now – you aren’t waiting until your 50’s and 60’s to worry about life taking care of itself – you know that you have to take care of life. That’s a good start! πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Lol, well I’m right there with you! Having to do the same things… it’s no fun, no fun at all!

Post # 11
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t really have any advice but just want you to know that there are times when I feel like that too. For a long time, a was a 21 year old with a baby living in her parents’ upstairs, making no money per hour and trying to go to school. Life likes to throw you crap cards sometimes, but you just have to make the best and do what you can. Take one thing at a time. As for your bills. Just focus on one. I’m up to my eyeballs in debt, but I am just trying to focus on paying one off at a time. Make minimun payments on the others, pay a little extra on this one. I hope things get better for you and you start to feel better. I hate when people are down and I can’t do anything for them *hugs*

Post # 12
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ Jaxx – hi, i never usually comment on things like this but i felt like maybe i would offer a different perspective. It seems like you have a lot going on and while it may get crazy at times I think it’s important that you value the right now, enjoy what you have now, enjoy your time with your boyfriend, that you have a good job or rather a job at all as many ppl unfortunately dont have one right now. That you’re smart and are completing your masters, that you live in a nice place etc etc. And honestly I think being miserable about not being engaged or getting married is not going to get you anywhere. Maybe you should sit down and have a lengthy conversation with your bf about your status. If after 4 years he’s not ready to marry you then maybe it’s time to move on. Complaining and whining about how everyone else has it together isn’t going to solve anything. Everyone else that you THINK might have it together may actually not. So I say be thankful for what you have and talk to your bf about getting married, a serious conversation.

Post # 14
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

As a 32 year old (yes that old) with lots of ties to NY, I can tell you that the majority of women in metropolitan areas are not married and in periods of transition in their careers.  In the mid west and south, people tend to settle down a little earlier.  You should not be getting flustered at being single with a budding career at this point at all!  I was alone at 30, in a unfulfilling job, and starting my MBA- and things have moved forward quite nicely in the past 2.5 years so give yourself a pat on the back for how far you have come!

Is there a masters program you can transfer to that is more acommodating to working professionals? Brooklyn has many universities in the vicinty.  Understand that balancing life, school and work is not easy so there are some things that will have to give such as laundry. I spent my entire MBA program with laundry not put away and a messy house.

As for the boy, I think 4 years is plenty of time for him to make up his mind. He needs to sh*t or get off the pot. He is comfortable living with you and is not motivated to progress the relationship.  A man is more likely to chase a woman that is running away from him than towards him. Start having more of a social life without him. Reunite with old friends, make new ones at school or other activities. Make a future plan that does not include him such as moving to a new city, and see how he works to now fit himself into your future. The engagement should come from his heart because he wants to be with you not from pressure or talk. If he feels you are escaping then he is no longer comfortable, he will realize he needs to take action.  I personally feel men respond better to action not “talks”   I love and would recommend the book “why men marry bitches”

I feel like you need more support and would be happier if you expanded your social circle.  Friends are very important so call that long lost buddy and meet for coffee. It’s necessary for your mental health and well being, you will be a happier and more productive person for it.

Post # 16
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I know you said that not enrolling in classes this semester reactivated your student loan payments, and that you also are in limbo with the internship.  Have you talked to your employer about taking a sabbatical so that you can finish the internship?  I’d take a hard look at the costs and benefits of finishing the masters degree – is it a guaranteed promotion, a necessary step in your career, or could future employers take it or leave it?  If finishing the masters is a must for you, then I would prioritize it and accrue a little more in student loans if necessary to see it to completion.

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