(Closed) All my friends got engaged after us and marry before we do

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

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brrrride:  hey, if they all get married before you, eventually all their wedding talk will be done and you’ll only have yours left to talk about. Plus the two of you will have married friends to spend time with, instead of friends who are still single and don’t understand the change marriage brings.

Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would keep your plans a little under wraps and since your wedding is far away maybe consider getting another dress since by the time you are nearer to your own wedding there will be all new dress collections and trends that may influence what you want at that time. You can’t expect all your friends to be excited for two years planning up to your wedding either. Let them have their time and by the time it’s your turn you’ll get lots of good advice for your own wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Comparison is the thief of joy. Are you really upset that others are getting married before you? All I can pick up from your post, is that you are upset that people aren’t bowing down and giving you the attention that you believe you are entitled to. 

My advice, take the time to work on yourself and making you and your fiances life more enriched, and stop comparing and complaining about what others are doing, it’s toxic to you, to your fiancé, and your relationship. You gotta take off that princess tiara and get out of the sandbox, grow up, and make an effort to be happy, instead of pouting and saying everyone else gets all the happiness and joy. 

Post # 5
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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brrrride:  Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it not special. Lots of people get married, but you are the one getting married to your fiancé. 

Post # 6
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes you are being childish. The number one sign of that is you think people stole wedding ideas off you (it has all been done before- nothing is your idea) and that you are upset that they are buying a “similar” dress style. All wedding dresses in a style look alike and you don’t get to lay claim to a style. Our friends are usually similar to us which is why we get along with them so it shouldn’t be shocking that you have the same taste in products.

You need to get your jealousy, envy and mememe attitude under control. They have done zero wrong.

Post # 7
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You need to massively adjust your attitude here, I’m sorry. “Well it’s nothing special, everyone is doing it”?? Yeah, that’s true. Tons of people get married. Every single day. If your wedding isn’t special to you because other people also get married, you have some issues to work through.

Sorry if this is harsh. It sounds like you have this idea in your mind that you get everyone’s attention on your wedding for the length of your engagement, and that’s what’s causing your disappointment. You need to stop being concerned with what other people are doing. Everyone reaches a point in their lives where suddenly all of their friends are settling down and getting married. Sounds like this is it for you. Be happy for them and be happy for your own wedding. What would you think if one of your friends were complaining that your engagement and wedding planning were ruining her wedding experience? It’s absurd.

Post # 8
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

When you’re celebrating your 20th wedding anniversary I don’t think your going to care if friends of yours got married a short time before you. 

Get some perspective. A colour scheme or wedding theme, candy buffet, personalised water bottles, chalkboard signs, wedding hash tag, cigar buffet, vintage shabby chic etc… Doesn’t make the marriage. 

Post # 9
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

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GreenGables:  THIS +1 000 000!!!!! Couldn’t have said it better!!! 

Post # 10
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Also, when I got married none of my friends were engaged or getting married. You know what? You still can’t talk about your wedding all the time because nobody is going to be excited as you are. At least you have people who you are going through the same thing, you can chat away about all weddings. You can sympathise about the stress of wedding planning and share tips.

Nobody will remember if you’ve had a similar colour or theme to any of the other weddings and nobody will notice the same dress, let alone a similar one. Yes all wedding dresses look similar, my wedding dress wasn’t an overly popular style but my work still bought a wedding card for us with more or less my exact dress on the front (despite never having seen my dress). At the end of the day it’s you who makes the dresses different, your hair, your makeup. Go through some of the dress twin threads on here and you’ll see that the same dress looks different in different women. It will not make your day less. It will not make you feel less and if it does it’s something you need to find within yourself.

Post # 11
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

I’d have fun with it. It’s fun to see close friends find the right person and celebrate with them. We also went to a ton of weddings the year before ours and we had fun celebrating and conducting “research” – talking about the things we liked and things we would do differently. It was actually pretty fun.

Post # 12
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Just to add that by having attended other weddings before our own, we got to experience different set ups and decide what we felt worked and what we didn’t like. Best status post about our wedding was FI’s cousin saying that they were at our wedding ‘stealing ideas’ for theirs in August. Why not?! It’s all good fun if done in the right spirit.

Post # 13
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I think it might be time to divide the energy up to other endeavours.  Maybe you can use part of the wedding planning energy (that you seem to have a lot of) to work on yourself–maybe join a gym, a gold club, study for your certifications (if applicable), etc.

I think the “disappointment” disappears when you stop expecting others to be all about your wedding for 2 years.  That’s a long time to get excited. 

Also the “stealing ideas”? Most of the wedding dresses are the same nowadays, venues revolve as the majority of groups are within the same price ranges, which LIMITS the venues.  There’s only so much “theme” and color combination (that’s actually appealing to the eye) that can be made.  Also, you guys are friends for a reason–which usually means that you guys’ shopping taste intersect somehow.  It’s a guarantee someone will have something the other wanted. 

So, in sum, get a dose of reality–your wedding is nothing special, but your union is.  Celebrate love instead of pining for the “perfect party”.   

Post # 14
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Two good friends of mine are getting married the same month as I am. All I feel is comradery towards them– especially knowing that they’re all putting up with the same planning BS that I am. We don’t often talk weddings, but I find it comforting to know they’re probably dealing with the same stuff too. I can’t imagine feeling resentful towards any of them for finding happiness… This must be a reflection of some negative feelings that were already there. :/

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  lightchaser.
Post # 15
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We were the first of our group to be engaged, are having a normal length engagement (slightly over a year) and will be the third couple to say I do. I get it, honestly I do. When the second and third couples set dates before us it bothered me… for about five seconds. At the end of the day, your wedding is about you and theirs is about them and none of it matters at all. Stop trying to keep up with the joneses and worry about you. Your wedding will be lovely, that’s what matters.

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