Post # 1
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
This is just a vent!
We were at a gathering this weekend and literally… the entire conversation for well over an hour revolved around Tinder–who they were chatting with, who they might go on a date with, trying to get other people in the group to sign up, etc. They’ve brought the app up several times before, but this time everyone was talking about it but us.
My DH and I could not contribute at all, obviously. I mean, we tried… asking “questions,” laughing, etc. at first, and then it kind of just got annoying! (Plus, this party was hosted by a former BM who got mad at me for talking about wedding registries around her when another engaged bride was visiting!) Any attempts to divert the conversation were unsuccessful, and so we ended up leaving.
Most of our friends in the area are single now. This Tinder thing is just making it even more obvious. -_- I’m kind of annoyed with it, and kind of sad.
Has anyone else felt like they can’t contribute to the conversations their single friends are having? What do you do to help fix the problem? I still want to hang out with these people… but I don’t like feeling excluded ALL the time.
Post # 2
Member
4375 posts
Honey bee
I was under the impression that Tinder was for younger people… like up to 21 years old.
Friends do tend to divert from one another as certain ones move on with their lives, whether through marriage, children, real jobs, etc. It’s just the way of life. Just stay in contact, but realize you won’t be able to bond about everything right now. One day you’ll be back on the same page.
Post # 3
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
damarajade: I think it is geared for younger people… which is why the whole thing seemed really juvenile and kind of annoying to me. I would have expected my friends to be talking about people they’re interested in, dates they’ve gone on, etc. and could have contributed to that conversation very easily but TINDER? Hence my vent. 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement about one day being back on the same page. I just didn’t expect the gap to feel this wide right now!
Post # 4
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
The connections you have with different friends will come and go. I don’t think you can fix this problem. You can try hanging out again and try contributing/diverting the conversation but if they want to talk about things that aren’t relevant to you it is what it is. You might have to branch out to friends that share your same interests and values.
Post # 5
Member
4375 posts
Honey bee
whitemochi622: I go through the same thing with my PhD program. Most people are young (well, I’m young too) and want to drink every weekend, and 5 months into my program I started dating a guy with a 5 year old and it was over. I’m now in mommy-mode and planning a wedding. No one can relate! So I’ve learned to keep my personal life to myself and let my colleagues discuss their sexual references to everything and how hungover they are. It happens. lol
Post # 6
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
damarajade: I don’t know, I see a fair amount of late 20 somethings in NY on tinder. Everyone tells me it’s more fun that okcupid and you don’t have to go through the trouble of writing the profile. I think my friends are evenly divided between okc and tinder.
I met my SO on okc so I’m still interested to hear peoples online dating stories. I really like my okc experience and I love hearing peoples success stories.
Post # 7
Member
7255 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Even though I haven’t been single for 7 years, I absolutely love hearing about all my single friends’ adventures. I actually much prefer that to hanging out with my non-single friends. I find that the non-single friends tend to talk about things like mortgages and babies and I’m just like:
Post # 8
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
TheGridMonster: Hmm, I think you’re starting to bring something to light for me. I was about to reply that I’ve always enjoyed listening to their dating adventures, too… and then I realized… it’s because it’s an APP. Lol. I just can’t relate because every kind of dating I’ve ever done has been different… nothing online. That’s probably why I’m feeling so much like I can’t relate or contribute to this.
Post # 9
Member
7255 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Also, I should add that it irks me when non-single/married people have this “better than thou” attitude and think that some of the things single people may be doing are so “immature and juvenile.” It comes off as very condescending to me. Being engaged/married/TTC etc. doesn’t give you some golden ticket and doesn’t elevate your life choices over anyone else’s.
It’s one thing to think “our priorities are different” but it’s another to think “their prorities are dumb, mine are obviously more important” (which is how this comes off to me).
If the majority of your friends are single and want to talk about Tinder, I think it’s a bit selfish to think that they should all instead focus on the more “mature” things that you and your DH would prefer.
Post # 10
Member
4716 posts
Honey bee
TheGridMonster: I fully agree. I specifically love hearing about Tinder. I think the whole swipe left or right based solely on a picture is so interesting (and problematic).. Especially when my single male friends tell me that girls are on there looking for serious committments. Which seems completely counter- productive.
Post # 11
Member
4716 posts
Honey bee
whitemochi622: Sometimes married/ dating people are boring. In some cases, incredibly so..
I’ll admit I shared that my husband and I were going to vaccuum pack our summer clothing on Saturday and our friends looked at us and said “So, marriage is.. marriage, eh?”. We can be boring to other people, but we were excited and as a group we were talking about our weekends.
Hearing the tales of dating/ hooking up/ falling in love is exciting.. My husband and I enjoy hanging out with our single friends and hearing about their lives. Ours is fun to us but, its not as exciting as someone who is actively dating.
Post # 12
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
TheGridMonster: I shouldn’t have said “juvenile” when I agreed with PP that I thought it was geared for younger people. =/ Sorry–it was just a vent because I don’t “get” it, and I don’t want to lose these friends. If I thought I was better than them, I wouldn’t still want to figure out how to get over the feeling of being left out of their conversations.
Post # 13
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
KC-2722: This is probably another one of my hangups. The BM who hosted the party, the same one who got upset with me for discussing wedding registries in front of her, was the leader of the group talking about Tinder. She also has said that married people are boring. I guess I got the impression somehow that being married is the bad thing, in her eyes.
Another reason I feel bad.
I definitely would love to hear the tales of dating from my friends (and do, quite a bit, individually). The problem is, they’re not talking to DH and I in the group anymore. They’re only talking among themselves. That’s why I felt excluded.
Post # 14
Member
4716 posts
Honey bee
whitemochi622: Well.. That’s different! That sounds malicious and hurtful.
Married people may be ‘boring’ when they talk about going to Home Depot and Bed, Bath, and Beyond to look at curtains but.. They can still contribute to conversations and not lull everyone to sleep. How rude.. This behavior sounds very high school.
Post # 15
Member
4375 posts
Honey bee
princesslettuce14: I met my SO on plenty of fish. I hated it!!! Luckily we hit it off right away, because I deleted my profile as soon as I could. The volume of messages was insane… just in the first hour. I only ended up responding to 5 guys out of 80 – and those were the only ones that said something about my profile. The rest were derogatory comments or a simple “hi.”
