Post # 1
I can’t believe it! My fiance just told me that his whole family refuse to come to our wedding. He is being really calm about it all saying that its okay and that as long as we love one another he;s okay with his family not being there. I just don’t want him to look back and be sad about our wedding day. I know him and He is trying to put up a brave face to that I would be happy but i want to make sure his happy too. I know that his family is important to him and I don’t want to hurt his relationship with his family but by being with him I am. I don’t know what to do.
His family is even making him come over to his grandmas house to try to talk him out of merrying me. I’m just so sad I can’t stop crying.
I have been with him for almost 9 years and in all that time his family has only invited me over for dinner with them once. My fiance has tried to get them to let me come over to get to know them but they wouldn’t have it. In 9 years they don’t even know me. I make my fieance happy but they always want to make his choices for him.
His brothers who were suppose to be part of the wedding part were forbidding to come by his mother. I’m thinking she told them they can’t live at home anymore if they came to our wedding as she has told my fiance she would do to him many times when he lived with her.
We have changed our wedding date so many time to accomidate his family reasons for not being able to come but now they are just saying “NO, that we are going against GOD if we get merried”.
Post # 3
Those are some serious issues you outlined there. Nine years and they are still in a funk? If you don’t mind me asking…Why?
I think it’s terrible that they are acting that way. I think you and your Fiance need to have a really good conversation about it because you’re right – it should be happy for him too. If indeed they are not going to come, make sure he is surrounded by lots of friends and loving people. It will always be something he remembers about your wedding day and that’s something you’ll both have to live with — not saying this is horribly negative, just that you’ll always remember it.
Post # 4
Have they ever told you why they do not support you and your fiance getting married?
Post # 5
Huge virtual hug for you, you deserve it. I hope everything turns out for the better for you two.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this, good for your fiance for being supportive. Why on earth do they think that your wedding is going against God?! They sound like quite the overdramatic bunch, not to mention judgemental and horrible. My guess, without you saying why they disapprove, is that it’s probably a cultural or religous difference, am I close at all?
I know it’s hard but try to not let this put a damper on things as much as you possibly can – they sound awful enough that they’d probably be pleased to know their actions have had this effect on you – don’t let them have that kind of power over you! It will be sad if they don’t come to the wedding, but they will be to blame and will be the ones missing out – you are your Fiance deserve to be surrounded by those who love you and support BOTH of you on that day.
In my opinion, in situations like this I believe the one who’s family is acting like this should be told that either they can accept and be kind to both of you or neither of you will be in their lives. Other bees may disagree and say this is overly harsh, but I don’t think so. My father’s family was horrible to my mother while I was growing up, I always knew they disliked her, and by association me for resembling and being quite similar to her. Eventually he did give them the choice – they made the wrong one and he cut ties with them, and only regrets that he did not have the courage to do so sooner. Yes, it’s a bit sad sometimes that they’re not in his life, but we do not miss the drama, meanness, and just overall hostility one bit.
Post # 7
I’m interested in knowing why they forbid him to marry you. There has to be a story behind this. I’m sorry though..that’s tough going into a marriage without your families support. Obviously there is a gap you all have been unable to bridge and I’m curious what the heck happend here.
Post # 8
I’m sorry to hear this is happening. But if you don’t mind me asking, after 9 years, why are they so against you both getting married?
Post # 9
Sorry to hear this, dear. Do you know the reason why his family is against the relationship with your Fiance. Have you tried to do something to change this situation? I think you should solve bad relationship with his family first because your Fiance must be embarrassed between you and his parents or he aren’t happy. Try, dear. I believe you will do well in this and get along just fine
Post # 10
Reasons why I think his family wont let him merry me.
1) Before me he did almost everything his family told him to do. (He counldn’t wear jeans till he was in highschool… lol)
2) We are living together for about 6months now and they think i made him move out with me. They also think we”re living in sin b/c of this
3) His grandmorther and auntie work her up more when they talk about it
4) They tell him that i have not pass high school and that i have been lying about post secondary school. I feel like i don’t have to prove anything after 9 years as loong as my Fiance knows the truth.
I’m sure his family can think of other reasons but I can think of everything. The funny thing is that we met each other during World Youth Day when the pope came. We were both push by our family to go and we have been together since.
Post # 11
@heartbroken85: None of these seem like reasons they would be so against you to only have met you once during nine years. Maybe it’s just me but it feels like we’re missing something here…have you asked your Fiance why they dislike you so much? What does he say?
Post # 12
He says his family is very religious and very conservative so is very hard for them to except someone new. He said that there hasn’t been anyone new in the family for a very long time and that when he first met me he didn’t know how to act around me. He said that if I didn’t make the first move that it would have taken him a very long tame to work up the balls just b/c he didn’t know what to do.
I know that his little brother has a gf and they have been going out for years as well and she has never been invited to anything.
Post # 13
@carolinaw: I do want to try but they don’t even wan to see me. My Fiance is also scared that they would just gang up on me.
Post # 14
Your fiance’s family sounds very strange… as long as your fiance is fine with the marriage going forward, and there’s no good reason why you two shouldn’t get together, go ahead and get married. Chances are you’re better off keeping your distance from them anyway.
I recently found out my grandparents didn’t want to attend my aunt’s (their daughter’s) wedding. They called and said “sorry, we can’t make it, we’re going on a trip” and they left. My aunt had her two sisters there, but nobody to give her away.. so she called my father who was 19 at the time and still living with them and in less than 24 hours he had to find a suit and drive from NYC to Canada. He was happy to give his sister away, but they had to keep it a secret that he even attended. She’s been married for nearly 40 years and had a nice wedding so the parents weren’t necessary. Though I can definitely understand that everyone wants to have a close knit friendly family… sometimes that’s just not possible.
Post # 15
So, it sounds like this is a religous and conservative family and a bit controlling. What can you do. If they are real Catholics they would be more accepting and forgiving and not so quick to pass judgment on you both. Maybe they feel you have pressured him into all of this because of the length of your courtship and the fact htat you have cohabitated. Basically, in their eyes they probably think if he really wanted to marry you he wouldnt’ have waited so long and he would have asked you before moving in together…but we all know that isn’t necessarily true this day and age people tend to take things really slow and that’s just they way we do things.
I hope ur fiance’ is doing everything in his power to convince them to be a part of your special day.
Post # 16
@heartbroken85: We’ll have you graduated high school? And when did you guys start going out?
I could see them disapproving of you if you were lying to him about some crucial things such as your education ext..but really, wouldnt flashing your diploma at them simply make them shut up? There has got to be another reason behind this, because even if you didnt graduate high school thats not a reason to dislike someone so strongly.