(Closed) All of fiance family wont come to our wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Those are some serious issues you outlined there. Nine years and they are still in a funk? If you don’t mind me asking…Why?

I think it’s terrible that they are acting that way. I think you and your Fiance need to have a really good conversation about it because you’re right – it should be happy for him too. If indeed they are not going to come, make sure he is surrounded by lots of friends and loving people. It will always be something he remembers about your wedding day and that’s something you’ll both have to live with — not saying this is horribly negative, just that you’ll always remember it.

Post # 4
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have they ever told you why they do not support you and your fiance getting married?

Post # 5
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Huge virtual hug for you, you deserve it. I hope everything turns out for the better for you two.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this, good for your fiance for being supportive. Why on earth do they think that your wedding is going against God?! They sound like quite the overdramatic bunch, not to mention judgemental and horrible. My guess, without you saying why they disapprove, is that it’s probably a cultural or religous difference, am I close at all?

I know it’s hard but try to not let this put a damper on things as much as you possibly can – they sound awful enough that they’d probably be pleased to know their actions have had this effect on you – don’t let them have that kind of power over you! It will be sad if they don’t come to the wedding, but they will be to blame and will be the ones missing out – you are your Fiance deserve to be surrounded by those who love you and support BOTH of you on that day.

In my opinion, in situations like this I believe the one who’s family is acting like this should be told that either they can accept and be kind to both of you or neither of you will be in their lives. Other bees may disagree and say this is overly harsh, but I don’t think so. My father’s family was horrible to my mother while I was growing up, I always knew they disliked her, and by association me for resembling and being quite similar to her. Eventually he did give them the choice – they made the wrong one and he cut ties with them, and only regrets that he did not have the courage to do so sooner. Yes, it’s a bit sad sometimes that they’re not in his life, but we do not miss the drama, meanness, and just overall hostility one bit.

Post # 7
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m interested in knowing why they forbid him to marry you. There has to be a story behind this. I’m sorry though..that’s tough going into a marriage without your families support. Obviously there is a gap you all have been unable to bridge and I’m curious what the heck happend here.

Post # 8
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’m sorry to hear this is happening. But if you don’t mind me asking, after 9 years, why are they so against you both getting married?

Post # 9
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Sorry to hear this, dear. Do you know the reason why his family is against the relationship with your Fiance. Have you tried to do something to change this situation? I think you should solve bad relationship with his family first because your Fiance must be embarrassed between you and his parents or he aren’t happy. Try, dear. I believe you will do well in this and get along just fine

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@heartbroken85: None of these seem like reasons they would be so against you to only have met you once during nine years. Maybe it’s just me but it feels like we’re missing something here…have you asked your Fiance why they dislike you so much? What does he say?

Post # 14
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your fiance’s family sounds very strange… as long as your fiance is fine with the marriage going forward, and there’s no good reason why you two shouldn’t get together, go ahead and get married.  Chances are you’re better off keeping your distance from them anyway.

I recently found out my grandparents didn’t want to attend my aunt’s (their daughter’s) wedding.  They called and said “sorry, we can’t make it, we’re going on a trip” and they left.  My aunt had her two sisters there, but nobody to give her away.. so she called my father who was 19 at the time and still living with them and in less than 24 hours he had to find a suit and drive from NYC to Canada.  He was happy to give his sister away, but they had to keep it a secret that he even attended.  She’s been married for nearly 40 years and had a nice wedding so the parents weren’t necessary.  Though I can definitely understand that everyone wants to have a close knit friendly family… sometimes that’s just not possible.

Post # 15
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So, it sounds like this is a religous and conservative family and a bit controlling. What can you do. If they are real Catholics they would be more accepting and forgiving and not so quick to pass judgment on you both. Maybe they feel you have pressured him into all of this because of the length of your courtship and the fact htat you have cohabitated. Basically, in their eyes they probably think if he really wanted to marry you he wouldnt’ have waited so long and he would have asked you before moving in together…but we all know that isn’t necessarily true this day and age people tend to take things really slow and that’s just they way we do things.

I hope ur fiance’ is doing everything in his power to convince them to be a part of your special day.

Post # 16
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@heartbroken85: We’ll have you graduated high school? And when did you guys start going out?

I could see them disapproving of you if you were lying to him about some crucial things such as your education ext..but really, wouldnt flashing your diploma at them simply make them shut up? There has got to be another reason behind this, because even if you didnt graduate high school thats not a reason to dislike someone so strongly.

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