(Closed) All promise, no follow though. Help!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Timelines, for me, are very important. It’s your life, too, and you should know generally (and the time frame)) where it’s heading. I would say, “hey you mentioned a while ago that you’d like to go shopping for rings, I realize we don’t have to buy right away, but I’d love to get a feel for what I like, and show you similar styles. Can you let me know when you were planning on going?” And ask for something concrete (by June or whatever). I think that is totally fair. Say you’re really excited and would love to spend an afternoon of quality time doing that! If he doesn’t give you a straight answer, then you might have to say, “hey if you’re not serious about it, I just need to you be honest with me!”

Post # 5
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

It’s not unreasonable for you to have a timeline. He’s essentially leading you on, by saying he’ll take you and then having no intention of doing so. I wonder if he’s only saying it to keep you happy and stop you asking?

You need to tell him how you’re feeling. He needs to tell you, no BS, how he’s feeling, so you can both figure out a timeline and make sure you’re both still on the same page in regards to enegement/marriage.

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I swear I wrote most of your post! About a month ago my SO was like I’ll take you if you don’t get too excited.  HAHA of course I would be but I promised I wouldn’t.  I guess he legitimately forgot about it because I mentioned it last week that “you said you would take me” and he didn’t remember right away.  Well yesterday he says wanna go to the mall soon and look at “stuff”? Guys are funny…  Maybe if you go somewhere like the mall where the opportunity could just present itself without you buggin him it would help! I would say be patient a little while longer 🙂  It’ll come!

Post # 7
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Why can’t you just say something like, “Hey, let’s go look at rings next Saturday!” and see what he says? Take control over the situation by picking specific dates and making a plan. If that doesn’t work, maybe mention you are planning to go on your own and you will report back to him when you return. That might be enough to make him realize what he is doing. As you said, it was just a compromise so that you feel like you are moving forward with your timeline (which you are) while he still has time to save. At least in the meantime he will know what you want! 

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@batwoman:  Right, “I” know what you mean..but I think that for a guy they feel like they have to feel ready to put down a load of cash just when you’re looking. I can see why they think that, but maybe you gotta be clear that it’s looking/trying on/scoping prices.

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