Post # 1
So it’s been two full weeks since my wedding. My fiancé and I were together for ten and half years before we got hitched. I was not one of those crazy bridezillas or anything but there were certain things that I was looking forward to that went totally wrong. Here’s the list from beginning to end:
- No one set up the unity ceremony
- The priest used answers to my pre Cana test and private things we talked about in premarital counseling, then compared marriage to the crucifixion of Christ in his sermon
- Then 30 seconds into my first dance with my husband my mother and father thought it would be HILARIOUS if my mom chased my new husband around the dance floor with her cane shouting “watch where your putting your hands on my daughter.”
The unity ceremony matters but not as much as the last two. I don’t feel like I have the “post wedding blues” just more so that I’m SO upset that my sermon and first dance was ruined by (excuse the language) jack assery. I can’t stop crying when I’m alone. I could be alone cleaning my house or doing homework and I will burst into tears. I was not aware that the first dance fiasco was planned until I was crying around my dad and he said “hahahahah. Oh, Jolene it was a joke. They did that to us when we got married too.” This makes things worse. I haven’t talked to anyone because anytime I express my feelings to anyone they all say the same “well, you and Galo are married now and you don’t have to worry about it.” This doesn’t help because it doesn’t give me back my first dance (which is what I’m THE MOST upset about). Also, it makes me feel like they’re nicely telling me to shut up and get over it.
I don’t feel like I have the post wedding blues but rather that I’m super upset about all the planned drama surrounding our wedding. I should add that leading up to the day of there was a lot of pettiness coming from his family during the six moth planning process, then finding out that mom didn’t behave the way she did during our first dance because she was drunk (which would not have made the situation better but some how id be able to live with it) but rather it was planned between my dad and her.
I don’t know what to do or how to stop crying. I have talked to my husband about this and he has consoled me the best he can. However I have stopped crying around him, so there’s only so much he could do. I have with drawn my self away from my family and his because honestly I just don’t want to hear what they have to say.
I don’t know how to move forward or how to stop crying. Please help.
Post # 3
Wow, I say this with intended kindness and gentleness but sweety you need to find a way to get over these things. Yes I can see being disapointed or annoyed with the things that happened but they are not worthy of constantly crying over 2 weeks later. If it was done to your parents and they thought it funny enough to do again then it obviously didn’t effect them the way it did you, unless they are known for being purposely cruel.
This is a very special time in the life of newlyweds, try your best to just enjoy being married and in love. try to focus on the things that went right in your day. can share any of the highlights of the day with us?
Post # 4
Why are you harping on what went wrong instead of thinking about what went right? You can’t change what went wrong, so why dwell on that stuff?
Post # 5
Things that went right:
My MOH’s Speech: “Ive been looking forward to this day longer than Jolene. I have no speech prepared, So welcome to the family, offically- AND GOOD F*IN LUCK!!
The Best man’s speech
The best man’s lap dance given to my husband.
One of the groomsmen’s serrinading my husband.
MY HAIR!! I was SO worried it would go flat by the end of church, but i paid a heafty amount of money and It didnt.
My DJ. His computer crashed when he got there, but had a back up and was able to download everything on his phone and then transfer it to his back up. Plus he serrenaded us.
Instead of everyone clinking their glasses to get us to kiss, the dj made people sing a love song to us.
Even though the bridesmaids were given free reign on getting their dresses, they all matched well and none were aweful
Most of all I lost the weight i needed to fit into my dress.
Thanks for making me think of this. this is what I will do from now on. And i know my parents werent trying to be purposely cruel but I feel like i had No romantic moments with my fiance that day and that’s one of the things i had sat and fantisized about for a long time. And those first 30 seconds? Yeah, they started playing out EXACTLY the way I had fantised.
Post # 6
That’s my problem, I cant stop thinking about what went wrong.Its VERY HARD for me to even remember what went right. That list I just made….took me a long time to even think of that.
Post # 7
I am glad making that list was helpful. Try to just remember these things as much as possible, over time this will get easier
Post # 8
What about getting ready with your girls? Walking down the aisle? Saying “I do” and kissing your husband for the first time he’s your official husband? Taking your wedding photos, your first meal as a couple, cutting the cake, dancing with your girls?
And, seriously, why did your father (or anyone for that matter) not remove your mother from the dance floor?
Post # 9
First, *hugs* You have the right to be upset, especially about the first dance. That was really inconsiderate and rude.
Our wedding day is supposedly the “best day of our lives,” but I do not think that that is true, nor should it be. The days to come with your new hubby are the ones that will be the best ones. You married him for a lifetime, not just a wedding day.
Try and find within yourself exactly WHY these things stuck out as being really upsetting to you. Go into the minutest details. This helps me get over things because it helps me understand why I am feeling a certain way.
Another thing my mother always taught me was “Ten, ten, ten” Go through with yourself how these upsetting things will affect you in ten days, ten weeks, and ten years. It realy puts things in perspective.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone…I will definatly remember the good times. and do he other few things you ladies have metioned. and thanks for understanding
Post # 11
I can understand being annoyed by all this. But try to continue focusing on the positive. Also – this is something that happened to your parents? So try to keep that in mind, this is now a “tradition” and eventually you’ll think it’s funny (and maybe do it to your own daughter hahaha). If you want to have romantic momets, whick your husband away to a romantic hotel for a night. Or have a photographer do a “romance” shoot w u and ur Fiance all dressed up in your wedding attire.
Post # 12
I’m genuinely sorry that these things that went wrong have upset you so much. I say this, though, with the nicest possible intentions behind it–if you are constantly crying for two weeks after the fact over these things, then it’s going to be very difficult for you when life hits you with some real obstacles. If you can’t let this go and if it’s affecting you like this, it might be best for you to talk to someone who can help you develop some coping skills and techniques.