(Closed) allll the thoughts: an epic name-changing decision making process

posted 4 years ago in Names
Post # 3
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@SarahCF:  I’ve thought about many of these things, and I’m still not certain what I want to do. However, it sounds like using your married name professionally (i.e. not changing it legally but practicing under your married name– which I am pretty certain is legal as long as it’s not meant to defraud) would make you more accessible to your clients, allow you to have a connection to both your birth and married families, and be a nod to feminism and you don’t ahve to go around changing everything, just talking to the bar to make sure they understand what name you’ll be using. 

Post # 4
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I really like my husband’s last name, but haven;t gotten around to changing my name yet.  I’m in no way shape or form a professional, but also have a business.  I am doing the same thing as your decision is for today… but I have no middle name, so it is refreshing to see someone else with this idea!

Post # 5
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why don’t you just legally keep your maiden name but socially use his last name? That way you don’t have to change anything at work, but you can still share the same name as your kids when you pick them up from school etc.

Or think about this (and this is coming from someone who is, and always has been, 100% sure I will take my FI’s name)… changing your name will cause about a years worth of hassle yes, but wont it be exciting and wonderful to answer the phone with “hello, this is Mrs. Newlastname” right after you get married? Also how is changing your middle name AND last name any easier?? You’ve had your maiden name for 31 years… but you’ll probably have your Fi’s last name for another 50. So 50 years from now, how much of all of these factors will still matter to you??

Having said that, I am going to 2 weddings this summer where the girls are doing the middle name switch. So I also think that is growing in propularity.

Post # 6
11274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@SarahCF:  That is exactly the decision that I made, and I am extremely happy with my new name.

You may be surprised and pleased to learn that what you plan to do actually is the formal, traditional manner in which women in the U.S. historically have changed their names, because it provides a clear continuation of and connection to your family of origin and the name you had prior to marriage. My mother changed her name in this manner, as did at least one of my grandmothers and one of DH’s grandmothers.

I use all three of my names on all legal documents, credit cards, and checks, on all professional documents and correspondence, when I sign anything, and also on FB. However, most people who have met me since I relocated to DH’s state know me only by my first and last names.

Post # 7
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I also think names are very important and meaninful.  I am the last in my family line (and a woman) so if don’t keep my name my family name dies.  But we also very much want the unity of having the same last name so we are…tada BOTH hypenating.  FI will have to go through the same hell as me, probably more since it’s easier for me to change my last name. 


We will be Mr. and Mr. First Name Mylastname-Hislastname  🙂 🙂


Post # 8
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FI and I are debating on this one. I do not want to change mine, and at most, I would be OK with hyphenating. He strongly prefers I change to his. I have reasons like yours! I feel like I’ve done SO much with my name! 

Post # 9
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SarahCF:  I struggled with a lot of the same things you’re struggling with, particularly the feminism, family unity and convenience parts. I made my decision to keep my last name based on the fact that it is important for my career for me to have one name throughout. Not to confuse your situation since you have already made your decision for the day, but since you mentioned feminism is your number 1 concern, I’m posting this article. A lot of her points really hit home for me; http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/mar/07/women-stop-changing-your-name-when-married .

Post # 10
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

For me it was never a question: I will keep my whole name until the day I die, no additions (besides Ph.D.), no alterations. My name means a lot to me, more to me, I think, than FI’s name means to him. Luckily he’s quite vocal about NOT caring what I do.

Like your FI, mine rocks a very common Spanish last name, which is another reason I’m declining it. I have a romance language first name that, in combination with his last name, would suggest a heritage I do not posess. Interestingly, in the countries his parents hail from, a woman keeping her name upon marriage is not strange at all and they raised him with that mindset.

It’s clear that you’ve really thought this through, and I very much applaud that. I think everyone should approach such decisions by weighing the pros and cons (both emotional and practical). Good luck!

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