Post # 1
We have decided to have a adult only ceremony and reception.
We have been discussing our engagement party with my parents who will be hosting it, as they wanted a copy of our guest list for the wedding so they don’t invite people to the e-party that we don’t plan on inviting to the wedding.
The question my Mom had was if we would be inviting the children of people we invite to the e-party when they will not be invited to the wedding.
Our engagement party is going to be a relaxed, fun, summer BBQ in our large garden so having children there would be fun – More like a large BBQ garden party to celebrate our engagement – where as our wedding is going to be a very formal occasion.
SO: Is it okay to invite people AND their children to the e-party, but ONLY invite the parents to the wedding?
Post # 3
I think that’s fine. To me, the main reason is it’s a faux pas to invite someone to the engagement party but not the wedding, is that often a gift is expected. (At least her in Australia, not sure about UK). And children don’t give a separate gift anyway. I can’t think of any downside to what you’re doing, plus it’s totally weird to have a no children afternoon BBQ anyway.
Post # 4
I don’t seen an issue with it – young kids won’t know the etiquette nor be giving gifts, so they themselves won’t be offended and most adults should understand that the two events have completely different atmospheres – one kid-friendly, one not.
Post # 5
Our engagement was a backyard BBQ and we had our friends bring their kids but we won’t be inviting the kids to our wedding. I love these kids but we just don’t see that at our wedding. I don’t think you’ll have a problem with it.
Post # 6
I think you’re perfectly ok in doing that, I wouldn’t be offended by it. I would probably be more offended or annoyed if you expected me to find a sitter for all wedding related events.
Post # 7
I’m not sure what “official” etiquette is here, but I think that’s actually a great way to involve your friends’/family’s kids and maybe mitigate the sting of kids not being invited to the wedding.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the replies so far.
@paula1248: I agree it would be weird/rude to have an afternoon BBQ and say ‘No Children’.
@Gemstone: That’s what I thought!
Post # 9
I think it would be fine, as long as you’re explicit about it in your wedding invites.