(Closed) allowing some children but not others……………

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

The rule is all or none but I see your point… and when it came to no children for us I actually put it on the INVITE (we look forward to enjoying this adult only affair) GASP

Have you thought about providing a childcare service? I actually saw where one couple set up with a service to come in & charged the GUESTS 40 bucks for the 4 hr reception…. They gave THEM the option of paying for and using their provided service or finding their own…

Just throwing some ideas out there

Post # 4
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We are only formally inviting children we share genes with(with the exception of FI’s Brother’s girlfriend’s kids).  Because of our reception venue (a tent) I’m not going to call anyone that RSVP’s for an uninvited kiddo and tell them no.  I’m just hoping that we end up with fewer children than adults. 

Is your venue/catering cost such that you can do the same?  I always hesitate to put something in writing that can be interrpreted as you assuming the guest will get it wrong.  If I saw something in the invite that only related children could come, I would think that you assumed I was not smart enough to figure out who was/wasn’t invited. 

The statement about looking forward to an adult affair doesn’t rub me the wrong way, but probably won’t work for you if you are inviting a few kids.

Post # 5
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I absolutley disagree that the rule is all or none.  I mean, I’m inviting co-workers that have children, am I really expected to invite their kids just because my nieces might be invited?  I don’t think so.  On the other hand, I don’t think you can invite some cousins’ kids and not others… as long as you have a consistent rule, people shouldn’t get that upset.

Honestly, I wouldn’t include any special wording, just invite by name and if your friends ask, say you’re limiting the children to just family.  I would think people would understand a bright line rule like that.


Post # 7
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a similar situation.

I have young cousins (ages 2, 10, 16 and 18) that are all from the same family. I will be inviting them, but ONLY them. I made sure to put a little note on the RSVP card that the kids are invited. 

Otherwise, NO kids.

Post # 9
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you need to put an insert in. Just make it very clear whom from a given family is invited and if people end up RSVPing with their uninvited children, give them a call. I think your plan is understandable but, honestly, you may offend some people because usually the rule is all or none (or just an exception for children in the bridal party).

Post # 10
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I just figure it should be pretty clear. If I address the invite as Mr. & Mrs. Smith that means I’m inviting them. If I adress It Mr. & Mrs Smith and Family that means bring your children.

I’m only adressing the “and Family” for those me or my fiance are related to.  However, if the children are over 18 and still at home, I will be sending them their own invitation adressed to Mr. John Smith & Guest.


Post # 12
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I disagree that it needs to be all or nothing.  I know my nieces and I want them there, I have never met my co-workers kids and have no interest in having them there.

So we invited our siblings children, my nieces and nephews children, aunts and uncles and cousins, but not the children of cousins or friends.

We just included who WAS invited on the inner invitation.  i.e. Karen and Jim verses Matt, Jodi, Chloe, and Allie for our nieces.  We had no problems except for 1 cousin who had her mom call my mom and ask if we forgot her kids on the invite.  We said no, but if she needs to bring them that is okay.  Her mother realized that then all the other cousins would want to bring their kids as well and dropped it.  It was fine.

Post # 14
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I only invited DH’s nieces and nephews plus all out of state kids and the ring bearer(no out of town kids).   My friends were really understanding and knew their kids weren’t invited (although they did call to see if I might “reach out”).  I did tell them the kids were welcome to come to the ceremony (these were mostly little girls who wanted to see the bride and had no interest in a reception any way), but politely explained my reception venue was small.  They had enough time to drop the kids off.  I simply put the adults’ names on the rsvp card and on the inner envelope.  Everyone understood.  I was actually impressed that there was no drama over it.  Of course, it helped that my parents were ok with my compromise on kids (I really wanted to limit my guest list and including the kids was actually what put it over my “ideal.”)

Post # 15
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If we had invited all of our guest’s kids… the kids would have out numbered the adults.  So I only invited kids of guests who had to travel from out of town.  Which conveniently were only kids related to my husband and I.  Local guests had to leave the kiddos at home. I just made it clear on the RSVP who was invited… “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor”, etc. No one complained (that I know of).

Post # 16
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think if you are to allow other kids to come then it shouldn’t be called an Adult only reception.  If you don’t want guests to bring their children, then just address the invitation to the Adults only (Mr. and Mrs. blahblah).  If they RSVP back for 4 people, call them.  I think guests get upset when it is announced ahead of time that the party with be Adult-only and they show up to find a bunch of kids there.  They have to make plans for childcare and these other kids are at the party.  That seems a little rude to me, which is why I am not allowing any children at our wedding.

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