(Closed) Almost 7 years and still no proposal

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

you really just need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. I know it can be frustrating but letting him know will get you guys on the same page! And him blowing money like that definitely needs to be addressed! 

Post # 5
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t know what magic cards are, but I’m sorry to say that he sounds very selfish and irresponsible. Please do not wait anymore. He doesn’t have any money, he has to borrow from you and he’s just stringing you along.

Pack up your toys and leave. I don’t know how think he can buy a ring, let alone a house or support children. You sound intelligent and very together in every way. Except when it comes to him.

You were very young when you met and have grown since then. He hasn’t. No blame, it’s just probably time to move on, especially if you want children.  28 is still young, but in a few years your fertility is going start becoming an issue.

Please don’t wait for him. Based on what you wrote (and that’s all we have to go on), I don’t see any positive signs.

I’m sorry but you can do a lot better.

Post # 6
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Forget what he says to you.  Anyone can say the right words.  What has he done to show you that he’s serious about this?  Do you want to marry someone that you have to constantly beg to buy you a ring?  

Post # 7
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No offense, but he sounds like he’s not ready for marriage.  If he values his games more than you, and doesn’t share your desires to have children soon, then you’re going to continue to be disappointed.  Unfortunately you cannot force someone into being ready.  I dated someone for 5.5 years, and he too spent his money on video games and magic cards.  I waited and waited, and then after we broke up I realized that he was no where near being ready to be married to me that whole time, even though we talked about it and he said “after we graduate college”.  That was just a convienent way to stall.  Don’t let someone lead you on like I was.  You have put your expectations out there, he either needs to man up, or you can move on to someone who really wants what you want.

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Magic cards?  Huh.  That’s a new one.  I think you have your answer, and it’s his actions.  Don’t pay attention to what he says, pay attention to what he does.  He doesn’t want to marry you.  Go find someone who does.  

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

At the end of the day, you have to realize your worth. You deserve better than someone stringing you along like this. In my opinion, you have given him too many chances. I agree with PP, I don’t think that you should wait.

Post # 13
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Natasha4747:  

I just feel like I’ve already put in so much time and what if the proposal is just around the corner and I do love him a lot. But I don’t know how much longer I can wait.


Don’t think about the time or effort you’ve put it, because it’s clearly not meant anything to him.  He is not behaving responsibly with his finances and you are not his priority.  The only thing you will be putting in if you stay with him is years of your life you will never get back.  You say you “love him a lot”, but that’s not soulmate material.  If you had said “he completes me” or “he is my other half” or “I don’t want to imagine a world without him”, great.  But you didn’t.  You love him a lot, but love isn’t enough sometimes, and it sounds like in this case, it’s not.  Your man-child is going to continue putting his toys and cards and games ahead of you in the priorities list; it’s time someone put you first, and it looks like it’s going to have to be you.

Post # 14
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’ve already spent 7 years thinking a proposal is just around the corner.  Will that logic get you to hang on for another 7 years?  Because I’d bet all the money I have that there’s no proposal around the corner with this guy.

Post # 15
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Darling Husband used to play magic back when he was a teenager. His brother still plays and blows a ton of money on cards. So much so that his Fiance had to wait a year before she got her ring. (a year after their engagement). He also owns a car and a motorcycle and a 42 inch flat screen and I don’t feel bad for her because she’s a crazy B, but that’s a different story. On to you.

There are two kinds of guys who play magic. Guys who are 19 and immature and have nothing else to blow their money on. And 40 year old guys who are either not married or married but hate their homelives. We drove by a magic tournament the other day and you should have seen the group of guys playing. OMG. Magic cards are expensive. CRAZY expensive. I’m willing to bet his blown a ton of money on those cards, in addition to his crappy eating.

OP, I say you sit him down and set him straight. 6 months. No stone, no proposal, you’re done. That’s a lot of time and effort for very little in return. I’d also talk to him about his spending habits. If you plan to have joint finances, he’s going to need to work on his reckless spending.

Post # 16
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Natasha4747:  I understand your feelings about “putting in a lot of time already, and it may be around the corner” BUT —- this is just the beginning, really.  Say he proposes, Great!. … but how long before he’ll agree to a wedding date (and be able to save up for it?)  Then, say you get married in a year or so, but will he be ready to have a kid?

 

You really need to think about this—its not just about the engagement, its about the next big steps in your life

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